Another Cambridge Diet Blog

Some weeks later.....

2009-06-24T07:34:00.004+01:00

I just thought I better update here as I am still alive and haven't been abducted by aliens or anything.

I'm not back on CD yet, I just haven't had that 'I'm ready' feeling again yet and it would be no good for me to start again but only stick at it for a couple of days as that sort of stop/start thing drives me a bit mad, loses me no weight and is a waste of the few sachets and bars I have left. At some point soon, I'll know it's time to do it again.

I have put some weight back on, a bit more than I would have liked to, but not so much that none of my newer clothes fit me. My previous bad eating habits have not returned and I am sure I will never end up back where I was when I started. Unfortunately, I've had no improvement with my bad knee and my exercise has been minimal, I never went back to my cleaning job and my poor bicycle houses an embarrassingly thick layer of dust. I've still been riding around on my motorbike though and as long as I can still fit into all my expensive, armoured bike gear, I know everything is OK.

Days 218 - 236

2009-05-12T11:08:00.007+01:00

There hasn't been any blogging lately because there hasn't really been a diet lately either. I failed to get back on track after my birthday and although I haven't gone food crazy, there has been some weight gain over the past few weeks; around 6lbs, so unfortunately, it puts my B.M.I. back into the 'obese' range again. Part of the problem is that I've started having some problems with my knee again which has stopped me working and put a hold on my new exercise regime but it hasn't stopped me riding my motorcycle thank goodness! I've found myself comfort eating a few times too, I get really miserable really quickly when I can't walk without pain so I've started going out for a motorbike ride more often, usually the very minute I start feeling bored. Not only is it a great distraction but also I need lots of practice for when I go for my full bike license and most importantly, I enjoy it no end.

I've also had some trouble sleeping lately, I find that if I need to turn over in bed instead of just flipping over, I need to actually wake up and lift my leg up, if I don't the pain wakes me up anyway. That's also not helped my diet at all, when I feel tired and lacking in energy, I always feel so hungry and how ever sensibly I try and eat, when I'm tired I make terrible decisions and things go wrong so easily.

Yesterday I managed to calm my eating down quite a lot so I'm going to cut down my carbohydrate intake over the next few days and the plan is to start back on CD this weekend seeing as the boyfriend is going to be away for a couple of days and I'll be left to my own devices. I feel like I've let myself down a bit by taking so long getting back on track, it's especially disappointing seeing as I was over ¾ of the way to my goal, and I've put almost a ½ stone back on again, but I'm determined to get to my goal and I'm not going to let this hiccup get me down.

Days 207 - 217

2009-04-22T22:25:00.004+01:00

I haven't posted here for a while because in all honesty, I haven't really been dieting in a while. The best I've had in the last week and a half is one whole day on 810kcals and a couple that were nearly there but the rest of the time I've been a complete cheat and I feel very stupid. I've even strayed into the terrible realm of cakes and chocolate which is not the direction I usually go when I cheat. Now I'm not really sure what to do, I might need to take drastic steps and go back to Sole Source for a week! I thought about trying Sole Source Plus but it's too similar to 810 which I'm failing at so miserably. I'm going to finish the week, get through the weekend and past my birthday (which is Saturday in case any of you fancy sending me prezzies!) and start next week afresh.

In other news, I bought myself a motorbike today. It's a Yamaha TW125 and I love it! The exhaust is a little bit loud and I might have to get it fixed soon but apart from that it seems to be in good shape for a 10 year old bike. I promise I'll share a photo of it soon.

Days 198 - 206 - CDC Meeting

2009-04-11T22:17:00.004+01:00

Since I last posted here my life has been up and down and all over the place, along with the diet really.

When I got home from my bike training, I had a couple of hours to tidy up and sort my flat out a bit before my friend arrived to stay for a week on her way home to Scotland from Thailand. The lucky lady managed to miss all the really horrible cold weather and came back to the UK to be greeted by blue skies and sunshine. I did feel a bit mean to have a friend staying and not be feeding her but as she has stayed here before while I've been on CD, she knew what to expect and was very understanding about it all. A friend came to visit and brought home-made flapjacks, while they were munching away on those, I was eating little pieces of cranberry bar so I didn't feel hard-done-by at all. I don't mind when people eat meals around me, but when I someone is snacking, eating small amounts over a longer period of time, I find it quite hard to cope with. The boyfriend is a peanut addict, he will often sit around with a massive bag of them and will just eat them slowly over a couple of hours and it drives me completely mad, especially when I'm not in ketosis.

Since I got home from the wedding I've not been back in ketosis yet at all and consequently I've been feeling extremely hungry indeed. I've done my very best to stick to the diet despite the hunger, some days are easier than others though. I've been trying to keep myself as busy as possible but I've not had much work lately and it's been difficult to distract myself at times. I had a pleasant and restful weekend and still managed to stick to the diet so I'm very pleased with myself. Weekends are always the most difficult times for CD so I gave myself a big pat on the back for getting through it, in fact I've been treating every single day that I've managed to stick to it as a victory.

On Tuesday I had a meeting with my CDC to buy in a couple of weeks worth of extra sachets because he's off on holiday for a few weeks and because he actually came over during the day, the boyfriend finally got to meet him. I also had an unscheduled weigh-in and the result was a bit of a pleasant surprise to me:

Weight: 13st 5.5lb
BMI: 29.7

I've managed to lose 4.5 pound in a week, even without ketosis and now my BMI is out of the 'obese' range and into the ordinary 'overweight' range. I told my CDC that I still wasn't in ketosis but he reassured me that it shouldn't effect the amount of weight I lose so I might still be on track for my Birthday mini-goal.

On Thursday night, the lack of ketosis finally got the better of me and I cracked and had takeaway pizza with my friend. It was a pretty stupid thing to do, we both have problems eating cheese, I'm a little lactose intolerant and it makes her feel ill too. So we ate a fair amount of pizza and thoroughly enjoyed it and both felt quite unwell the next day. I was hoping that would stop me eating stupid things for a while but it didn't have the desired effect and for the last couple of days I've been failing to resist the lure of real food. It's been fairly sensible real food but it's not been CD by any stretch of the imagination.

Today I went to look at a motorbike I was hoping to buy but it was a bit too expensive and not quite what I was after so as I was at the bike shop anyway, I bought some proper waterproof trousers with armour in the knees and I hired a motorbike for the week instead. As I rode away on it, I thought for a brief moment that £150 for a bike I don't get to keep was a bit of a waste of money but it's all good practice and that's what I need right now the most so I'm counting this week with a hired bike as part of my training. I get better and feel more confident and in control every time I get on a motorbike, hopefully soon I'll be able to go out for a ride without stalling at junctions (which has only happened 3 times) or wobbling a little at low speeds. On my way home I had my first ride in proper rain and also had my first encounter with the police! I stalled the bike at some traffic lights, it took a couple of attempts to get the bike running again but then I pulled away perfectly and went on my way. A couple of seconds later it became apparent that the white van that had been behind me at the junction was in fact a police van, I'm quite surprised that I didn't notice until the blue lights started flashing. I pulled over and a smiley young policeman got out of the van and walked over to me. He asked to see my license and asked about the bike to check I was supposed to be riding it then he asked to smell my breath to check I hadn't been drinking. He said he just wanted to make sure that everything checked out and if so he wanted to make sure that I was OK, he was very polite and courteous indeed. I promised him I would practice a lot and be a better rider soon and he gave me a big thumbs-up as he got back into the van. What a nice chap!

My plan for the weekend is to just do lots of riding and enjoy the bike as much as I can before I give it back on Saturday. I can't wait, I love riding more than I ever thought I would and it's a good distraction from food too.

Days 196 + 197

2009-04-02T23:44:00.003+01:00

I've had a really fun couple of busy days, I'm feeling so happy but completely worn out.

As regular readers of my blog will know, I've recently been learning to ride a motorbike. I did my CBT on an automatic bike a few weeks ago, then last week, I started brushing up on my geared motorbike skills before I went out and bought a motorbike of my own. This week I've been completing my training on a geared bike. When I turned up for Wednesday's session, I was a little disappointed to find that unlike last week, I wasn't being trained on my own. Luckily the other student was a really lovely guy, he's a model builder and a computer geek and really passionate about learning to ride so we got on pretty well. I was hoping that it would only take one more session to get good enough to go out for a road ride, mostly for financial reasons, but during yesterday's lesson, I wasn't really feeling confident enough to go out yet and the other guy wasn't quite up to it yet either. So we spent the rest of the session off road to hone our low speed skills and control a little more, then today we all went out for a nice long ride.

At the end of yesterday's lesson, I was feeling incredibly excited and positive about today's planned ride, but as the evening wore on, I became more and more nervous and worried about it. While I was lying in bed, trying to sleep, it was all I could think about and it made for a really poor night's sleep, about 3 or 4 hours altogether with some really disturbing stress dreams too! By time I got to the riding school, I was feeling frazzled, anxious and pretty apprehensive but my instructor was his usual sunny, encouraging self and really helped to make me feel at ease and as soon as we got out on the road, my confidence started to pick up and I really started enjoying myself.

After the ride we all sat around in the bike showroom with the instructor's wife (who works there too), drinking coffee and having a nice chat about where we needed improvement, what our plans for future riding/training were and what sort of bikes we fancied riding. He gave us lots of great tips and things to watch out for on the road and we had a chat about protective clothing. He asked why I had all my own kit apart from trousers and I told him that I had bought the jacket a few years ago but I was waiting for my weight to settle a bit before I bought trousers. I may have possibly mentioned (gloated) that I'd managed to shift about 5 stones in the last 6 months and my instructor's wife was amazed and curious. I explained a bit about CD and the next thing I knew, she was on the phone finding out about her nearest CDC!!

Anyway, I did well on my assessment ride, my instructor is happy for me to go out and ride a geared bike on my own and I'm so pleased! Also, I've been so preoccupied with bike stuff for the last 2 days, I've not had time to eat, even though I've been feeling hungry and I'm not back in ketosis yet. I'm sure it'll come soon enough though, I just have to keep going like this and I'll be fine.

Days 194 + 195 - CDC Meeting

2009-03-31T22:31:00.005+01:00

I had no work on Monday so I really struggled to stay away from the food and get back into the diet frame of mind. By mid afternoon I still hadn't eaten but I was starting to feel like I was going a bit mad so I went out to do a little shopping at the supermarket to distract myself. I chose a supermarket right over in south London so I would be distracted for as long as possible even though we didn't really need much.

While I was there I had a quick look at the cheap and cheerful clothing, seeing as these days I have hardly anything that fits me, and found some OK looking jeans for just £8. I didn't bother trying them on seeing as I was already wearing the same brand of jeans, I just picked out a 16, same size as I was already wearing plus a pair of rather nice and even cheaper cargo pants and made my way home with my snazzy new leg-wear and a bag full of boyfriend food. When I got back I excitedly tried on my new clothing only to find that both pairs were far too small! I don't get it, I bought the same size as I was wearing from the same shop and it was around 3 inches too small for me around the waist! It could be because I have PMS at the moment, but it seems highly unlikely to me. Needless to say I went back for a refund on both garments earlier today, I'll wait until my TOTM is over before I try and get any more clothes, if I can possibly get away with it, I'll wait until the diet is over too.

Yesterday's distraction technique worked quite well, I ate a reasonable amount and got in all my sachets and water and I kept myself busy today with a similar outcome. I also had my weigh in today and the results were not too bad considering how much I ate while I was away:

Weight: 13st 10lb
BMI: 30.5

I had a really great loss last week and I put on 4lbs while I was away but after a few days back on the straight and narrow, when I manage to get back into ketosis and I get past this nasty PMS, I'm confident that extra weight will just melt away and I'm planning to have another spectacular loss by my next weigh-in. I was also excited to notice that I'm only 0.5 of a BMI point away from being just overweight rather than obese!

I have decided that as I seem to work better with set goals, I would set myself a new mini-goal now so the plan is to get down below the 13 stone mark in time for my birthday on 25th April. I don't care how far below, I just want to break that threshold. It will put me within pounds of my goal instead of stones and I know I can do it if I try. I'm even considering going back on SS or SS+ for a little while if I think I need the extra push but I do like 810kcals per day, I seem to stay in ketosis on it quite easily and I find the food quantities easy to manage too. I'll just wait and see how I feel.

Days 190 - 193

2009-03-29T22:53:00.000+01:00

I had a great time away in Somerset. The boyfriend's new step family are all very nice and there was loads of great food. I think I would have gone completely insane if I had tried to stick to CD while I was there. I ate a lot but I managed to steer myself away from the drink most of the time, I had a glass of Bucks Fizz and one glass of very nice Pinot Grigio at the wedding breakfast but really couldn't manage any champagne so I had a little sip and gave the rest to the boyfriend.

The day after the wedding, boyfriend's dad treated us all, that's him and his lovely new wife, his 2 kids and me and his 2 step kids and their partners to a pub lunch. The food was absolutely great again, he really knows all the best places to eat, I hadn't realised he was such a foody which is a shame as if I had known that before, I think I would have got on a lot better with him. Boyfriend and I eventually got home about 7 that evening, still feeling full up and just had a light snack but this morning, I woke up feeling really hungry so I decided to have today off the diet too and get back on track Monday.

Wish me luck!

Days 187 - 190 - AM

2009-03-26T09:38:00.004Z

I'm off to Somerset for boyfriend's dad's wedding in a short while so this is just a quick update about the busy few day's I've just had. Monday was a day of cleaning work and several hours on public transport, it was hard work but I didn't have time to eat anything I shouldn't have.

On Tuesday, after a really poor night's sleep, I went to the motorbike training school for some training on a geared bike. I had a fun ride over to Northfields in morning rush hour traffic, I don't know why I enjoyed it, I must be some kind of pervert. I arrived about 15mins late but I've learned my lesson about rush hour now and won't be making the same error again. My instructor made me buy proper bike boots because my steel toecaps were impossible to change gear in and the new boots made a world of difference. I really made some good progress but not quite enough to go on the road yet so I'm going back for another half day training and a bit of on road fun next Wednesday. My instructor said many people don't bother doing a clutch conversion on their CBT, because it's not a legal requirement but he heartily commended me for making the effort. I know it's going to make me a better and safer rider and nothing is more important right now. He also let me have a ride on an expensive , flashy Varadero XL125, the 125 I would love to ride but probably can't afford and I've fallen completely in love with it! It has a v-twin engine and looks and sounds like a much bigger bike and handles like a dream!

On my way home I stopped at a friend's place nearby for green tea and a chat so I didn't get back home until pretty late. I didn't have time to stray from my diet on that day either, I actually struggled to fit everything in and may have possibly skimped on my water a bit, just because I was too preoccupied with other things to make sure I had enough.

On Wednesday I had to take the scooter back to the hire shop but first I had to help the boyfriend get some shoes to go with his nice new suit. Marks and Spencer came up trumps with some nice shoes that came in a wide fit and actually fit him properly! It turns out he's a size smaller than he thought he was, he had been going a size up to fit his wide feet all his adult life pretty much, I've had to do the same in the past myself so I know how horrible it is. If shoes are too long for me, when they break in properly, my feet slip back and forth in them and they are uncomfortable for ever and wear out way too quickly too.

At just after 5pm I reluctantly set off to return the scooter. I had almost a whole 2 hours to get it back to Fulham so I thought I'd take a slightly circuitous route and enjoy myself a bit. It was a foolish error, I got quite lost and ended up at Kensal Rise, somewhere I've never been before, with no idea how to get back, so I had to guess where to go by looking at where the rapidly setting sun was. When I eventually arrived in Fulham, it was completely dark and I got to the scooter shop 2 minutes before it closed only to find the back tyre was completely flat! So, somewhere along the way, I had got a puncture and driven some distance on it, without even noticing! Thinking in retrospect, for the last couple of miles, the scooter had seemed a little hard to handle but I put it down to the stress and worry of being a bit lost and possibly having to pay for an extra day's hire. Luckily, I got my £250 deposit back, no problem and I just about got home in time to see my helpful sister to hand over the spare keys to my flat so she can look after my cats while I'm away.

This morning I stepped on my scales to see if I was anywhere near my mini goal and to my shock, I'm bang on target! I know I'll be eating for a couple of days now so I might gain a couple of pounds back, but I'm sure I'll lose it again quickly.

Days 183 - 186

2009-03-22T21:02:00.005Z

I've been having excellent fun on the hired scooter. On Thursday I had to visit a client over in Muswell Hill and that was quite a pleasant little ride away. By time I was finished there it was dark so I had my first ever ride in the dark on my way back home. The day's dieting went pretty well too, I stuck to 810 with great ease, so I thought at the time. In retrospect I've realised I've missed out my milk allowance each day back on 810 so far. Ooops, it's only been 3 days, I hope I don't make a habit of it.

On Friday I rode down to Berkshire to see some friends and family. It was the furthest I had ridden and it was great fun! There was plenty of dual carriageway and also a few nice twisty B roads. The real darkness and lack of street lighting was slightly intimidating at first but I did OK and I'll get used to it. Most of the people I went to visit had not seen me for over a month and even though my weight-loss since then has been poor as far as I'm concerned, pretty much everyone I saw mentioned how different I look now. My grandma spent my whole visit trying to feed me so I ended up explaining a lot more about CD than I had before and I think she's a bit worried about me now. Hopefully I'll not have withered away to nothing before I next go and see her, that should put her mind at rest. I had a few lectures about losing weight too quickly from a couple of my other friends too and I'm not the sort of person to take the easy way out and just reply with 'I know what I'm doing' so I spent a considerable length of time explaining about CD and how it works to them too. Now, one of them thinks I'm nuts and the other fancies trying it herself!

On the way back to London on Saturday, I tried a different route suggested by my lovely biker friend and it was great, even more dual carriageway than on the way down, I got back quite quickly really. I did take a small detour through Hounslow by accident, I misread the lane markings and ended up coming off the A4 instead of following it all the way to Hammersmith. It wasn't too bad really and I was back on track within a couple of miles, it can't have added more than about 5 minutes to my journey.

Due to being very busy on Friday and Saturday, I managed to stick to the plan with great ease (apart from forgetting the milk allowance) and although I spent most of the day resting, the diet went fine today too. I also stepped on the scales today and I've somehow shifted 3lbs in the 4 days since my official weigh-in!! There's a very real chance I may reach my mini-goal after-all. I think the scooter is doing me good. Thank you Honda!

Days 180 - 182 - CDC Meeting

2009-03-18T21:22:00.005Z

Things have been up and down again so far this week. I had no work on Monday and again, temptation got the better of me, I only had a little bit of stuffing but it was enough to kick me out of ketosis. I'm seriously disappointed with myself after I'd managed to keep things more or less on track over the weekend but on Tuesday I had another dental appointment and another filling which helped me steer clear of the food and today (Wednesday) I was back in ketosis again.

I had no work today either so I decided to go and hire a scooter for the week so I can have a little more riding practice before I go and do my CBT clutch conversion. Although I can legally ride a geared bike if I want to, I'd feel happier with some extra training and a supervised ride before I buy my own motorbike and go it alone. I went to a really friendly scooter shop in Fulham and hired the 125 version of the scooter I did my CBT on. As I rode away I was pleasantly surprised at how much faster it was than the 50cc version and it took me a little while to get used to the excellent acceleration. I took a very circuitous route back home to Camden thinking I had plenty of time until my CDC meeting but after 1 hour I was still on Edgeware Road getting stuck in traffic. I try to filter through the traffic jams a bit but I'm not confident doing it very often. I'm not quite sure how wide the bike is and some gaps look a bit dangerous to me so I kept it to a minimum and just queued up with all the cars if I didn't feel confident.

I eventually got home at about 5:55, just in time. It had taken me almost an hour and a half to get back but I'd thoroughly enjoyed it, the weather was great and the scooter handled so much better than I expected. My CDC was a little bit late which gave me time to get some tea and relax before my weigh in. Here are the new stats:

Weight: 14st
BMI: 31.2

It's a poor loss again but it's still better than a gain. I told him how tricky I was finding the diet these days and suggested I tried 810kcals per day for a couple of weeks which he said was pretty much what he was going to suggest to me. He also said that even though my losses have been slow recently, he can really see the change in me, especially in my face which is very encouraging. I must admit the way I'm feeling is still changing even if my weight isn't so much, I still have lots more energy than I used to, I have a general sense of well-being and my poor dodgy knee isn't as painful as it used to be. My weight-loss so far has really helped my self confidence, I would have never got back into motorcycling if it weren't for the diet. However discouraged I feel these days, I'm not quitting CD now and I hope that if I can be a little more consistent with the diet at the 810 level, I may have some better results.

I'm pretty sure I've messed up my mini goal but all is not lost. I might still make it but if not, I promise not to beat myself up too much.

Days 176 - 179

2009-03-15T23:41:00.001Z

As I'd hoped, the diet went well on Thursday and Friday due to being rushed off my feet but unfortunately, my sleep pattern went a bit crazy too. I had a few nights of insomnia this week and by the end of it I was exhausted and looking forward to the weekend.

On Friday afternoon I went to the dentist and had a filling and although I didn't have particularly bad toothache before the filling, later that day, when the injection wore off, I was in so much pain I wanted to cry every time I moved my face. The paracetamol I took didn't even touch the pain and I couldn't even have my CD soup without agony! I hardly had any sleep at all that night because which ever side I tried to lay on seemed to be the most painful side.

On Saturday I had to go out for most of the day to help boyfriend find a respectable outfit for his dad's wedding that he could feel comfortable in which was a challenge not only because he's a real jeans and t-shirt type of guy who feels completely wrong in a shirt but also because I couldn't speak without the pain bringing tears to my eyes. Luckily we got through it somehow. Boyfriend bought a dark blue pinstriped suit that was nothing like what he had set out to buy but he felt comfortable in it and it actually really suited him and I bought some Solpadeine (on the pharmacists recommendation) which worked a treat and that afternoon I finally managed to get the first bit of proper sleep I'd had for almost a week.

When I woke up, in the very early hours of this morning, I hardly felt any pain at all in my jaw, just a dull ache. My newly filled tooth still seems a bit more sensitive than usual to hot and cold, but it's bearable and isn't putting me off my food and sachets any more luckily. Although I kept really strange hours this weekend, I utilised the time quite well and have pretty much decided what sort of motorbike I'm going to buy and how much it should cost me. If I'm frugal and sensible, I might even be able to hire a bike for this week for some extra riding experience before my helpful biker friend helps me buy one of my own. I've decided not to mess about with scooters though, I'm just going to go ahead and get a geared bike. I passed my CBT on an automatic, but I feel I have enough experience with gears to do OK and the sooner I get some practice in, the sooner I can start thinking about getting my proper motorbike license!

Days 173 - 175

2009-03-11T20:02:00.004Z

I had a pretty busy day on Monday, a few hours work in the morning, a quick meeting with my boss at lunchtime and an opticians appointment in the afternoon. I barely had enough time to get from one place to another in time, let alone think about eating, so on Monday I stayed on the CD straight and narrow with great ease.

Tuesday was a similarly busy type of day. I went to a new motorbike riding school and finally did my CBT (Compulsory Basic Training) so I can ride on the road as a learner. I've been struggling with geared motorbikes so I did my CBT on an automatic, at the instructor's suggestion. He said if I get some practice on the road with an automatic, it'll help build my confidence and hopefully, when I ride a geared bike again in the near future, I will find it a whole lot easier. He was very right, I went for a couple hours ride with the instructor and a very nice lady and had a really great time, didn't feel stressed in the traffic and passed my assessment with flying colours! My new instructor said a lot of riding schools will try and teach new riders how to ride geared bikes without riding an automatic first and they used to too but they found doing it this way required less visits, cost the rider less and ended up with a more confident and happy learner rider. At first I thought it sounded like a bit of a rip off, but now I completely agree. If I had done it this way originally, I think I could have been on the road ages ago.

Anyway, much to my chagrin, I'm going to have to buy myself a scooter this week. I don't plan to own it more than a month or two and as soon as I feel confident, I'm going to redo my CBT on a geared bike then sell the scooter and buy something a bit more 'motorbike'ish. I did consider hiring a scooter for a while, but I think it'll be a bit of a waste of money. A scooter can't depreciate too much in value over a couple of months and as long as nobody tries to steal it, I should get most of my money back when I sell it on. I think I might have to sell my bike jacket too, it's enormous on me now, even with he quilted lining in it. I know that ladies bike jackets in bigger sizes are quite hard to get so I'm hoping that because I've only worn it about a dozen times and I've looked after it very well, I should be able to get enough for it to buy a smaller one.

Today, I've had a day off and caught up with a bit of housework and computer maintenance. Unfortunately, I got a bit bored and also weakened and ate some pizza. Ho-hum, back on the wagon tomorrow........... I've got another couple of very busy days ahead so hopefully that'll help.

Days 169 - 172

2009-03-08T20:45:00.001Z

On Thursday I was working from home. Although that sounds like it could be a recipe for dieting disaster, when I work at home I tend to be too preoccupied to think about eating things I shouldn't and I behaved myself pretty well this time despite feeling pretty hungry. Even though I still wasn't in ketosis, I ended the day feeling really positive. Friday was similar to Thursday. I was moderately busy and thought that I would be able to keep things under control quite easily, but when boyfriend made himself a few toasted muffins and found his eyes were bigger than his belly and couldn't finish them all, I needed no persuasion whatsoever and I'm embarrassed to say I ate the last one.

After a good Thursday and a cheaty Friday (damn muffins, why do they have to be so delicious?) I was worried all my good work would go to pot at the weekend but I managed to keep things under control quite easily for a change. Maybe it's because the boyfriend was doing some overtime on Saturday, or perhaps having set goals is really good for me and genuinely helps me focus. I also got to have a look at the menu for boyfriend's dad's wedding reception and it looks fantastic!. There was nothing on there I could eat and still stay within CD rules so I'm just going to let go for the day and enjoy it. I know I can get back on track again the next day. Here's what I'll be having:

Roast Red Pepper and Tomato soup with herb oil and croutons
Sea Bass Fillets on herb crushed potatoes with a cherry tomato and creme fraiche sauce
White Chocolate Cheesecake with raspberry compote

My biggest concern is feeling unwell from all the food that my digestive system isn't used to. I remember my stomach hurting every time I had bread over Xmas, potato and pasta weren't such a problem, but rice and bread made me feel quite sick. I really hope my poor belly can take it because it looks like it's going to be a stunning meal.

Day 168 - CDC Meeting

2009-03-04T18:47:00.005Z

I had the best night's sleep last night, 10 whole hours, so it looks like my insomnia might be over, well for a while at least. I've had a pleasantly restful day too, there was a quick trip to the shops for a few essentials, a little bit of much needed tidying up and a bit of preparation for tomorrow's work, just catching up with the things I normally don't have time to do.

This evening's CDC meeting went OK, I didn't lose very much weigh at all:

Weight: 14st 2lb
BMI: 31.5

but it wasn't a gain so I'm not going to start panicking. I did end up chatting a lot more about motorbikes and computers than dieting, but I'm certainly not disappointed about that.

I've also decided on a new mini-goal to help spur me on. The boyfriend's dad is getting married towards the end of this month and I'd like to feel as comfy in the outfit I've chosen to wear to the wedding as possible so I'm aiming to lose 10lbs by 27th March. It only gives me 3 weeks and a couple of days but I don't see why I can't do it if I try hard enough. I've decided I'm going to eat at the reception but definitely not drink, I think it'll be much easier to get out of drinking than get out of dinner as boyfriend's dad knows I'm not a drinker.

In other CD news, I tried a chocolate tetra frozen then partially defrosted and it was rather nice. It came out a pleasant soft ice-cream type texture and it was the nicest tetra I've had so far.

Days 165 - 167

2009-03-03T20:14:00.006Z

My sleep pattern is really suffering at the moment, it had become a little irregular a few days ago but now it's blossomed into full-on insomnia. I've had a grand total of about 7 hours sleep over the last 3 nights and still managed to get to work for the last 2 days. I'm pleased and perplexed in equal measures over how I managed to do it but right now, I'm so tired I could cry and it's still only 8pm. Fortunately I have no work lined up for tomorrow so I will spend some time resting and having a tinker with one of my ongoing creative projects and just hope it'll be enough to distract me from food for the day until my CDC meeting in the evening. Although the diet has been going well for the last few days in some respects, I've been so disinterested in eating and so busy and distracted, I've had my small meal during the day but all my CD sachets and bars in the evening in a few hours. It's a terrible habit but I have enough time tomorrow to space them out properly so it shouldn't happen again.

I'm feeling quite nervous about my CDC meeting and weigh-in tomorrow. Last time I weighed myself, a few days ago, I'd actually gained a tiny amount of weight since my last official weigh-in and I've been too afraid to step on my scales since then. I knew the results wouldn't be great due to some cheating and horrible menstrual bloating, but I wasn't expecting an actual weight-gain, just a poor loss. I might weigh myself tomorrow morning just to get a rough idea of what to expect in the evening, but even if I haven't lost anything this week, I know my lovely CDC will find some way to put a positive spin on it. He's great like that!

I'm off to bed now to read my highway code......

Days 161 - 164

2009-02-28T23:37:00.003Z

My last blog post was a bit miserable because my poor knee gave up on Wednesday and I was feeling really sorry for myself. I missed a day's work and had to spend the next two days doing only a little light exercise. When my knee gets painful, which is not too often these days thankfully, I find the best way to deal with it is a slow stroll and some very gentle exercise rather than complete rest otherwise it seizes up and it takes longer to stop hurting. I went for a wonder to try and get a bra that fits me but after trying on lots and taking home a couple which I had to exchange, I gave up completely. I think I'll just have to make do with my half dozen ill fitting bras for the time being until I settle down into a size that is actually manufactured by humans, maybe that'll be after my TOTM, who knows. I'm not willing to spend days trying to buy simple underwear, I just hope my spine doesn't snap before then because my bust hasn't got any smaller yet, even after losing all this weight. What a swizz!!

I'm feeling horribly pre-menstrual, so horrible in fact, even the boyfriend has run away for the weekend. He's been off work again this week and my diet has gone a bit more awry than usual, what with the PMS and all. I've had a lot to do this week and I was hoping it would help me shift a few pounds but my eating has been bad, I feel all bloated and nasty due to the hormones, my sleep pattern has gone a bit crazy again and I've put on 1lb since my last weigh-in.

Boyfriend's absence has given me a chance to eat sensible stuff for the day, easily within 810kcals rules, and hopefully tomorrow will be similar. If I can keep the diet going at that sort of level until my next CDC meeting on Wednesday, I think I might actually lose some weight!

Days 155 - 160

2009-02-25T21:52:00.003Z

I've had a shockingly busy time since my last post. I've been up and down like an emotional yo-yo and cheated horribly at the weekend..... again! I've had so much to do I'm pretty sure I've burnt off any excesses quite quickly, but it's no excuse and I wish I could keep it in check. I think the boredom of CD is really getting to me these days rather than hunger. I'm just desperate for other flavours and textures and I almost wish I could start moving up the stages already. The only thing putting me off is the fact that I'm still losing weight at a good rate, even with my regular cheating, I just don't want to go back on the carbohydrates quite yet if I can get away with it.

I guess the fact that this is my 100th post here on this blog is something to celebrate anyway.

Day 154 - Meeting with CDC

2009-02-19T21:54:00.004Z

Today I've been feeling great. I wore a skirt that I bought at least 3 years ago that I had intended to slim into, I had never been able to fit into it before and now it fits me perfectly. Also, I popped out to grab some cash for my CD sachets and bars and ended up going out for a walk and doing shopping instead because I had so much energy I didn't know how to contain it. I had a good but somewhat motorbike related CDC meeting. I told him I was looking for a motorbike, just a 125, and we had a chat about the different bikes he's had and the upcoming changes to the DAS test, I guess it makes a change from rabbiting on about computers.

I'm incredibly relieved that I've had a good loss this time after a slow month, here are my results:

Weight: 14st 4lb
BMI: 31.8

I hardly noticed those 7lb losses at the start of the diet but now, they seem huge and I guess compared to my overall weight, they are quite huge really. For a change, I was willing to accept my CDC's congratulations on my weight-loss, it's been a while since I managed to shift a whole 7lbs in a fortnight, although I did have pangs of guilt at having cheated over the weekends. I guess all my walking is balancing out the extra calories I had, I am curious as to what would happen if I could stick to the diet and maintain my current level of exercise, that's what I'm aiming for between now and my next weigh-in and if I succeed, the results should be great.

Days 152 + 153

2009-02-18T22:23:00.003Z

After much fiddling about on Monday, I completely failed to solve the problem with the laptop. I solved a few problems the boss didn't know he had and got rid of some registry entries and directories left over by viruses and trojans but I didn't solve the main problem as it turned out it was not a problem with the computer after all, but actually a problem with either the mobile broadband modem or the account. When I went to drop the laptop back to him on Tuesday, I was really expecting disappointment but he was pretty cool about it and I still have a job, in fact, I may be going to his home to sort out his family computer soon.

Later that day I decided to go over to my favourite motorbike kit shop and get a new cheap and cheerful crash helmet. I left around 3pm, the bus journey usually takes about 1.5 hours but the traffic was horrible and I didn't get there until 6:20! It took over 3 hours and I completely missed the shop so I grabbed a bit of food for the boyfriend from the supermarket and headed straight back home. I didn't get home until nearly 9pm, I wasted 6 hours just buying the boyfriend's lunch but at least I didn't have time to eat that day.

Today I figured out how to get to the motorbike shop by tube and DLR and after my afternoon appointment, I tried to get there again. I didn't manage to get out of the house until 4pm and I was a little worried it would be a wasted journey again. However, I got to the shop in just under an hour and had plenty of time to browse. I chose a reasonably priced flip-up helmet but they didn't have any in my size apart from in black (which was a bit of a shock as I'm a medium size) so I went home empty handed and bought one by mail order on-line instead. On the way back I took a detour via Marks and Spencer on Oxford Street and treated myself to some proper thermals. I was very pleasantly surprised to find I only needed a size 16 for the longjohns and although the size 16 top was a little tight on me, I figured as I am still getting smaller and it'll stretch anyway, it should be fine. So it looks like I'm a big size 16 from the waist down about about 18 on top. It's a big difference from when I started, I was about a 20 - 22 bottoms and a 22 - 24 on top! When I think about it like that, it seems like a bit of a miracle but when I think about all the hard work I've put into this diet I'm just glad I did it.

You've probably noticed that I've given the blog a little bit of a makeover. I recently dyed my hair blue-black, just to help me get some work. I didn't want to get rid of my green hair but I need the money so I had to tone things down for a while. Hopefully when my new boss gets to know me a little better, some odd coloured hair can creep back into the picture, maybe a few streaks at a time. I also recently got some new spectacles, I bought them on-line and they were very cheap and have a lovely transparent purple frame. I've added a new photo to my profile and the new blog colour scheme is to reflect my new colour scheme. Hope you like it.

Days 149 - 151

2009-02-16T23:06:00.003Z

I'm ashamed to say I pretty much had a weekend off the diet. I started off with good intentions and behaved quite well at my brother's birthday sushi lunch but when the offer of my favourite wine came up later that evening I rashly decided on a few slices of pizza to knock me out of ketosis so I could have a couple of glasses of Sauvignon Blanc. The few slices became almost a whole 10" pizza and the couple of glasses of wine somehow became pretty much a whole bottle.

On Sunday I decided that lots of water and lots of walking was the answer to my problems. I must have walked about 10 miles and thoroughly enjoyed it despite a fuzzy feeling, post wine brain. I'm assuming it helped though because on Monday morning I was back in ketosis and weighed 3lbs less than I had before work on Friday morning. I also tried to explain a little more about my diet to my lovely gran seeing as she was kind enough to comment on my weight-loss since I'd last seen her. I explained to her that it was a very low-carb diet with lots of nutritional suppliments, which is fairly accurate I guess, and I managed to wriggle out of eating cake and sandwiches without too much difficulty.

I really think my new job is going to be a big help, I'm going to get way more exercise than I did when I spent most of my time sitting in front of various computers. As long as I can be reasonably good on the diet, my weight-loss might get a bit of a boost. My new boss already seems to like me and hopefully he'll like me even more if I can sort out this laptop he gave me to fix. He also mentioned to me that he might like his website updating too, every little helps. If things keep going like this I might even be able to buy myself a motorbike soon, I have my eye on a Honda Varadero XL125. Even though it's a 125 it looks like a 'grown-up' bike and has a V-twin engine!!! Amazing!

Days 144 - 148

2009-02-13T20:58:00.000Z

I've been a lazy blogger this week but very busy in the real actual world. I got really fed up with my poor finances recently and in the last few days I decided my casual job-search had to become something a little more effective so I spent a few days applying for every job in sight. I'm only looking for some part time cleaning or something else physical on boring, just to keep things ticking over while the IT stuff is a bit slow.

On Thursday I applied for a local part time cleaning job which seemed ideal and by some strange miracle, it wasn't already taken, I had an interview at lunchtime and a days work today! Today was just an extended interview, sort of. We all went along to clean a house to get it ready for new occupants and the people who worked well would be offered more work and those who didn't do so well would just be paid for that day. I'm quite pleased to say I worked hard, did a good job and have been promised more work and also I've come home with my new boss's wife's laptop to fix too! Hurrah!!

Needless to say, I've been too busy this week to think about eating and I've been a good CDer for most of it. I'm hoping I can find enough to occupy me this weekend to take my mind off eating because weekends are usually pretty hard for me plus. Tomorrow I'm taking my brother out to lunch for his birthday. Luckily he's a big sushi fan so I should be able to eat out with him within SS+ rules if I'm careful. I'm pretty sure a load of tuna sashimi and some daikon hair will be OK.

Days 140 - 143

2009-02-08T23:22:00.002Z

I seem to be quite good at this diet during the week but every weekend things go a bit wrong and temptation gets the better of me. I never go completely crazy and eat lots of cakes and potato though. I have just about enough self-control to steer clear of the carbohydrates but I eat the wrong types of meat and too many vegetables every time. I know I have some willpower, I managed to do 3 months on CD before Xmas by the book pretty much but that level of control seems to elude me these days.

I find the diet really tough when boyfriend is at home. It's not that I can't cope with watching him eat at all, but I've noticed that if I don't cook for him, he doesn't eat very well and because his job is very physical, he gets run down very quickly so I regularly feed him. The problem is, I end up eating some of what I cook half the time. I've tried feeding him on larger portions of things that are OK for me to eat the diet which does work sometimes but when he fancies a bit of pork, lamb or beef, I will quite often eat it too. I'd say my recent weekend diet is a cross between CD and Atkins and has slowed my weight-loss somewhat but hasn't knocked me out of ketosis.

It's a shame I can't behave myself these days, I'm really starting to feel completely different, like my brain is finally catching up with the changes to my body. I'm trying to find some extra part time work at the moment to keep things ticking over while the computer repairs are a bit thin on the ground so I'm going to throw every thing into my job search this week and hope it distracts me from food long enough to have a proper CD week. I know I can have some pretty spectacular results when I do things properly and I know I have it in me somewhere to do that. I'm hoping that the momentum of a good week will be enough to propel me through the weekend without misbehaving.

Days 137 - 139 - Meeting with CDC

2009-02-04T22:17:00.002Z

I've not posted for a few days because my life has been quite boring. I've had a little bit of work and a lot of sliding about on slushy ice and snow, much like the rest of the country. More importantly though, I've been just getting on with the diet with minimum fuss and deviation from the plan and today's weigh-in result reflects that I think. Here are my stats:

Weight: 14st 11lb
BMI: 32.9

It feels great to be past my halfway point and in the 14s at last, I'm not sure why but I really feel like some sort of milestone has been reached. My CDC was saying it might be because '14 stones' has a sort of normal sound to it, it sort of sounds like a normal sort of weight range to be in and I know exactly what he means. I'm really beginning to feel comfortable with myself, not in an 'I'll just stop here' sort of way, more in an 'I can reach my weight goal, it's not so far away any more' way. I'm just a couple of BMI points away from being out of the 'obese' range and into the 'overweight' range and I'm looking forward to that.

Although I am still losing weight, I feel like I'm not doing as well as I was before my Xmas break. I'm cheating and deviating from the plan far too often so I think it's time for a little extra push. I'm going to set a few mini goals again now so I have something to aim at. I'll have a good hard think about it over the next few days and decide what I want. I still have that cute, stripy, size 16 dress to fit into and last week I picked up some black and grey striped, skinny jeans in a size 14 that I hope to be able to wear when I reach my goal too, but I need some interim goals too just to spur me on a bit.

Days 135 + 136

2009-02-01T23:30:00.004Z

I've had a busy weekend which means the diet has been pretty easy as I've not had time to think about food. I've also had the great bouncy energetic feeling for the last couple of days so I took advantage of it on Saturday and got some much needed (and much dreaded) shopping done.

I've been having a few problems with my clothes lately, most of them are too big now and seeing as work is a little thin on the ground, I don't have the cash to buy smaller ones right now. I've picked up a few bargains on eBay and in the local charity shops but I've been struggling to find a good, cheap winter coat so I braved my old stomping ground and headed on down to Walworth Road and East Street market and managed to find a waterproof, windproof, bright green jacket in a size 18 for just £10! It's a hiking type jacket and it's extremely warm, well padded and roomy enough on me to wear a good sized jumper underneath too, in fact, it may even be slightly too large.... but it's a huge improvement on the massive size 22 parka coat I was wearing before which was so huge on me it seemed to suck up freezing air from the bottom everytime I moved, and freeze my whole body. Although my new coat is short compared to my old one, it's much warmer and it was cheap enough that I don't mind if it's useless by next winter.

Today was a little more leisurely. I had a little bit of work to do, setting up a new laptop and configuring and securing a wireless router and the boyfriend came home from his weekend away. I cooked him a big dinner and managed to eat a tiny sensible portion of the CD friendly elements. It wasn't totally CD-legal, but it was carb free and a nice small portion so I feel OK about it.

Days 132 - 134

2009-01-30T23:06:00.003Z

I've come to the conclusion that I'm rubbish at CD when the boyfriend is around. He had a whole week off work this week and we spent a couple of days together, Wednesday and Thursday, between his two weekends away catching up with friends and family. On Wednesday, my eating went horribly wrong, I had a giant burger with salad and chips so the next day, I was completely out of ketosis. On Thursday we went for a look around the Science Museum which was excellent fun and a great distraction from my rumbling stomach. I ate too much that day too but I did manage to stick to a no-carb diet and thankfully, it was enough to get me back into ketosis.

This morning I woke up with that familiar energetic feeling and a distinct lack of hunger so today has been a perfect SS+ day I'm pleased to say. I've had quite a busy time which also helped keep the diet on track but I really have to figure out a way of sticking to plan when boyfriend is around. It's not his fault really, but I need very little encouragement to stray away from the diet. If I say I really fancy something or I have a really strong craving or I really miss a particular food he'll always encourage me to have it, he is always quick to say 'Go on, eat, it'll be OK'. Nine times out of ten I'll tell him off when he says that but too often I'll just eat. I think I'll just have to keep my urges and cravings to myself in future. I think it's a bit of a shame though because sometimes just a little prod in the right direction or a reminder of why I'm doing this would really help me along.

Days 127 - 131

2009-01-27T20:10:00.002Z

I've been a very lazy blogger lately, sorry about that!

On Friday, I bought a second hand TV from a very nice guy on eBay. When I agreed to buy it, I knew it was a 32inch, wide-screen, CRT (in dark metallic blue with a matching stand, very attractive!) and I knew it would be huge and heavy but I just wasn't prepared for the farce of getting it home in my friend's tiny car and then getting it up to the forth floor of my old, lift deprived, block of flats. Somehow, we managed to get the giant TV into the back-seat of the car and the boyfriend just about managed to fit in next to it, but we had to disassemble the stand to get it into the boot. Boyfriend and I could barely lift the TV between us but we managed to get it across the car park and up all those stairs with just 3 short breaks to allow our blood to circulate back into our fingers. I spent the rest of the afternoon shifting all my furniture around and rewiring my stereo, computer, DVD player, Freeview box and other things so they were all working together again. I had a great work out that day, I did hurt my shoulder a bit but it was much better in a few days

I had no hunger and plenty of energy all weekend and went out every day while the boyfriend was away. I did lots of walking, a few miles per day and even though my knee is a little on the sore side, it hasn't been holding me back as much as it did a few months ago. Although I'm still waiting to hear about my physiotherapy, I've had some real improvements as far as the pain goes, I think it's just happening on it's own as my weight has come down. The only problem is, it started getting bad a couple of years ago and at the time, I weighed about 2 stone less than I do now so I don't really know what set it off again, I'm still hoping I can get some physio or some sort of help with it because if I lose all the weight I am aiming to lose then find myself unable to walk, I can see the weight creeping back up again and I refuse to diet again EVER!

On Sunday I was a bit bored so I decided to get a bus over to the giant Tesco store on Old Kent Road for a bit of shopping and a change of scenery. While I was there, hitching my only fitting pair of jeans up constantly, I decided to buy a cheap pair of jeans to keep me going. I bought some cheap and cheerful, dark blue, skinny jeans in a size 18. Although the jeans I was wearing at the time were a size 18, I convinced myself that they were only too big because they had been severely stretched, I've had them for 3 years and kept wearing them for a while as I put on weight. However, when I got home and tried on my new size 18 jeans, I found they were also too big so first thing on Monday morning, I rode the bus all the way back to south London and exchanged them for the same jeans in a 16 which fit me quite well, there's minimal muffin-topping, in a few weeks they will be perfect but they are quite wearable in the mean-time.

On Tuesday evening, the boyfriend returned. I'd cooked some stewed lamb to help him recuperate from the long train journey and ended up having some with him. Apart from the fact it was lamb, it was an almost CD friendly meal, it was just stewed with some celery, mushrooms and herbs and served with a little purple sprouting broccoli. I'd like to be able to say I had a sensible portion but seeing as it was lamb, it wasn't very sensible period. It was delicious though!

Day 126

2009-01-22T19:13:00.000Z

I feel a lot better today than I have in a while, in fact I feel pretty positive for a change. I woke up very early this morning after an 11 hour sleep feeling incredibly well rested for the first time in a couple of weeks. I jumped on the scales first thing when I got up and found I was below the 15 stone mark again which means that come next official weigh-in, I should be comfortably in the 14s and I can't even begin to explain how excited I feel about that! I've made a pledge to myself to play it by the book this week and see how well I can do. All the encouraging things my CDC was telling me yesterday were really starting to sink in today and I feel happy about how much weight I've managed to lose so far. It may be coming off a little slowly at the moment but it's still coming off and it'll probably come off a little faster now I'm feeling more in control.

As the day wore on I realised that I wasn't feeling half as hungry as I have been lately so maybe my difficult phase is over, and not a moment too soon. Over the last 2 weeks I was having more cheating days than good CD-er days and only the guilt of my bad behaviour was preventing me from losing the plot completely. Today I feel refreshed and positive and am starting to feel like my weight goals are achievable again. To further push the point, I decided to try on some of the clothes I was wearing at the start of this diet with hilarious results. I knew that my favourite striped trousers would fall right off so I tried on some jeans that were a little too tight when I was at my largest and they too fell right off in a comical fashion. I tried on a couple of tops too but the effect isn't so spectacular as my bust doesn't appear to have shrunk at all yet.

Feeling buoyed by my comical trouser experience I treated myself to a SS+ appropriate chicken portion for breakfast followed by a cappuccino mousse with a sprinkle of cinnamon. The mousse turned out so delicious I made my boyfriend taste it and he was pretty impressed too. I had a cranberry bar at lunchtime and because I didn't have any veg with my chicken, I dry-fried them with a few herbs and spices and turned my last soup of the day into a 2 course meal. I spread my food across the day enough to not feel deprived at all and I feel so relieved to have got through the day without even feeling tempted to cheat.

My last goal of the day is to stay awake late enough for EastEnders.... nearly there!

Days 124 +125 - Meeting with CDC

2009-01-21T19:26:00.002Z

Tuesday was another struggle to stay in control of my hunger. I'd been awake since 10pm the previous evening and by time it got light, I was feeling pre-menstrual, starving and exhausted already. I had arranged to go and visit my sister on Tuesday evening so I ate some beef and salad at lunchtime then around 3 that afternoon I decided to have a couple of hour's nap to see me through the day but it went a bit wrong and I managed to sleep for 10 hours solid. I finally woke at almost midnight to find I'd managed to disable my alarm clock in my sleep.

Today has been a little easier. Even though my day started at midnight I somehow managed to stay up until my CDC meeting at 6pm. Here are my new stats:

Weight: 15st 1lb
BMI: 33.5

I don't feel great about the result. It's a pretty poor loss and a disappointment as I had weighed under 15st when I first woke up. My CDC refused to let me feel bad about it though and pointed out that I was around my halfway mark now which is definitely something to feel happy about but I'm not feeling it right now. Maybe after a proper night's sleep I'll feel more like celebrating.

Day 123

2009-01-19T23:41:00.000Z

My suspicions were correct, I definitely have PMS now. I have had that familiar red meat craving for a couple of days and my sleep pattern has gone completely crazy, I'd been awake since yesterday early afternoon and went to sleep about 4pm this afternoon. Even though I've been in ketosis for the last few days, I've still been feeling incredibly tired (although I've been failing miserably to sleep) and very hungry but only for very specific foods so today I had a nice little rare steak and a pile of wilted spinach. Not really very CD-legal but it certainly hit the spot. I went for a nice little walk this afternoon to keep myslf awake and to try and burn some of the weekend's excesses off, just a couple of miles, nothing drastic, but I felt so tired when I got back I had to go to sleep. I was hoping to sleep for about 10 - 12 hours which would have meant I'd woken up at an almost reasonable time but I woke up at 10pm so I don't quite know how I'm going to cope with my busy day tomorrow

Also, I stepped on the scales earlier to find I've put on 2lbs since I weighed myself last Wednesday. I don't think it's diet related, I think it's more PMS related. I think when my official weigh-in comes this Wednesday it will still show a loss, just not a very big one.

Days 120 - 122

2009-01-18T23:11:00.005Z

I seem to be developing bad weekend habits which I strongly suspect are a lot to do with hanging about with the boyfriend and watching him eating. Although I found some days over the last week quite tough, I seem to struggle more at the weekends. At least this weekend wasn't as bad as the last one. I made fairly sensible non-carb food choices this time and had all the CD sachets I was supposed to have, but I ate fatty meats like lamb and beef and had far too many vegetables. I think my TOTM is due very soon too, which doesn't help one little bit, but at least I don't turn into a chocolate monster like some of my friends do.

Next Saturday the boyfriend is going away for a long weekend, he won't be back until Tuesday so it'll give me a chance to try and behave a little better without someone eating things I can't have around me.

I'll get the weekend munchies under control somehow!

Days 117 - 119

2009-01-15T23:44:00.001Z

Well, my keeping busy plan worked beautifully and I'm relieved to be back in ketosis properly as of today. Although I had plenty to keep me busy the last couple of days, I was still feeling quite hungry and really found sticking to CD very hard indeed.

While I was working yesterday, my lovely new client brought me a cup of tea and a biscuit but because I was busy and distracted I didn't really register the biscuit and didn't get a chance to say 'Thanks but no thanks'. As soon as I had a spare second I grabbed the tea for a swig then took a big bite from the biscuit without even thinking! As soon as I started to crunch it up, I sort of realised what I was doing by which time it was too late to do anything but spit it out. As you can imagine, there was no way I was gobbing out half chewed biscuit at a new client's home so I silently cursed myself and finished off every buttery crumb.

Today was back to CD normal, food was so far from my mind that I actually forgot to have a sachet before I went out to do some work and I forgot to take any bars or tetras with me so I didn't get anything at all until the evening. It's not something I make a habit of, I'm usually quite good at having my CD meals even when I don't want them but I was just too busy to fit everything in today. I do love a good bit of ketosis!

Oh, and my hair is a deep shade of racing green now, I love it.

Days 114 - 116

2009-01-12T23:41:00.003Z

I spent the whole weekend feeling really run-down and miserable. I spent many hours sleeping and I ate lots of things I shouldn't have too, things I don't even particularly like. I'm not too sure what came over me, maybe the hard week I'd had just all caught up with me at once or something like that. I spent a lot of last week looking for a job and feeling really stressed out. Things have been really slow on the work front for a couple of months now but they always get even slower just after Xmas so I've been hunting for a boring job like cleaning, just to keep things ticking over. The problem is, because I've been self-employed for a while I don't have any recent employer references and a lot of employers don't accept references from clients for some annoying reason. I'm just going to try and hunt down a temp agency that isn't too fussy about these things, there's bound to be one, and get some boring manual work for a while otherwise the CD is going to become an unaffordable luxury for me.

I was expecting to have a heck of a job getting my diet back on track after my weekend of frivolity but today I've been feeling quite normal and I've hardly been hungry at all! I've had an almost perfect SS+ day, just a sausage over the top. I've got some work lined up for the next few days so that should help keep me too busy to eat hopefully and I am going to see a brand new client on Wednesday so I'm going to give my hair a fresh coat of green tomorrow, that never fails to perk me up.

Days 111 - 113

2009-01-09T21:30:00.003Z

I've had a few tough but manageable days, I've eaten slightly too much each day but I've made sensible choices so I'm not too upset with myself just a little disappointed really. Although I've started each day in ketosis I seem to get very hungry indeed by the evening and have done a ketostix test each evening only to find I'm not in ketosis any more, consequently, my dinners have been a little on the generous side.

I'm just going to grit my teeth and keep going and hope I can pull it together over the weekend.

Also, my nifty red boots turned up in the post today. I was sensible enough to order them in 2 different sizes in the hope that one of them would fit my big, wide feet. One pair was much too big but the other pair was a little small but wouldn't cripple me and wouldn't have been too hard for me to break in, the only problem was they weren't red! They were a nasty, dull, dark burgundy colour and nothing like the lush, shiny, blood-red colour they looked on the website so they are going straight back to the shop and I'll just have to keep searching...

Day 110 - Meeting with CDC

2009-01-06T22:16:00.000Z

I had a nice cheerful meeting with my CDC today which ended up being somewhat computer related much to my nerdy delight. I'll happily chat about computers for hours at the drop of a hat and I'm always glad to be able to help people with their computer related problems, maybe that's why I'm not rich yet. Anyway, here are my stats for this week:

Weight: 15st 3lb
BMI: 33.9

I've only lost a pound but that's still pretty impressive considering how much quiche and pork I ate in the last 2 weeks. I'm also really feeling in control of my diet now too, more than I have in a while, which is fortunate as I'm still feeling pretty hungry and am praying for ketosis to come soon.

I'm also starting to think I'm losing a bit of hair at the moment. It doesn't look thinner, I do have very thick hair anyway so it would take a long time for that to happen, but there has seemed to be lots more than usual on my hairbrush for the last week or so. I'm not upset but I am a little disappointed, I had quite a drastic haircut a couple of weeks ago, from small-of-the-back length to around shoulder length. If I'd known it was going to start falling out, I may have gone for an even more drastic cut!

Days 108 + 109 - Back on 810 kcals

2009-01-05T22:14:00.001Z

Well I'm not quite doing SS+ yet as I had hoped, but I've been on about 810kcals per day for this last 2 days and I'm pretty pleased with myself because I'm starting to feel like I have some self-control again. I'm not in ketosis yet though so I'm feeling ravenous but last time I was on 810kcals, I went into ketosis so it should be coming soon.

Because of my non-CD behaviour over the last few weeks, I still have loads of sachets, a couple of tetras and even a few bars left over, in fact, I easily have enough for the next 2 weeks. My CDC is still coming over tomorrow for a weigh-in and a chat but I won't be buying any more CD stuff until the following meeting. I'm a bit relieved to be able to save the cash, after buying so many prezzies for my family I'm completely flat broke at the moment and judging by the amount of work I've been getting lately, everyone else is skint too.

Usually I'll weigh myself the day before a CDC meeting but I daren't today. I'm just going to wait until he's here if I can stand the suspense.

Day 107

2009-01-03T22:08:00.004Z

Today went pretty much as planned. I ate slightly too much again but it was pure, lean, protein so I'm not worried at all. I'm fairly confident I should be back on SS+ tomorrow and hopefully I'll be in ketosis too. My distraction plan worked well too, I braved Oxford Street today and it was very distracting indeed in a terrifying sort of way. I got a refund on my cute red boots and when I got home, I ordered some similar ones (but in a wide fit) from good old fashionworld.co.uk and they were £20 cheaper too!!

Days 105 + 106

2009-01-02T22:16:00.004Z

For the last 2 days, I've still been struggling to get back to the plan and failing miserably. I'm not sure why I'm finding it so difficult but maybe I'm subconsciously dreading the carb withdrawal stage. I nearly lost my mind the last time I had to go through that, I'm really no good at hunger and that's one of the reasons I ended up so overweight in the first place.

Although I have eaten more that I should have for a good CD day today, it has all been protein and vegetables so hopefully, cutting down the quantities tomorrow won't feel so difficult. Maybe I'll even be back in ketosis again soon, that would be a real relief! Tomorrow, I plan to go out for as much of the day as possible, hopefully that'll distract me from food long enough to get a grip at last.

Regular readers of my blog will know I have real trouble getting shoes that fit me and I've needed some smartish/neutral footwear for work for a while now. I bought some very cute red boots yesterday in the sale but however much I try to tell myself they will stretch a bit, I don't think I have a chance of breaking hem in without crippling myself and ruining the boots. They actually make my toes go numb after 5 minutes of wear, that'll teach me for thinking a D width could ever fit me. I'm going to spend tomorrow wondering around every shoeshop I can find in the hope that one of them caters for wide footed lasses like me.

Oh I hate shopping!

Days 103 + 104

2008-12-31T17:31:00.003Z

I've been struggling for the last couple of days to get back on the wagon. It's been way harder than I thought it would be and despite my good intentions, I keep eating utter rubbish. Not in huge amounts or anything, just enough to keep me well out of ketosis. It seems to be a combination of my well-meaning, feeder boyfriend and my terrible pastry habit keeping me down at the moment so I'm going to try and use New Year's Day (tomorrow) as a new starting point and just beg him to stop buying pies until I get my act together.

I had a little unofficial weighing session today to see what sort of damage I'd done to my weight over the last week and it wasn't too bad really, I'm 15st 8lbs now. It does mean I completely missed my '15st by Xmas trip' goal but hey, I'm only human and I still weigh 3 stones less than I did just over 3 months ago!

Days 97 - 102 - Diet break

2008-12-29T11:45:00.006Z

I haven't posted for almost a week due to illness and being busy in equal measures. I had some time off CD while I recovered from my horrible sore throat and then when I went to visit some family and friends in Berkshire. In the end, my throat problem lasted an entire week, maybe if I had stopped the diet sooner, I would have recovered a little sooner but it worked out OK just about as I suddenly started feeling a lot better just 1 day before I was due to go to Berkshire.

I really enjoyed my time away. I got to spend some time with my granny and cleverly timed my visits so they were between mealtimes so she didn't force-feed me until I burst. I also spent some time with 2 of my oldest, dearest friends. I hadn't intended to, but I did get rather drunk on Saturday night but I certainly won't be doing that again in a hurry seeing as I'm aiming to be back in ketosis by the end of this week at the very latest. I'm not doing anything for New Year's eve, apart from maybe watching the fireworks from the roof of the flats so I'll just wean myself off the carbs over the next few days and with any luck, I'll shed the extra 4lbs I put on over the last week very quickly.

I was expecting to feel tempted to overeat when I took a break from the diet but I really wasn't. I've probably had my most sensible Xmas eating ever this year. I think it's because I've still been having the occasional CD sachet or bar and I've been knocking back good quantities of water and peppermint tea.

Day 96 - Meeting with CDC

2008-12-23T23:56:00.000Z

Today's CDC meeting didn't last very long because I can barely speak but I managed to explain to him what has been going on with the diet lately and how hard I'm finding it. He told me to stop worrying about it and just eat sensibly until I feel better. I'm going to keep having the sachets and bars though, a few good nutrients can't hurt. I've bought a few chocolate tetras for when I go away and I'm quite looking forward to trying them. By the sound of it, they are quite sweet and thick so I'm prepared to water them down if they are a bit too much for me, it's got to be easier than preparing sachets on the go!

Anyway, this weeks weigh in results were OK:

Weight: 15st 4lb
BMI: 34

I'm pretty happy with that loss, it may not be as much as previous losses but considering how much I cheated and the fact that I'm not in ketosis any more, that's not too bad. I know that when my health is better and I'm getting more sleep I'll be able to get back on track without too much difficulty and hopefully, the losses will be a bit better then.

Day 95

2008-12-22T22:24:00.001Z

Because I slept all day yesterday I was up all night and had to take a nap this afternoon for a few hours. The diet went sort of OK for most of the day, during the night I had a chocolate CD bar and a vegetable soup sachet then a few hours later, some mushrooms and pollack. Everything went fine up until boyfriend got home from work feeling hungry then I talked him into going out and buying me a burger! (yes that's right, 'I' talked 'HIM' into it!) Of course I'm completely out of ketosis due to my weekend's eating and it's going to get much harder to get things under control because of it but I will do my best.

I had to step on the scales today to see how much damage I'd done and the results weren't too bad, I'm about 15st 4lbs which means I've lost around 5lbs in the last 2 weeks. It's still a decent loss, but I don't feel like I deserve it.

I'm just praying I get a decent night's sleep tonight.

Days 92 - 94 - First day back on 810kcals

2008-12-22T00:48:00.000Z

On Friday I would have liked to be in a celebratory mood but I failed miserably. I had plenty to celebrate, it had been exactly 3 calendar months since I started CD and was the first day back on 810kcals per day for the week over Xmas but my sore throat had turned into an 'Oh my god I can't swallow' throat and I was feeling weak, run-down and sorry for myself. I really did feel like curling up under a duvet on the sofa all day and wallowing in self pity but I had way too much to do to prepare for the Solstice eve family dinner the following day.

The diet went completely to the wall that day too. It had originally started off with a rule bend/break of some battered cod but later that evening, after lots and lots of dashing about, supermarket shopping and things, I ate some chips reheated in the microwave! I don't know how it came to that because I'm not a chip fan anyway, and reheated chips are awful, but I somehow managed to enjoy them. I only had 2 CD sachets that day too I'm ashamed to say. If I'd had another when I got home maybe I could have avoided the chips.

That night, my throat got even worse and I only managed to get 3 hours of sleep before the pain of swallowing woke me up. As soon as I possibly could I went to a pharmacy and got some super strong throat numbing spray and luckily it really helped. After another dash around the supermarket with the boyfriend, I got on with the cooking for the solstice eve dinner. I cooked a huge joint of pork, some home-made chestnut, mushroom and millet stuffing (I made up the recipe on the fly, it turned out very well), roasted carrots and parsnips with rosemary and honey, roast sweet potatoes, some savoy cabbage and proper home-made gravy. My brother turned up early and helped me with some of the prep which really helped make the cooking easier for poor sickly me.

I went slightly nuts with the food but not completely out of control and I'm sort of semi proud of myself. I did have some of the stuffing because it was a made-up-as-I-went-along recipe and I couldn't feed it to anyone unless it was good. I had a small helping along with my well trimmed pork, savoy cabbage and gravy. I managed to resist the lure of the roasted root veggies and that was really difficult but I did it! However, I did weaken in the end and had some of the pork crackling and an extra helping of stuffing but I still steered clear of those sweet tasty roast vegetables!

After lots of clearing up, I finally got to bed around midnight on Saturday but woke up again a little after 4AM with terrible throat pain, coughing and gasping for breath. I did my best to get back to sleep but it wasn't happening and I ate a little of the leftover pork with some savoy cabbage and gravy which actually really helped and I managed to get back to sleep about 8ish. I woke up again around lunchtime feeling even worse, sprayed my throat and went back to sleep and woke again around 6PM to find a text message from my CDC asking if it was OK for him to move our meeting to Tuesday instead of Monday. I was quite pleased since I had spent the whole of that day sleeping already, I just hope I can get my sleeping pattern into some sort of control by then really. I eventually woke up enough to get up around 11PM, I pretty much slept for the whole day and I still don't feel any better.

As soon as it's a reasonable time in the morning, I'm going to have to cancel all my plans for tomorrow because I can't speak and I feel awful. I've also got no enthusiasm for the diet at all, I've been having all my water but I keep missing sachets and having extra food and blaming my illness. I'm going to do my best to reign it in on Monday otherwise my weigh-in on Tuesday is going to be pretty depressing.

Day 91

2008-12-18T23:43:00.000Z

I only had about 5 hours sleep again last night. I woke up well before 5:30am feeling completely alert but like my throat had been sandblasted and had a CD soup sachet in bed about an hour later as the central heating warmed my flat up a bit. Around 8AM I started to feel really tired again so I though I would have a nap until boyfriend got home from work. I sort of semi-remember him coming and talking to me at some point but don't remember the conversation apart from me refusing a cup of coffee. When I eventually woke up properly, it was after 4PM so it looks like all the poor sleep nights I had recently caught up with me at once!

I've drunk over 3 litres of water and peppermint tea today but my lips are still dry and a little cracked so I'm going to blame whatever is making my throat feel so raw and painful. I don't seem to have a proper cold, I just feel really horrible but I do still intend to cook a big meal for my friends and family on Saturday for Winter Solstice eve. I've been planning this mini get together for almost a month and I'm really looking forward to it seeing as I'm doing nothing at all for Xmas.

Tomorrow I change plans up to 810kcals per day for the next week. I had originally planned to go back down to SS+ the week after that but as I'll be visiting friends and family that week I may have to move up to 1000kcals per day for that week then start going back down the steps the following week. I'm seeing my CDC earlier in the week than usual, on Monday, I'll ask him about it then.

Day 90

2008-12-17T22:04:00.002Z

My friend left today, she's off to Thailand for the rest of the winter which is a very sensible thing to do if you ask me. For the 2 nights she has been here, I've not really been getting much sleep, about 4-5 hours each night so I really hope I can do a bit better than that tonight. It's nothing to do with my guest at all, it's just an unfortunate coincidence that I have someone staying and am also having trouble sleeping. I'm feeling so worn out but because the boyfriend works nights, I don't want to go to bed until he gets up otherwise I wake him up when I go to bed and he wakes me when he gets up so I'm going to try and wait until about midnight if I can.

On the CD front, I've had a bit of a naughty day. I did manage to eat all my 3 CD meals but for my SS+ meal I had some of the pork I was cooking for the boyfriend which is way too fatty for CD. I didn't have a huge amount, I did really enjoy it and it meant I didn't have to go out shopping in my exhausted state so there will be no regrets and strictly no beating myself up about it.

As the evening is wearing on, I've been finding my throat is feeling more and more like I've been gargling with broken glass. Also, while I've been typing this, I've had a few sneezing fits and gone through about 10 tissues so I'm beginning to think I'm coming down with a cold. This is bad news for a couple of reasons, one being that it's getting perilously close to my Winter Solstice family dinner and the other being that I've no idea how hard it's going to be for my body to deal with on CD. I know I'm getting good nutrition on this diet so that's not worrying me, but my normal practises when I have a cold involve drinking honey and lemon and eating lots of garlic and I can't do either of those things. I think I'm just going to have to look for some sugar free throat sweets tomorrow.

Days 88 + 89

2008-12-16T23:54:00.000Z

It's been a pleasant couple of days and the diet has been going really well. I've had 2 days of almost perfect SS and a little taste of tuna sashimi yesterday and a small piece of chicken today. I've a friend staying for a couple of days and have had no problems watching her eat. I think I might have trouble watching a whole roomful of people eat, but one person munching away in the same room as me does not bother me in the slightest. It's a good job really, my poor boyfriend would have starved to death by now otherwise.

It's also been a couple of days of many great compliments, everyone has been telling me how great I look. I've been feeling a little bored with the diet for the last few days but I'm getting so many positive comments recently, it's really helping me to keep going. I'm about halfway to my goal weight and I really feel like I can make it.

Because it's non-CDC week this week, I've had a little weighing and measuring session today and I've lost another 3lbs and finally managed to shed another inch from my waist. If I keep going at this rate, I'll be bang on target for my '15st by family visiting time' mini-goal, although my grey jeans may fall down in front of my granny! Luckily, I dug out a pair of slightly smaller black flared jeans a couple of days ago that I had completely forgotten about, although I do prefer closer fitting jeans at this time of year because they are less draughty and I'm really feeling the cold this winter. Maybe long thermal socks is the answer, anything to avoid clothes shopping!

Days 86 + 87

2008-12-14T23:11:00.002Z

I woke up very early on Saturday morning after a decent night's sleep feeling nice and refreshed and decided to have some poached cod and broccoli for breakfast. It's not a normal sort of breakfast but I knew I had such a lot to do that day I may not have time to cook later on so I got my SS+ meal out of the way first thing. I cooked, made myself some peppermint tea and grabbed some Star Trek Voyager DVDs and headed back to bed for a leisurely breakfast in bed and a healthy dose of 6AM sci-fi. The next thing I knew, it was lunchtime and I woke up with the empty plate and a happy cat licking all the fish flavour up on my lap. I hadn't even felt tired, I was just trying to keep warm while the heating had a chance to warm the flat up a bit. It managed to miss the whole morning and throw my sleep pattern and my weekend plans into chaos.

I spent most of that afternoon tackling some housework and putting the finishing touches to an ear-flap hat I'd crocheted for myself then went over to help my sister hook up her broadband. Even though I took a bar out with me, I didn't get a chance to eat it and I had all three CD meals that evening. I also forgot to eat on Sunday until mid afternoon when boyfriend got home with some chicken for me. I didn't have my first sachet of the day until about 7PM, it just slipped my mind. I'm not happy that I keep forgetting my meals lately, my confusing sleep patterns don't help either, routines just don't exist.

Earlier today, I had a good sort through the clothes in my wardrobe that I haven't looked at for a while to see what fits these days and found lots of things I had forgotten about. I found another pair of jeans that are a little smaller than the grey ones I've been wearing, they fit around my hips but I need to lose a couple of inches from my waist before I can wear them. I also found some trousers I'd never worn and frankly, I don't even remember buying them. They are black with purple satin trim and they are sort of combat trouser style, quite odd but not ugly. I also found a few rather nice goth type clothes that I had forgotten about and they all nearly fit me. Looks like I'll have some nice things to wear in a few weeks and I can avoid shopping for a bit longer.

Days 84 + 85

2008-12-12T21:30:00.003Z

After the last post, just before bed, I decided to do a ketostix test and I was in ketosis as I suspected. Needless to say, the last 2 days have gone quite well because I'm not feeling as hungry as I did last week.

Even after my long day on Wednesday after very little sleep, I only managed to get 4 hours sleep that night but luckily, I only had to go and see 1 client on Thursday afternoon and spent the rest of the day just pottering about, crocheting and tidying up my poor messy flat. When I got home from work and shopping, I realised I had only had 1 sachet so far that day so I had a bowl of mousse but really couldn't manage any more. I even unwrapped a peanut bar and chopped it up, but I just couldn't face eating it that night.

After 2 nights of skimpy sleep, I was a bit worried about getting a decent amount of sleep but today I woke up feeling great after sleeping solidly for almost 10 hours. I was working from home for most of the afternoon so it was a nice restful day for me with just a quick stomp to the High Street in the late afternoon for a change of scenery. I was feeling quite hungry in the morning so a few hours after my soup sachet, I had some canned tuna and spinach in sensible quantities, which really hit the spot. I may not have stuck to SS for the rest of the week as I had intended, but I'm not upset with myself, I didn't overdo it and I feel fine.

I recently heard from a very good old friend who I don't see very often. He's invited me over to see him when I go and see my family after Xmas. I need to think about what I'm going to do quite carefully because he's the only person I like getting drunk with and also, I really don't want to tell him I'm doing CD, he wouldn't understand. I think his plan consists of some sort of dinner and lots of good wine, and knowing him, it'll be some extremely good wine. I'm not really a drinker normally but I do like certain wines very much and he is a genius at picking just the right ones. So I need to have a good ponder about what I'm going to do about this, I may not see him again for another year so I don't want to get out of it. Maybe I'll have to go up to a higher plan for a while to cope with the booze then get right back on with SS afterwards. Any advice or suggestions?

Day 83

2008-12-10T21:49:00.003Z

Today I had to go and see a client I haven't seen for almost a year. She didn't mention my weight but did say I was looking good! She also gave me my first Xmas gift (a kitten calender) and card (also somewhat catty) of the year which cheered me up no end. What cheered me up even more was taking a chance and going out in the grey jeans and finding that after 10 minutes walking they stretched a little bit and aren't too tight at all. They are the only jeans I have that fit me now so when these get too big, I'll have to actually buy some new ones. I think I fancy something in purple this time, for too long I've been wearing boring indigo and black. I may even dye these grey ones in a few days then when they don't fit me any more, I can sell them on Ebay as 'unique, modified, one of a kind, DIY jeans' instead of 'cheap, boring £15 jeans from Tesco'.

I've no idea if I'm back in ketosis yet, I've spent the day trying not to think about it too much, but I've not been hungry at all. Also, I've been feeling really great and full of energy, even though I only got 3 hours sleep last night, so I'd say that was a pretty good sign. On the way to and from work I was stomping about with complete disregard for my knee problems, I must have walked about 2 miles altogether. Even though my knee is throbbing and a little swollen now, I don't care. I really remembered how much I used to love walking today and I'm getting excited about being able to get back on my bike soon, as long as everything goes OK with my upcoming physiotherapy. I've only managed to have 2 sachets today, I've been pretty busy and I've no appetite so I haven't even had my SS+ meal. I'm proud to say it's been a pure sole source day and I'm going to do my very best to keep on SS for the rest of this week. I'll just have to make sure I remember to munch down a bar before I go to bed because I really can't face another sachet right now.

Days 81 + 82 - Meeting with CDC

2008-12-09T22:42:00.001Z

Monday was a bit boring, I didn't even leave the house, just pottered around and played with metres and metres of tangled wool - thanks cats! I did manage to stick to SS+ more or less, but in the evening I cooked some haricot beans in a tomato sauce for the boyfriend and had to taste it to check the spices and seasoning. It was really nice and I tasted it a few more times but managed to resist a whole bowlful by some miracle.

I was thinking last night about the foods I find it hardest to resist and what sort of food I normally cheat with. I've made a little list of the foods I am missing the most these days:

pulses, especially cannellini beans, kala chana and lentils
onions and garlic
fruit, especially raisins and apples
smoked fish
oats, especially in the form of oatcakes, both kinds, crackers and pancake type
sweet potatoes
parsnips
pastry
steak

I don't really miss bread as much as I thought I would and although I miss some starchy things, I don't miss potatoes, rice or pasta particularly. I miss red meat most of all and do have it occasionally and I've cheated by eating a bit of smoked fish a couple of times, although I tend to drink extra water with the smoked fish to try and balance out the extra salt. I'm just glad I can usually resist the fruit, sweet potato and oats, if anything was going to kick me out of ketosis it would be those. I'm also thankful that I'm not a chocoholic, the CD bars and chocolate flavoured sachets are more than enough for me, but I would be pleased if they had a 80% cocoa solids version. I like my chocolate bitter.

Today I had a meeting with my CDC and my official weigh in so here are my newest stats:

Weight: 15st 9lb
BMI: 34.8

I'm so pleased to be in the '15s' I don't really know what to say, apart from I feel very smug. If I keep losing at this rate I should reach my 15st mini goal around the time I hoped to, which is exciting because it marks the halfway point of my CD journey. When I first started this diet I wasn't sure how long I would keep it up, I half expected to run out of steam after a couple of weeks but the fast results and the enthusiasm of my CDC, my friends and my siblings has kept me going. I'm pretty sure I'm going to keep persevering past my original 12st goal and see if I can get to 11st if I'm not getting too skinny and weird looking by then.

I promised myself I would celebrate when I'd reached the 3 stones lost mark and I certainly did! The boyfriend bought me a nice little steak which I griddled and some fresh spinach which I steamed to go with it. I enjoyed it very much but would have enjoyed it more if I could have shared it with him. Damn his unsociable hours!

Days 78 - 80

2008-12-07T23:38:00.001Z

The last few days have been part busy and part weird but I've managed to stick to SS+ with no great difficulty.

I went to see my doctor on Friday morning about my TOTM problems and have loads of blood-tests lined up now. I'll have to find out if it's OK to do things like that on SS or SS+, I'm fairly sure it will seeing as it's just a few vials and not a pint of blood. It'll be great to get some answers finally and hopefully it'll have an impact on my sleep problems too as they seem to be quite closely related.

On Saturday, I braved Oxford Street to pick up a few bits and bobs for family Xmas gifts. I thought as it was pedestrianised for the day it might not be as bad as usual but I was completely and utterly wrong. The horror! Not only was it outrageously crowded with rabid bargain-hunters but there were several bands playing in the street, loads of leafleters and more charity muggers that you can even imagine. It was crowded, noisy and horrible but I still managed to get the things I was after and even tried on a couple of pairs of shoes I liked and all without going mad and murdering a random shopper or two.

The jeans I have been wearing recently are a bit on the baggy/falling off side so I decided to go out in my mini-goal black jeans. They seemed to fit OK at first but after a couple of hours of wear, they started to fall down every couple of minutes and I ended up spending the whole afternoon hitching them up repeatedly. I am going to call it a success but it didn't feel like one at the time. When I got home I tried on some grey jeans I haven't worn for 2 years. They are a rather small size 18 and they are a little tight on me but I think once they stretch after a couple hours wear, they should fit fine and if not, they will probably fit me in a couple of weeks time at the rate I'm shrinking.

After a very patchy night, I spent most Sunday sleeping but I had time to do some work on a project I'm part way through. Even though I've been behaving myself and sticking to the diet, I've been feeling really hungry pretty much all week. I've only got a few Ketostix left so I've been trying to save them but I decided to use one anyway and it turns out either I'm still not in ketosis after my munch out last weekend or they are giving a false reading. I'm going to do my very best not to stress about it and just get on with CD and hope for the best.

Days 76 + 77

2008-12-04T20:26:00.002Z

I've had another odd couple of days because of my bizarre sleep pattern and various other things. On Wednesday I was expecting a parcel to arrive but as I had been awake all night on Tuesday night I had to take a 3 hour nap at lunchtime. I did manage to stay awake until the boyfriend got home from work so he could accept the delivery on my behalf and I woke up again before he had to get to sleep.

Annoyingly, the parcel failed to arrive that day which messed up my plans for the rest of the week. I'd been waiting for a part to repair a computer and I was supposed to be fitting the part that evening so not only did I have to reschedule the delivery but also the appointment to fit the part and rescue the poor computer. According to the tracking on the website, the delivery driver had attempted delivery at lunchtime but found nobody at home, which was a complete and utter filthy lie. I've had the same problem with this courier company on a number of occasions and have made a couple official complaints. I have a feeling that the area I live in is usually served by the same lazy delivery driver who can't be bothered to get out of his van, I regularly order computer parts from 2 different online shops that both use this courier company and this happens with annoying regularity.

I had to go and lay down mid-evening because I was in so much pain and the paracetamol wasn't touching it. The plan was to curl up in bed and watch some DVDs, drink some peppermint tea and have a soup sachet at some point. As I'd only been awake a few hours, I wasn't expecting to fall asleep but a few hours later, I woke up with a half full cup of tea still in my hand and the DVD's menu playing over and over in a hypnotic loop. I stumbled downstairs and got a drink but I couldn't face any soup so I went back to bed and slept for a over 8 hours. Consequently, I missed out 1 CD meal that day and I didn't drink enough either, at least I got some sort of sleep pattern back though.

I did manage to fit in an unofficial weigh-in on Wednesday somehow and was pleased (and quite amazed) to discover I've lost 4lbs in the last week. I don't know how I managed it with my pork-pie weekend, TOTM and the fact I've been doing SS+, but I'm still bang on target for my 15st by Xmas mini-goal so maybe a little food has helped. I also did a waist measurement but it hasn't changed at all, I guess there are plenty of places on my body I can lose flab from. My arms, legs, face and neck are looking quite different and the boyfriend tells me my bum is changing for the better too.

Thursday was a little more 'normal'. I spent the day waiting in for the parcel again and also working on creative fun things to try and keep my mind off the possibility of my delivery not turning up again. By just after 5pm I knew it wasn't going to arrive so I called up the head office to register a complaint. I make a point of always being particularly pleasant to call centre workers as not only do they have a pretty boring job but it can be very stressful too with loads of people phoning them up and shouting and ranting at them about things which are not their fault that they can do nothing about, so I try and be as patient and friendly as possible. I think it makes a nice change for them because they often go out of their way to help me and today was no exception. I spoke to a very polite, helpful young man called Tom who not only sorted out an evening delivery for me (instead of just telling me to call my local depot and reschedule for another day, which is what I would normally have to do), which involved him calling the local depot twice and calling me back twice, but also mentioned to me that his shift officially ended 1 minute into my call. Of course I was very apologetic and asked him if he would get paid any overtime for staying on an extra half hour. He said he wouldn't but he didn't mind helping me out at all, what a lovely chap!

The parcel arrived around 8pm which goes to show that this courier company CAN do what they are supposed to, it must just be a few lazy drivers letting the whole side down. I celebrated with a nice cup of peppermint tea and a lovely chewy chocolate CD bar. Aside from the sleep strangeness and parcel related stress, my dieting has been OK, I missed one sachet on Wednesday but had everything I should have and nothing I shouldn't today. Despite feeling quite run down and a bit ill from my TOTM, I feel pretty good and quite positive about the CD. I even braved my favourite black jeans today and they are even closer to fitting me than they were a week ago even though my waist hasn't shrunk. I must have lost a little around the hips, another few days and I think I'll be wearing them out in public at last!

Day 75

2008-12-02T23:16:00.002Z

My TOTM finally started properly today and I'm in terrible pain and desperate for steak again. I knew it was on it's way because I've had all the classic symptoms, the need to comfort eat, disturbed sleep patterns, pain, bloating and all the other horribleness that goes along with it. I'm a little disappointed the the steak craving has come back again so strongly this month as I've been taking an iron supplement for a week already, I started taking it the very second I felt my PMS symptoms. I'm pretty sure that my nausea yesterday was also to do with it. It went away too quickly to be a bug or a touch of food poisoning but it literally floored me and if I hadn't gone to sleep for another few hours, I have no idea how I would have coped with the day.

Naturally, I didn't get to sleep until about 6 this morning and even then, I only managed to get 3 hours sleep. I woke up at 9am feeling surprisingly bright and alert and decided on some chicken and mushrooms and a huge mug of green tea for breakfast. As soon as it was finished, I fell asleep again for an extra 3 hours which messed up my day somewhat but I obviously needed it. Luckily I woke up in time for my friend to come and visit for the afternoon. Although I saw him just a couple of weeks ago, he said I looked quite different today which is so encouraging, especially as the only jeans which fit me right now (in fact they have been getting a little loose lately) were feeling quite tight around the waist today due to TOTM bloating. He said my weight-loss is quite noticeable around my face and a few other people have mentioned similar things. It's nice to think about only having one chin again.

Apart from feeling sorry for myself and quite sore, the rest of the day went OK diet-wise. I baked a huge batch of flapjacks on Sunday and have given most of them away to family and friends but there are still quite a few saved for the hard-working boyfriend. Even though it's my TOTM, I haven't eaten a single one. Where is my medal?

Days 72 - 74

2008-12-01T23:35:00.004Z

I decided to have an SS+ day on Saturday so I could have a meal with the boyfriend but didn't pay enough attention to the salad I and knocked myself right out of ketosis by eating a load of raw onions.

Of course, I spent Sunday feeling incredibly hungry and a bit miserable. I had to go supermarket shopping and I usually take a litre bottle of water with me, it can really help with any cravings I might get. Unfortunately, I completely forgot to take any so I tried to dash round as quick as I could and just be good but the lure of pork pies was just too much. I fed some of them to the boyfriend but I ate a couple of them too. I figured it wouldn't matter seeing as I wasn't in ketosis anyway. What a fool!

I woke up very late this morning feeling really ill. Every time I moved I thought I would throw up. I went downstairs for some water but ended up sitting on the kitchen floor for a few minutes feeling grim and a bit sorry for myself. Eventually, the boyfriend helped me back up to bed and I fell asleep for a few more hours. I woke up mid-afternoon feeling much better, in fact I was feeling great which was a relief seeing as I had to go to work for a few hours in the evening.

Today I've managed to stick to SS+ quite easily, I wasn't tempted to cheat at all. I had my 3 sachets, one in the form of a delicious chocolate mousse and a small meal of chicken and spinach. I don't feel too bad about yesterday's cheating, I do have quite bad PMS right now and I'm sort of surprised it has gone so well as before CD, I used to do far more foolish things just before TOTM to try and alleviate the discomfort and unpleasant feelings. I guess this is all stuff I need to learn to deal with for a slimmer life.

Day 71

2008-11-28T23:06:00.004Z

This morning while I was laying in bed, trying to make myself get up, I had a nice stretch and happened to notice the tops of my arms and hardly recognised them as my own! They were almost shapely, I could nearly see my biceps as I flexed them and I couldn't see a trace of 'bingo-wing' either which helped me start the day with a smile on my face.

I seem to be shrinking steadily all over my body apart from my belly which is a little bit behind the rest and my bust which doesn't seem to have shrunk at all. I'm still having trouble seeing my feet, I've always struggled with that really, but hopefully I'll drop a couple of cup sizes at some point on my CD journey. Well I do hope so, if not I'll probably fall over.

Day 70

2008-11-27T23:38:00.004Z

I'm feeling very pre-menstrual today indeed, I was desperate for food from the moment I woke so I took the opportunity to have a little light lunch with the boyfriend. I poached some frozen broccoli and pollack in a little low-salt veggie stock and chucked in lots of parsley and some black pepper. It came out very well and we both really enjoyed it but I found myself feeling quite hungry not long after so I thought it was best to go out for the afternoon.

I ended up going to a friend's house to do some work on a creative project and hopefully take my mind off the hunger and it worked very well. I wasn't really hungry, just feeling under the weather I guess, eating can help me in these situations but I do find myself feeling tempted to eat more than I need to sometimes so I have to be careful. Once I was out of the house and distracted I did feel OK and my friend commented on how well I'm looking which always helps too. We had a constructive and pleasant afternoon, we got a good amount of work done and had a great natter too. On the way home, we popped into the supermarket to grab a few essentials and I realised that while I've been on SS+ and SS, the food I miss more than all others is actually fruit, especially a nice, crisp, juicy Braeburn apple. I miss them more than pizza, and for me, that's a pretty major thing.

This evening, I realised I haven't measured myself for a while so I measured my waist and it's down to 43ins now. It doesn't seem to be going down as fast as I'd hoped but I'm not losing weight first from the same places I put it on first. It's all still heading in the right direction though, so I mustn't grumble. I also tried on the trousers I bought a few weeks ago only to find that they are a bit on the loose side now. I wouldn't usually mind but they are high-waisted trousers and look quite odd on now. I'm tempted to try and dig out the receipt and take them back to the shop. I also tried on my mini-goal black jeans and apart from a bit of 'muffin-top', they fit me now. In a week or two they should fit me perfectly and I'm pretty excited about it. I'm off to have a rummage around for old receipts.

Day 69 - Meeting with CDC

2008-11-26T22:51:00.000Z

I had another very positive meeting with my CDC today and a pleasant little surprise at my official weigh-in too. I have been quite anxious about my weight this week so I weighed myself about 2 hours before CDC was due, it was around the 16st 2, 2.5, 3lb mark. When he arrived I stepped on the scales again, here are my official stats for this week:

Weight: 16st 1lb
BMI: 35.6

I'm not sure why I weighed less than I did a couple of hours before, maybe my bust obscures my view of the dial, I don't know, but there's no way I'm complaining about a 7lb loss. It's also strengthened my resolve for the coming week. I'm going to do my very best to stick to SS and see if I can get that stray pound off so I can get to a nice, tidy 15st 7lbs at my next weigh-in. I do like those nice round numbers, maybe it's the geek in me, maybe I have a touch of OCD, who knows. One thing I do know though, is that at the next weigh-in I could well be seeing a total loss of a whole 3 stones since the start of my CD journey and that is something I will have to celebrate!

I had a little chat with my CDC about my worries about visiting my grandma and I think that I might try and explain CD to her. She's a very smart woman so she might surprise me and be very understanding but she's just as likely to go all 'feeder' on me. I think if she does insist I eat, I will just have to eat, as sensibly as I can at the time, but I don't think I will be able to get out of it. At least I know now from my burger experience last week, that it will only take me 2 or 3 days to get back into ketosis, and with the help of a bit of careful eating, I'm sure I can do it without going completely mad.

Day 68

2008-11-25T22:43:00.004Z

First thing this morning I stepped on the scales so I could get a rough idea of what to expect at tomorrow's official weigh-in and the result was not too bad, 16st 1lb. I'll probably weigh a couple of pounds more at my CDC meeting as I get weighed in the early evening but it should still show a reasonable weight-loss for this fortnight, despite my burger madness last week. I probably could have lost a little more if I'd behaved myself a little better but I don't think I've done badly enough to seriously jeopardise my chance of reaching 15st by family visiting time.

I'm already starting to feel a bit anxious about the visit even though it's over a month away. Some of my family; my siblings and my dad, know about my diet but others don't and I don't know how I'm going to wriggle out of eating while I'm there, especially at my granny's house. If I could think up an excuse to avoid the starchy components of whatever she feeds me I'd be OK but she isn't the type of person to take no for an answer when it comes to food. For example, I'm mildly lactose intolerant, I can have a certain amount of milk every day but if I exceed it I am quite unwell, but if I ask for a black coffee or no butter on my toast she'll just scoff at me and do it anyway. I have no idea how I can explain CD to her without freaking her out, I can't even think of a way to work around it. Any suggestions more than welcome!

My kitchen has been out of bounds again today, apart from the odd 5 minutes to get a cup of peppermint tea, but I didn't mind at all, I had no appetite whatsoever and there was magic going on in that kitchen. I even forgot to have breakfast until about 5pm! I'm off to have my last sachet of the day in my beautiful, lime-green, freshly redecorated kitchen.

Day 67

2008-11-24T21:43:00.001Z

Some friends of mine have been decorating my kitchen today, they started on Saturday and they have a little more to do tomorrow. It's very exciting indeed, my kitchen has been semi-decorated for a couple of years. Originally I had asked for some help to do it myself seeing as the boyfriend is too busy either being at work, exhausted or sleeping to help me with the heavy stuff. I just needed an extra set of strong hands, but the friends decided that as I had saved their computer's life a couple of times, they would do the whole thing for me to return the favour. Gawd bless 'em!

Not only is my kitchen looking awesome, the decorating is having the added advantage of keeping me out of the kitchen, so all those little Quorn pieces and fillets of Hake in the freezer are safe. I've kept myself busy preparing for some work next week and I've almost finished a couple of my crochet projects off today too, plus I've had a perfect SS day. What surprises me is the complete lack of hunger today, I still don't understand how I can be so hungry some days and have no hunger at all others. I thought it might be to do with levels of activity but it doesn't seem to bear any relation. I've had days when I've been busy but still fighting off the need for food and other busy days when I've almost forgotten to have all my CD meals, I've also had lazy days when I've had pangs of hunger all day and lazy days when I've had to force myself to have all 3 sachets. I just wish I could settle into some sort of routine like I did on 810kcals and SS+.

Days 65 + 66

2008-11-23T22:17:00.002Z

I did a ketostix test first thing yesterday morning, before I'd even had my coffee and was relieved to find I was back in ketosis. It was still tricky stopping myself from eating though as I'd had food every day for a few days in a row and I'm back in the habit again, but I just decided to be a good girl and gritted my teeth and got on with it. I did allow myself an extra CD meal (in the form of a lovely peanut bar) last thing at night as I was feeling quite hungry but I figure that was better than just eating conventional food and I'm quite proud of myself really.

Sunday was a totally different sort of day, I was feeling so hungry I wanted to cry so I had some chicken breast, a bit too much to tell the truth. I don't know why I'm struggling so much today, I don't understand why one day I'll feel so positive and find it easy to stick to the plan but the next day I struggle and fight to get through the day without eating everything in sight! I'm not sure if I would have a better chance of keeping it together if I went on to SS+ again or if I should just keep on going as I am now. I'm going to have a chat with my nice CDC about it when he comes over on Wednesday and see what he says.

Days 63 + 64

2008-11-21T20:46:00.002Z

I've had a really tough couple of days, I'm still not back in ketosis after my burger and chip foolishness and I've been feeling ravenous and so fed up today. I thought about calling my CDC and suggesting I go onto SS+ again for a while until I can get back into ketosis but I've decided not to bother him as I've been doing SS+ on Wednesday and Thursday anyway and I'm planning to get right back onto SS as soon as I stop feeing so horrible. I don't feel too guilty about it because I've been eating sensibly and well within the SS+ rules and it's got me through this difficult couple of days without completely falling off the wagon.

Earlier today I had a sort through some of my clothes to figure out what I can still wear and what has to go. I've now got 5 pairs of trousers, 2 dresses, 2 skirts and 3 tops that I can't wear any more. Some of these clothes have not been worn much so I plan to sell them on Ebay, a couple of items haven't been worn at all, they may even still have tags on them so hopefully I'll get enough cash for them to go towards some clothes to wear when I get down to my target weight. Because I haven't been that small for many years, I don't have many smaller clothes left but I do have plenty of clothes in all the sizes in-between so I'm not too worried about that. I also have a few ideas for modifying some of my favourite clothes when they get too big. I do love to make my own clothes but modifying existing clothes is just as much fun and can save lots of money too. My taste in clothing has always been, lets just say 'unique', and being a larger lady, there was a really poor choice of odd clothing in my size, even when I modified horrible fat clothes to look more interesting, I didn't really feel like being exuberant at that size so I didn't want to stand out particularly. I'm really looking forward to looking as odd as I feel again, without feeling shy. I've already made myself a few lurid accessories for the winter and I've planned to make a crochet cardigan/jacket for the spring in hot pink and black. I'm going to have lots of crafty fun!

This evening I've been feeling really cold and the hunger is becoming slightly less overwhelming so I'm hoping this is the start of ketosis. I know it's pretty cold this evening, but I shouldn't still be shivering with the heating on, a blanket around me and fingerless gloves on should I?

Days 61 + 62

2008-11-19T19:08:00.003Z

I've had no work so far this week and I've been at a bit of a loose end. I was hoping to use this time to relax and let my painful knees recover a little before my Thursday and Friday appointments but it's not really worked out that way and I've found myself feeling quite bored, despite all my half finished crochet projects. I'm just finding it hard to get motivated which is a shame as I have lots of reading and research to catch up on and lots of arty/crafty stuff to do. I think it's my lack of energy, and I know that is to do with the menstrual problems I'm having (still). I have an appointment with my doctor but it isn't for a couple of weeks so I'll either have to put up with feeling horrible and exhausted all the time or try and blag an emergency appointment which is like trying to get blood from a stone! You have to phone the surgery at 8:30AM sharp and be prepared to see whichever doctor can fit you in, which may involve seeing a locum who I've never met before or seeing the rude old fart doctor who thinks everyone should just 'Snap out of it!'

After Monday's positivity, I really let myself down on Tuesday. I was feeling hungry for carbs, I've never had a craving for them on CD before, I've always had meat or veggie cravings but that day all I wanted was pasta or noodles or chips and it was making me feel really miserable and slightly unhinged. I did a Ketostix test and I was still very much in ketosis as I had expected but the hunger was so strong it was really preoccupying my mind so I decided to go to our local Zavvi with the boyfriend and treat myself to a DVD to cheer me up. We had a nice little stroll around, visited the local second-hand bookshop and then had a look around Zavvi. Boyfriend bought himself a couple of good books and I bought 2 series of 'On The Buses' (only 2 more series to get then I have the complete collection!!) and we strolled home at a leisurely pace. On the way back I manage to talk myself into feeling OK about having a cheeseburger even though I knew that it would knock me out of ketosis, I don't know how I let myself be so stupid. I was even daft enough to steal some of boyfriend's chips! I just can't understand how one day I can be so well behaved and then talk myself into thinking that something so daft is an OK thing to do.

This morning, no surprise, I wasn't in ketosis any more and I've spent the day feeling really hungry and a bit embarrassed. I thought a good way to soften the blow would be to have a Sole Source Plus sized meal so I had a portion of tuna sashimi and some dry fried mushrooms, which worked out at about 90kcals for the lot, and it does seem to have helped me because I got through the rest of the day without going near the cheese in the fridge. I also gave myself an unofficial weigh-in and I've lost 3lbs since last week which is not as good as some weeks but not too bad for a glutton.

I'm off to get an early night now and hope that I can get my act together tomorrow. I have to go out to see a client in the afternoon and might gawk at some hideous granny shoes on the way home, that should keep me away from the food.

Day 60

2008-11-17T20:09:00.004Z

For some odd reason, I slept for a whole 12 hours last night! Looks like the last few weeks of poor sleep have finally caught up with me in a big way. I woke up at Jeremy Kyle o'clock feeling confused and disorientated by the daylight streaming in through my window. I'd been waking up before it got light for so long I had taken to leaving the curtains open when I went to bed lately but I really wish I hadn't this time. Despite my extra long sleep, I was feeling so run down and tired today I had to go out to stop myself from going back to sleep after lunch.

In other news, I'm back on track with the CD after my bad weekend. I had a lovely cappuccino mousse as a breakfast treat, a peanut bar for lunch as I was out and about and a lovely leek and potato soup (with a big spoon of psyllium) for dinner. I spent a rather nice afternoon with a good friend and with her help, and various types of herbal tea I stayed on the straight and narrow all day.

While I was digging through the recesses of my wardrobe for some clothes that wouldn't fall off, I found a pair of size 18, grey jeans I hadn't worn for a couple of years that I had completely forgotten about. I remember wearing them only a few times before I got too large for them and I remember how disappointed I was with myself when they became too tight to wear. I'm going to keep thinking of my size 18 jeans and just keep on with the diet. I'm feeling really positive today, I really feel like I can do this!

Days 57 - 59

2008-11-16T17:40:00.002Z

On Friday, as soon as boyfriend left to go away for the weekend I decided to go out and do something useful so I went out shopping. As anyone who knows me personally or reads this blog regularly will know, I absolutely hate shopping, but I've been after some smart-ish clothes to wear when I go and see new clients because turning up with ill fitting jeans and battered sneakers doesn't exactly inspire feelings of trust. I found a good cheap pair of trousers a few days ago which are a little tight on me at the moment but quite wearable and I already have a few plain, nondescript tops I can wear but my main problem is shoes. I have really wide feet, always have had and also my taste in shoes is a bit over-the-top to put it mildly. My favourite shoes are bright (almost neon) lime green, huge, chunky, Swear-Alt trainer/boots and apart from a pair of 7 year old olive green and orange sneakers, the rest of my footwear collection is pretty outlandish too. What I need to find is something simple, flat and comfy, in an extra wide fit and are suitable for a couple of miles of walking (so no slip-ons and no pointed toes) but don't look like 'granny shoes'. I quite fancy red or dark pink but anything will do really as long as they are affordable on my tight budget and not too hideous. But can I find anything suitable? Can I heck!! I came home with some Chas and Dave records and rather nice sleeveless blouse that will hopefully fit me when I reach my goal weight from a charity shop, and few other bits and bobs, but no shoes. Ah well, at least I can have a proper cockney knees up now if I want to....

Saturday was a day of pointless shopping, feeling rubbish and horrible cheating, I don't know if the cheating caused the feeling rubbish or the other way around but I did eat a fair amount (although no carbs!) and my digestive system went completely crazy in the evening, to the point that I had been a bit scared to go to bed and be on a different floor from the toilet!

The afternoon hadn't been too bad though. I had spent a couple of slightly nostalgic hours at East Street market, just around the corner from where I used to live in Camberwell. It's a great market, really cheap and cheerful with loads of different types of stalls. I actually found one pair of little red ankle boots that I rather liked, they looked foot shaped and comfy. The guy only had 1 pair left, they were about my size and they were only £5 so I tried them on. Unfortunately, they were just a little bit too small for me, they were a bit tight width-wise and I could feel my toe touching the end of the shoe. It didn't feel too bad but I knew it would become very uncomfortable after a bit of walking so I left them and stomped off bemoaning the difficulty of buying half sizes.

Much later that evening, while I was laying in bed, drifting off to sleep, I realised that on both Friday and Saturday, I'd only had 2 CD meals! What a fool! No wonder I'd succumbed to food so easily on Saturday. It was the same sort of food as last time, red meat and dark green vegetables. I'm still having my terrible TOTM problems and had decided it was probably an OK thing to do. I'll just have to be more careful really because I find once I have allowed myself food, it's hard to stop again and after my recent weight-loss progress, I really don't want to mess this up.

This morning (Sunday) I woke up at about 5am after a glorious 8 hour sleep, the first one in weeks, feeling like a different person. It's the first time I had felt like I'd actually had enough sleep in a long time and also my stomach had settled right down, so all in all, I've had a fairly restful day. After going out walking 2 days in a row, my bad knee is so bad that every time I have to walk anywhere, even across the room, I want to cry! For some reason my normally good knee is really hurting too which is like adding insult to injury really. I'm back on track with he CD though and my ketosis is still going strong

Day 57 - AM - Some mini goals

2008-11-14T03:28:00.005Z

I'm up incredibly early again today for no real good reason, although I did get so sleep about 9pm I only managed to sleep for 5 hours which is not ideal. I tried my best to get back to sleep but at, 3am, feeling fully alert, I decided to have some coffee and start my day. Although I'm a bit disappointed by my lack of sleep, I am quite fond of this time of the morning. I love the peace and quiet and I like being on my own , it gives me time to ponder, plan and generally potter about.

While pondering this morning, I've come up with a couple mini goals, some things I'm really looking forward to achieving on the way to my ultimate goal weight:

To fit back into my favourite black jeans by mid December, I think they are a generous size 18 (or possibly a small 20) but I'm not sure as I got them second hand and they have no label.
Get down to 15 stones before I go to see my family just after Christmas.
To be slim enough to climb out through my bedroom window onto the roof of my flats to watch the New Year's Eve fireworks over central London.
To be able to use my nifty little electronic body fat monitor without it giving an error message. I'm not sure how long that'll take because I'm not sure what it's limits are, but it works on my family so it would be very useful if it worked on me too.

I think I have a good chance of achieving all these goals as long as I put in a bit of consistent effort and stay focused.

Day 56

2008-11-13T19:53:00.001Z

Well, I managed to sleep for just over 4 hours last night, that seems like quite a good night compared with the last week but it still isn't great. I have another very busy day lined up, I had to rescue a sickly computer this morning then in the afternoon, a friend came to visit me bringing lovely gifts for my spoilt cats. I was also planning an exciting visit to the local council office with a jar of Pharaoh ants but boyfriend went for me in the end.

Although I do feel little let down that I didn't get past the 2 stone lost mark at my weigh-in yesterday, my CDC just wouldn't let me feel sore about it. He's always so positive about my losses that even when I feel I could have lost a little more, he'll remind me of the bigger picture and how far I've come, it helps me feel good about my progress and it really keeps me focused on my goal. We had a little chat about my plans for the coming months as I'm now around a third of my way to my goal weight, he thinks it would be good for me to have a plan. I've decided to do 810kcals per day for the week over Xmas as I'm only allowed to do a VLCD for 12 weeks anyway, then I have to take a break for a week and then I'm allowed to do another 12 weeks on SS if I wish. Ultimately I'm planning to have reached my goal and eased myself back on to proper food by my birthday (25th April in case anyone fancies sending me prezzies!). Not that long ago I was a quite reluctant to make plans this far ahead, it seemed so far away and I was not sure I would be able to stick to CD for that long, but time seems to be slipping past so quickly that my birthday no longer feels that far away.

Day 55 - Meeting with CDC

2008-11-12T19:04:00.006Z

I managed to stay awake long enough to see my CDC today even though I only had about 3 hours sleep last night and had a pretty productive day at work somehow too. I was actually busy enough to stop me feeling too tired all day but I will be having an embarrassingly early night tonight and I really hope I get some sleep this time.

My CDC meeting went great, well I haven't imploded but I am very happy. Here are my lovely new stats:

Weight: 16st 8lb
BMI: 36.7

I didn't get below 16½st but I have actually lost 2st and that's nothing to grumble about!

I'm too tired to type this evening, I'm going to slope off to bed and save my ranting for another day.

Day 54

2008-11-11T23:42:00.000Z

I had another afternoon nap day today. I did manage to grab 3 hours sleep last night and tried my best to get back to sleep but I failed miserably. I thought if I could get through the day and get a really early night I would be OK but I couldn't do it and by lunchtime my eyes were rolling back in my head and I was as good as useless. Because of my 'broken' day I've had to work hard to make sure I had enough water and sachets. I think I had an extra one some days and other days I may have been one short but how can I know for sure when every day in the last week has been a different length?

Ah well, at least I'm still in ketosis and my weight is still creeping downwards. I'm quite confident that tomorrow my official weight will be below 16½st and if it isn't, it won't be far off. I seem to lose about 7 - 8lbs or thereabouts every 2 weeks which is a decent loss as far as I'm concerned. I do wonder if it would have been any more if I hadn't had the little sneaky protein and iron rich snacks but I'm hoping that seeing as I stayed in ketosis, it hasn't made too much impact. I'm absolutely sure that the tiredness, sleeplessness and iron-rich food cravings are all very closely linked and I'm quite surprised that the iron tables didn't help me, I just hope my doctor can do something because I refuse to go through this on a regular basis.

Day 53

2008-11-10T23:06:00.001Z

Apart from having no sleep at all last night and a 4 hour nap this afternoon, I think today has gone OK. From a dieting point of view it's been fine, no cheeky bits of food, plenty of water and a couple of miles of walking. Now if I could only get my sleep under control that well I would be laughing. I don't have any work tomorrow so it'll give me a chance to get things back on track for Wednesday when I have a full 9 - 5:30 work day and a meeting with my CDC straight after.

I'm quite looking forward to seeing CDC, not just because he'll be bringing me more yummy bars either. I'm fast approaching the 2st lost mark and I'm getting so excited about that I've been jumping on the scales every single day, sometimes more than once. As soon as I woke up today, before I'd drunk all that heavy water, I weighed less than 16½st but now I weigh a couple of lbs more. I think tomorrow I might go for a nice long walk and try and burn off as much flab as I can because if I weigh less than 16½st at my official weigh-in on Wednesday, I'll be so happy I might implode.

Days 50 - 52

2008-11-10T00:52:00.006Z

My plan for Thursday night/Friday morning went a bit wrong, I failed to stay awake much past 7am and then only slept for 4 hours. I was feeling so tired I ended up passing out a few hours later and having a 3 hour nap. I did get a fair amount of crochet done though, I've made a decent amount of progress on a little handbag that has been sitting half made on my coffee table for months and I also did a a few rows on a blanket I started making late spring. I got half way through it in the summer and then got bored, I figured now is a good time to finish it seeing as I'm so flipping cold all the time these days. I didn't quite get round to doing any actual work though. There isn't a fixed deadline on this project, but I need to just get on with it because I find it easy to lose the flow of creative things when I don't just get on with it.

By about 1am Friday night/Saturday morning, I was feeling exhausted so I went off to get a bit of sleep. It was an almost normal time to go to sleep and I was feeling quite pleased, but when 7am came around and I still hadn't had a wink of sleep I started to get a bit annoyed. Eventually, boyfriend got bored of watching me pacing up and down and went out for a walk and I finally managed to get to sleep at around 8:30am. I planned just to nap for a couple of hours so both my alarms were set for 10:30 and I managed to sleep through them both again and eventually woke up after lunchtime to find the boyfriend had fallen asleep on the sofa. I spent most of that afternoon trying to think of something fun and distracting I could do without causing further damage to me knee but eventually I just left the house with no plan as the smell of boyfriend's roast dinner was sending me insane. I really should have thought it through a bit better because I was out for ages and ended up eating some prawns. What a fool! I guess it could have been worse, I managed to bypass all the sandwiches and just had the prawns and some extra water to try and balance out the saltiness.

While I was out, I also managed to find a rather nice pair of cheap and cheerful, smart-ish trousers that were just slightly too small for me to replace the ones I usually wear which are now at that almost falling right off stage. I don't want to buy too many clothes in my in-between sizes but I can't really get away with wearing jeans all the time, especially when I go and see new clients. I need to at least have a veneer of respectability, even if the bright green hair is a dead give-away! I do have a few smart skirts to wear but they aren't very good when I'm on my knees with my bum in the air, crawling under desks and fiddling with computers.

On Sunday morning I managed to get 3 hours sleep and woke up at 8:30am with an uncontrollable craving for rare steak. Red meat is one of the most common menstrual cravings I have, along with spinach, kale and other dark greens. For me it's more common than craving chocolate and seeing as my TOTM has been going on for a couple of weeks now I though it would be a good idea to try and fulfil this particular craving so I had an iron tablet. Unfortunately it didn't make me feel any better at all and I ended up having a small piece of griddled rare steak a few hours later which really hit the spot. I'm going to have to go and see my doctor very soon about this, I think I might be getting as bit anaemic around my TOTM, they seem to be going on for ages and unnaturally heavy too. I'm sure it's not caused by CD because it's been a problem on and off for many years but the last 3 months has been worse than ever before, I've been feeling really tired but not getting enough solid sleep and the food cravings I'm getting are totally uncontrollable.

I had to take a nap in the afternoon again and I slept for about 5 hours I think. I woke up late in the evening and had to work hard to remember where I was with my sachet and water consumption. This last few days have been so confusing, I think I've had more than enough to drink but I get the feeling I'm a few sachets behind but I can't be sure. I've just had a broccoli and cheese soup sachet and sneakily added a nugget of frozen spinach to it to try and calm my iron craving. I checked the packaging carefully and each of those little nuggets of chopped spinach contain about 5kcals and o.14g of carbs so I think I can safely get away with this without it really counting as a cheat.

Despite all my cheating and messing about this weekend, I've still been in ketosis the whole time and I've lost 2 or 3 lbs since my unofficial weigh-in on Wednesday. Imagine how much weight I could lose if I actually stuck to the plan properly!

Day 49

2008-11-06T23:29:00.002Z

My sleep pattern is all messed up now, I managed to get to sleep at 7am and woke up about 1pm today, same kind of hours as the day before. I only had one job today and it was at 5pm so that wasn't a problem but if I can't get my sleep the right way around it's going to make things very complicated soon. So the plan for tonight is to drink plenty of coffee and stay up all night and try not to sleep until late afternoon or early evening tomorrow. I've got a nice fun creative work project that I can get on with or I can get on with one of my unfinished crochet projects so I definitely won't be bored. I'm not quite sure how I'll space my sachets out though, I guess as evenly as possible would be best but seeing as I don't know how long my day will be, I'll just have to do my best to be sensible. I know the next day will have to be very long too, if I'm going to sleep early evening, I'll probably wake up in the early hours of the morning. I think if I try and have 5 sachets altogether before I go to sleep tomorrow then 4 the next day that'll probably be about right.

In my pre-CD-life, in these situations, I would just eat when I wanted to which frequently ended up being a bit of binge. The problem is that when I'm tired I may not always be able to sleep but I know I'm tired and my body knows it needs energy so I tended to feel really hungry. I'd crave lots of meat and veggies and proper food as well as sugary things and usually I would just eat whatever I wanted. This is the first time since CD I've tried to 'loop-the-loop' my sleep in this way and I'm a bit worried about it to say the least. Luckily, the only sweet things in the house are my CD shake sachets, so that should help.

I've been sleep juggling on and off like this for many years now, since I was about 12 years old. School was a horrific experience because of it and full time work was really difficult too. I did manage to work regular full time hours for a few years although I favoured unskilled work because my brain turns to custard when I haven't had enough/any sleep and I tended to do agency work so I could chop and change my hours around when things got tricky sleep-wise. These days, because I am self employed and work from home, I can choose which projects and clients to take on, decide my own hours and generally work around the sleep problems when they arise AND I get to use my brain for things that interest me!

Day 48

2008-11-05T23:43:00.000Z

Last night was hard work, especially after the positive couple of days I've just had. I went to bed just before 11:30 feeling extremely tired but at 3am I was still awake so I had a vanilla mousse. At 5am I was still awake and feeling miserable and I crumbled and ate a piece of corned beef. I know it's not a lot of food but I really feel like I let myself down after vowing to be good this week. I eventually got to sleep around 7 this morning, slept through 2 alarm clocks and woke up at lunchtime. Good job I had no work today! I'm going to blame TOTM for all this hungriness and sleep upheaval. I had a look back at my blog entries from this time last month and there is a little cluster of insomnia. At the end and beginning of each month I seem to have sleep troubles but in the middle of each month it's quite manageable. It's been going on for years and I never noticed how closely it tied in with my menstrual cycle until I saw it written in my blog!

Being my non CDC week, I gave myself an unofficial weigh-in today and the results pleased me. I've lost 5lbs in a week which takes me comfortably below the 17st mark and makes my BMI about 37. I'm so relieved that my weekend eat didn't effect this week's weight-loss. I didn't eat a massive amount but it was enough to get me out of ketosis temporarily. I decided not to bother measuring my waist, I already knew it was smaller because my very favourite trousers actually fall off me these days so I'm wearing jeans that I hadn't been able to get into for over a year.

I have been deftly avoiding having my photo taken for a couple of years now but having seen some of the 'before and after' diet photos around the CD forum I though it would be good to get some of myself as a record of my progress so a few weeks ago I got a photo taken. Next week after my CDC meeting, I'm going get another taken for comparison and I'm planning to do the same every 4 weeks. In a few months I might post them up on this blog if I feel brave enough.

Day 47

2008-11-04T23:17:00.000Z

I saw a friend today who has been reading this blog (Hello Coral!) but hadn't seen me since well before I started CD and she said she could really see the difference. I was slightly surprised because although I feel a little different and my clothes are feeling more comfortable, I don't see any real difference yet when I look in the mirror. Perhaps that's just because I see myself every day and she hasn't seen me for about 2 months or maybe my brain is having trouble catching up with my body. Anyway, it was a great little boost for my self esteem and I'm going to allow myself a touch of smugness.

I've been working from home again for most of today. It was fun creative stuff rather than the usual technical stuff and even though I was pretty busy, no amount of fiddling with artwork is enough to burn up all the extra energy I seem to have these days. By the evening I was desperate to go out so I went to the supermarket to buy real actual food for the boyfriend. My local big supermarket is just over a mile away so I stomped there to the dulcet tones of V/VM on my mp3 player then stormed around and grabbed everything I needed to the merry melodies of Venetian Snares (and no, I didn't get stuck staring at pizza and pies again) I didn't have much to carry, seeing as only boyfriend is eating and I only needed some peppermint teabags for myself, so I decided to walk home. I got to the crossing outside the shop and pivoted slightly to press the button to cross and as I turned my knee gave out! I had to hobble to the bus stop and get a bus home instead. Fortunately, by time I got home the throbbing was subsiding a little and the 4 floors of stairs weren't too bad but I was feeling rather cold and despondent. I'm just glad I'd only had 2 sachets during the day so I could cheer myself up with potato and leek soup and it really worked.

Even though I'm sitting here with a really sore knee, I feel really happy with how the day has gone. I haven't been feeling hungry and each time I go out food shopping or cook, it's slightly less stressful than the time before.

Day 46

2008-11-03T23:09:00.001Z

I'm not feeling so ill today thank goodness! I was so worried that being on CD had either caused my illness or would slow down my recovery but I feel much better now, not 100% yet, but pretty good. I was also quite concerned that I would find it hard to stop having food again after yesterday's dinner but it hasn't been too bad at all. I've had a few cravings for food but nothing I can't deal with and getting back on the straight and narrow has been mercifully straightforward. I did a Ketostix test this morning and I'm already back in Ketosis which was a bit of a shock to me, I thought it might take a day or 2 but I'm so relieved it didn't.

For my final meal of the day, I treated myself to the last bar I had left with a huge mug of white tea with a cinnamon stick in it. I've been quite impressed with the bars, not only are they rather tasty but they are also really easy to split up into two smaller meals or even tiny snack sized pieces, very handy. I've not decided on a favourite variety yet so I think I'll try the other flavours next time I see my CDC.

Days 44 + 45

2008-11-02T23:53:00.003Z

I've been feeling quite ill for a couple of days, I've had some stomach nastiness. I don't know if it's anything to do with CD, it's more likely to be a simple stomach bug but it's really thrown things out of whack and I've not slept properly for 2 nights. It's just typical I would get all sickly right after my last positive, enthusiastic blog. I did go out for a while on Saturday to try and distract myself but it was cold, rainy and miserable and I almost wish I hadn't bothered.

After a miserable Friday night and a horrible Saturday I had a cheat on Sunday and came out of ketosis. Now I feel ill and hungry, how annoying. I'm not going to chastise myself about it too much. I know I've been a fool but I've promised myself a well behaved week and I know I can do it. Also, I've decided to stop taking the psyllium for a day or two to see if it makes any difference and I'm going to buy some peppermint tea tomorrow, hopefully that'll soothe my aching belly a little.

Day 43 - Breakthrough

2008-10-31T20:25:00.000Z

Several times over the last week I've mentioned how much more energetic I feel compared to my pre-CD self and today was no exception. I didn't have to go out to work today, I was supposed to be doing a bit of research for someone but I couldn't sit still long enough to get anything done at all! I bounced around the flat randomly starting various household tasks and then getting distracted and wandering off. I started loads of things but finished nothing because I really just wanted to go out but had nowhere to go. I know a lot of ladies would go out window shopping or something but I hate real shopping more than enough and non-buying shopping is a total waste of time as far as I'm concerned.

Despite my boredom today, I wasn't tempted to eat once! I went out to the supermarket very briefly to grab a few essentials and bought some of boyfriend's favourite foods without feeling hard-done-by even for a second, I didn't even take a detour round the supermarket to look at all my favourite things that I couldn't have. I really feel like I've reached a level of comfort with this diet, it just feels normal. I remember reaching a similar mindset when I gave up smoking, it was the feeling of not having to try hard not to smoke any-more, one day I just felt like I was a non-smoker and that's not dissimilar to the way I feel about CD now. I have had the occasional panicked moment since I started CD, when I think of how much weight I have to lose but as I'm about ¼ of the way there now, I can actually see my goal in my mind's eye, and it's getting closer!

I'm a bit embarrassed about how worried and miserable I felt yesterday. I blame my hormones.

Day 42

2008-10-30T22:09:00.002Z

I'd read on the www.cambridgedieters.com forum that some CDers are very sensitive to carbs and can't have the bars because it kicks them out of ketosis. I assumed that I wouldn't have this problem seeing as I went into ketosis when I was on 810kcals per day and I stayed in ketosis even after my frankfurter and toast error. I happily chomped my way through my bar yesterday without a care in the world but I woke up this morning feeling so hungry I had to have a soup sachet immediately and even that didn't help me. I went out for a few hours but I was so hungry I had to come home quickly, before I gave in and bought myself something to eat. As soon as I got home I had a mousse then did a Ketostix test and it showed that I was still in ketosis but I was still so hungry. I just did my best to keep busy and drink plenty and even though I didn't eat anything today, I still feel like I've let myself down. I know I can't control how I feel really but I feel a bit of a failure somehow.

I know that I really shouldn't let myself get stressed out about these things. When I started this diet, I really didn't think I would still be doing it 42 days later, I didn't think I would manage to lose 1½ stones in the first 6 weeks and I certainly didn't think I would ever get through a whole day without any food, let alone almost a week. The last couple of days I've been finding that I can see a difference when I look in the mirror and my clothes are getting nice and roomy too. I just need to learn to focus on my achievements when I'm finding it hard. I think I might have a bit of a surf around some on-line shops and gaze at some cute things I can wear when I reach my goal weight, that might cheer me up and stop me moping.

Day 41 - Meeting with CDC

2008-10-29T20:57:00.003Z

I had another very positive meeting with my CDC today and not just because he brought me sweeties to eat either! I got an opportunity to explain my sleep situation to him properly and we came to the conclusion that in the sort of situation that I found myself in on Saturday night, the best thing to do would be to have an extra sachet instead of straying into food territories. That way things stay more controlled but I still get the extra I need for such an unnaturally long day. Although I am quite disciplined about this diet, if I chose to have an SS+ type meal in these circumstances, I might find it more difficult to go back to SS afterwards so I'll stick to the sachets and bars to be on the safe side.

I also had my official weigh in. Here are my new stats:

Weight: 17st 1lb
BMI: 38

I've lost a half stone in 2 weeks even though it's my TOTM. With any luck, I'll have have a better loss by the next weigh in as not only will I have only been on SS, but also I will have lost that little bit of extra hormonal water retention that I have now. In the back of my mind I had set myself a little mini goal of getting down to 15st by Christmas but had assumed I had no chance, I now think I have a very real chance of not only achieving this goal but I might even lose more. It's a shame I'm not planning on going anywhere nice over the festive season to show off.

As soon as CDC left, I tried one of the bars. I had recently read a very interesting thread on the www.cambridgedieters.com forum about problems some dieters had with these bars. One lady found that the first time she tried one, she lost the plot and ate about 5 in one sitting! Many people find they get terrible, painful gas problems and/or a feeling of uncomfortable over fullness but some of these people find if they cut the bar into pieces and eat it over a couple of hours, they don't have any trouble with it. I decided that as it was my first bar it was better to be safe than sorry so I chopped a Malt Toffee bar into 8 chunks and ate it slowly. The flavour wasn't too bad at all, not as sweet as I expected, and the texture was quite nice and 'fudge-ish', but it had a metallic after-taste similar to the shakes, easily remedied by a mug of white tea with a stick of cinnamon in it. I slowly chomped my way through 6 of the pieces but was feeling very full so I took a break of almost an hour before I had the last 2 chunks. I don't think I could eat one every single day but it did make a welcome change. I'm quite looking forward to trying the other flavours.

I'd just like to say a quick thanks to everyone reading this blog (including my CDC), I've received some really nice encouraging messages and I appreciate every single one. Also, I'd like to bring your attention to the Useful Links section on the right, I've added a new link to a blog by a Lighterlife dieter. It's a very similar diet to Cambridge and works on all the same principles. This particular blog is incredibly well written and is one of the blogs that helped me make the decision to start CD.

Day 40

2008-10-28T22:41:00.002Z

I realised something today that made me feel very happy indeed. When I was first starting this diet, I decided that as a minimum weight-loss goal I would aim for around 12st. Although to some people this might seem quite heavy, I am a big build and I was quite muscular and fit in those days from having a physical job, more to the point, I was happy, healthy and comfortable in my own body, so that's what I'm aiming for. If I get there and I'm sill not satisfied, I can always just try and shed a few more lbs seeing as I know I can do it now, and just stop when I feel right. Anyway, being the day before my official weigh in, I decided to weight myself and see how I was doing, I'm 16st 13lbs, I'm actually below 17st! While I was being all smug about it it dawned on me that I'm already a quarter of my way to my goal weight! I know it wasn't an accurate weigh because I did it first thing in the morning, but I'VE ALREADY LOST A QUARTER OF THE WEIGHT I NEED TO LOSE!!!!! Even though the rate of my weight-loss will probably slow down gradually, I should be at my goal by my birthday, end of April and I'm starting to look forward to my first slim summer in years.

I don't really feel or look any smaller yet, but I must be because some of my clothes are a little more comfortable and none of my underwear fits me any more so yesterday I went out to Marks and Spencer to buy some cheapish new undies. I decided it would be a good idea to get measured properly for a bra but the nice measuring lady told me I actually needed a bigger size than I was wearing already! I totally ignored her recommendation and bought one 2 chest sizes smaller than the one I was wearing and stuck with the same cup size and it fitted me perfectly so I don't know what was wrong with her tape measure! I was going to buy some pants too but they seem to have stopped doing the cut I prefer, I used to buy the boy-cut shorts but they only have low rise shorts these days. Hopefully I'll have more choice when I'm a size or two smaller, I'm not a fan of the giant granny pant but I'm not ready for skimpy little frillies either.

In other CD news, I'm on my third day without proper food and I feel remarkably good. I'm feeling so full of energy, I'm actually having to hold myself back because my poor old knee is giving me some trouble, partly due to overdoing things recently and partly the terrible cold, damp weather. Hopefully I'll hear from the physiotherapy people soon, I think it my doctor referred me about a month ago but I live in a very overpopulated part of London and appointments and things always seem to take ages. A soon as I get the knee thing sorted out a little I can get a bit more active and with any luck it'll help speed up my weight-loss (or at least my inch-loss).

Day 39

2008-10-27T21:49:00.002Z

My cunning plan of saving my last sachet for just before bedtime worked fine last night so I'm doing the same again today. I had my first sachet late morning and didn't have another until 10pm, I just swigged water all day and I didn't feel hungry at all, although I did gaze lovingly at every manky, fast-food chicken joint I went past on the bus. I blame my hormones.

I had a brief little chat with my CDC today and mentioned the insomniac hunger problem to him and he suggested I try out the bars this time as they are easy to split up and some people find them more satisfying. I know I've only been on SS for a couple of days but I'm already looking forward to having something CD-legal to chew on, the mix-a-mousse is good too but the more variety I can get in this diet, the more likely I am to be able to stick to it. I was thinking of asking to try the new porridge sachets but according to some posters on the www.cambridgedieters.com forum, it's incredibly sweet so I don't think I would like it, I might still try it out some day though.

Day 38

2008-10-26T23:44:00.002Z

Well, after yesterday's blog, things went a bit wrong again. I managed to get to bedtime without eating or feeling hungry, I had all my sachets and plenty of liquids and was feeling so pleased with myself. I went to bed around midnight feeling tired and happy but at 2am I was still awake and starting to feel very hungry indeed. I drunk some more water but it didn't help at all, I had a cup of bouillon but it didn't make any difference and by 3:30 I was starting to feel a bit sick so I decided I had to do something about it. I mulled it over for a few minutes, I wasn't sure if I should have a small SS+ type meal or if I should have an extra sachet so I wondered down to the kitchen to ponder and my cats all mobbed me and pretty much made a decision for me. I split a can of tuna with them and had a few slices of cucumber with it and although it wasn't much, it really hit the spot. I managed to get to sleep at about 5am and got a good 6 hours of sleep, although I was a bit confused when I woke up, due to forgetting about the clocks changing.

I'm not going to beat myself up about my mini meal last night. It was a carefully thought out cheat and because I have this kind of sleep problem quite often, I'm going to have a chat about it with my CDC when I see him on Wednesday and hopefully he can help me come up with a plan of what to do on 'insomnia' nights. I know that in my pre-CD life, sleepless nights were times when I often over ate, partly because I get really hungry when it's been 8 hours since dinner but also for comfort. Ask any insomniac, it's a lonely and frustrating problem!

Things have been going a lot better today. Because I woke up late, I didn't have my first sachet of the day until early afternoon. I treated myself to a toffee and walnut, blended up with loads of ice into an ice-cream type texture. It was pretty darn delicious but I noticed there was the same grim after-taste as I had noticed with the mousses. I know it's not just with this flavour, I've had it with the chocolate and the vanilla too, but I discovered today that the flavour of white tea disguises it quite well, which is a relief as although I have more soups than shakes in general, I think limiting myself to soup only would only lead to chocolate disaster!

It's nearly midnight now and I've just had my final sachet of the day; a nice warm potato and leek soup, good fake comfort food. I'm tired and feeling quite full so hopefully, there shouldn't be a repeat of last night. I'd better nip off to bed quickly while I'm still tired.....

Days 36 + 37 - First day on Sole Source

2008-10-25T20:02:00.001+01:00

Yesterday was actually my first day on Sole Source but I messed it up horribly so it doesn't really count. I started the day feeling really positive and raring to go, I had to go out to work late morning so I had a soup sachet and a pint of water before I went out as I wasn't sure what kind of time I would be home again. I sensibly popped a soup sachet into my bag and took a litre bottle of water with me which I drunk half of while I was out. When I got back home, 4 hours later, I put the water bottle into the fridge and noticed that there were some frankfurters in there. I knew the pack had been open for a couple of days already and started thinking about whether they would still be edible when boyfriend got back after the weekend. Unfortunately, I let my mind dwell on the food way too long and in the end I talked myself into eating them with some buttered toast and mustard. I felt such a fool, I had been doing so well with SS+ and now I had potentially knocked myself out of ketosis on my first day on SS. I spent the whole afternoon and evening kicking myself for my stupidity and feeling really hungry too.

This morning, after a soup breakfast and plenty of water, I decided to do a Ketostix test to see what kind of damage I had done with yesterday's toast idiocy. I've been told it's not a good idea to do these tests first thing in the morning because I am likely to be dehydrated, so I waited until early afternoon. The indicator went a good bright pink immediately which means I'm definitely in ketosis! The result really helped me feel better about myself after yesterday's stupidity and helped reinforce my resolve to be a good dieter from now on. I just have to take this a day at a time, every day I stick to SS is a few more ounces of fat burned. As long as I look at every day I stick to it as a success and a step in the right direction instead of allowing myself to focus on feelings of deprivation, I know I can do this. And if sometimes I am desperate to feel hard done by, I can just remind myself that it is actually my fault I have this much weight to lose and I deserve a bit of deprivation for being such a greedy fool. There, I've got it covered from both angles, I'll be fine!

My afternoon ended up being a blur of housework, computer maintenance and a much needed catch-up session on my accounts and I completely forgot about lunch so I had a toffee and walnut mousse about 7pm. I'm very fond of the mix-a-mousse but I find it has a revolting after-taste, no matter how much or what I drink after eating it. This after-taste starts off as a sort of ashy flavour and develops into a slightly metallic or bloody taste. I'm quite sure the mix-a-mousse didn't have this weird after-taste the first couple of times I had it and if my brain is not deceiving me, the taste is getting slightly stronger each time, it's quite unpleasant and a little off-putting but I still plan to get more next time I see my CDC.

So it's after 8pm now and I've still got one more sachet to get through today and because I only had my last one about an hour ago, I can treat myself to a lovely hot chocolate closer to bed-time, or perhaps a hot vanilla with a little cinnamon and nutmeg. mmmmmmm.....

Day 35

2008-10-23T23:26:00.003+01:00

It's my last day on SS+ and I've quite enjoyed it really, but as with the other steps, I've been finding it quite difficult to fit in all the food and sachets I'm supposed to have, I'd guess that's one of the joys of ketosis. Today and yesterday were both good examples of this.

I didn't feel hungry at all in the morning so after a mug of delicious, fresh brewed, black, Columbian coffee, some iced water and a cup of white tea, I ended up having my breakfast sachet nearer to lunchtime. I cooked some dinner as soon as I'd finished work and ate a rather delicious meal of Quorn fillets which I had poached in a little low-salt stock with sage and parsley, also I placed some sprout tops on top of the fillets so they cooked in the steam from the stock. It was delicious and I drank all the herby stock too! I had a chocolate mousse for dessert and a bit later on I remembered I still had to have one more sachet so I forced down a chicken and mushroom soup and felt overfull and a bit sick..... I really hope that I don't feel overfull on SS, if I do, I'm going to have to start splitting sachets into 2 helpings

I've been feeling quite conflicted today all in all. I'm looking forward to SS but I have a feeling of trepidation because living on no food at all just isn't natural!

As this is my non CDC week, I had an unofficial weigh in today and I've lost about 4lbs in the last week. I'm quite pleased with that but I hope I lose more on SS.

Day 34

2008-10-22T21:30:00.004+01:00

The liquid problems of the last couple of days are a distant memory now, I was incredibly thirsty all day today so I drank plenty and spent a considerable length of time in the loo accordingly.

I wasn't very hungry in the morning so I didn't have my first sachet of the day until lunchtime but after that, I was suddenly ravenous so I ate the piece of poached chicken I'd saved for today's dinner. Unfortunately, it didn't help much but I had to go out so that helped to distract me a little.

While I was out I treated myself to one of those little, battery-powered milk-frothers thinking it would help me make mousses a bit more moussey. After my mini salad (with no chicken!) I decided to make myself a toffee and walnut mix-a-mousse but it didn't go too well. First, I forgot to put mix mousse powder with the sachet before I put it into the water so it went lumpy immediately, then I found that my lovely, new, little, battery-powered milk-frother wouldn't work in something that thick anyway. I had to swiftly break out the big mixer and I managed to convert it from something resembling cottage cheese into something quite edible with just a few little lumps in.

Because I missed breakfast, I still had one sachet left so I'm sitting here right now with a lovely mug of hot chocolate shake with a sprinkle of cinnamon in it. These sweet shakes really make me thirsty usually and even more so when I have them hot so I'm probably going to have more water between now and bedtime and just hope it doesn't mess up my sleep. I'm working from home tomorrow but I'm working all day, 09:00 until 17:30 (which is quite unusual for me) so I can't afford to have sleep problems tonight.

Days 32 and 33

2008-10-21T20:25:00.000+01:00

I've had a tedious couple of days CD-wise.

My food and sachet consumption has been OK but I've been struggling to drink enough for some reason. It's quite a surprise to me as I've always been a big fan of water and I have plenty of my favourites around here; green, white, lapsang and peppermint tea. Yesterday I just about got through the recommended 2.25 litres plus a little extra to compensate for the mousse, I think I had about 5 pints altogether but it felt like 5 bucketfuls! Today has been even worse, I've had 3 pints and I still have at least one more to get through but I already feel like I've drunk a few gallons. I feel bloated and horrible.

I'm sort of hoping it's PMS related. My menstrual cycle is and always has been horribly irregular but it could well be that time as my chocolate and cheese cravings are unreasonably strong. A couple of days ago I had a chocolate shake sachet made up as a mousse and I enjoyed it way more than I've ever enjoyed a chocolate sachet before. However, I am not usually a big fan of them so I only bought a few, I tend to prefer the toffee and walnut flavour so I have loads of them but just 2 chocolate. I'll just have to be careful and use them wisely and hopefully I'll avoid the traditional TOTM chocolate frenzy.

Day 31

2008-10-19T21:12:00.001+01:00

After yesterday's smugness, I was bound to mess up today really. At least I only did it to the tune of a couple of spoonfuls of duck and orange pate. I managed to ignore all the bread and oat crackers in the house that would have gone so perfectly with it, so I don't feel too bad. I'll just forget about it and get on with my diet. I did a Ketostix test a few minutes ago and I'm still in ketosis and I'm relieved!

Day 30

2008-10-18T19:56:00.003+01:00

I know I don't usually blog on a Saturday, but I just wanted to have a quick gloat about how well my CD day has gone. Most of the day went boringly well. I had a couple of soups with a little added psyllium husk, some green tea, black coffee and about a litre and a half of water - textbook stuff.

For dinner I cooked some turkey breast pieces with celeriac, mushrooms and some broccoli. I browned off the turkey with some 1kcal oil spray then poached it in a little water with diced celeriac and some sage and rosemary. When that was almost cooked, I put in the sliced mushrooms and the broccoli cut into small pieces, stirred it all together and then pulled out the meat and kept it on a warmed plate. When the rest of the veg was cooked, in just a couple of minutes, I removed it from the cooking liquid then reduced the liquid down to just a few spoonfuls. I dished up the meat and vegetables, a small portion for me and the rest for the boyfriend, then I poured the reduced cooking liquid over my helping. It was one of the nicest dinners I've had for ages!

And as if that joy wasn't enough, I cooked some oven chips for the boyfriend but misjudged the quantity and made enough for both of us. After we had eaten our meal, I was looking at the still warm leftover chips. I picked one up and thought 'I could just eat a couple of these, what harm could it do?' just as boyfriend came in and saw me standing there, chip in hand.

"I really want to eat these," I said " I think I will."
"I'm sure it'll be alright" he replied "there are only a few, it'll be fine."

I was just about to put it in my mouth then I remember those starving days last weekend when I was close to tears and ready to eat my own pets. I turned around, put the chip back on the plate, put the plate out of sight and left the kitchen feeling so damned pleased with myself.

A little later, I managed to make a perfect toffee and walnut flavour mix-a-mousse too. I think maybe the water wasn't cold enough the first time I tried it or something. It came out a perfect, quivering, gelatinous dessert of joy this time and it was delicious too! I guess that's my reward for not going chip crazy. I've found I need to have some water handy when I have mix-a-mousse though, it seems to dry my mouth out more than the shakes usually do. It's not a problem though, in fact it's quite useful really.

Day 29 - First day on SS+

2008-10-17T20:29:00.000+01:00

A few days ago I bought a whole kilo of psyllium husk for a bargain price from a very reliable trader on Ebay and it arrived yesterday. I don't usually suffer from constipation and I don't intend to start so I thought it was better to start taking precautions as soon as I can, rather than deal with it if when it's too late. I tried it out in one of my soup sachets yesterday and it wasn't unpleasant at all, in fact you could hardly tell it was there so I decided to have a little bit in every sachet from now on. This morning I made myself a broccoli and cheese soup sachet but made the stupid mistake of adding the psyllium before I blended the soup. Consequently, I ended up with a huge bowl of inedible, puke coloured slime! I tried to eat it but the texture was so nasty I just couldn't swallow it without it coming straight back up again, it's the first CD sachet I've had to throw away. So my tip of the day is: mix your soup/shake, THEN add psyllium and stir/whisk it in until it is just combined. DON'T BLEND PSYLLIUM HUSK!!!!!

I decided to treat myself to some better scales today. The scales I already have seem to be increasingly unreliable. When I was weighing myself on Wednesday, you could see the needle on the scales moving as I shifted my weight and even when I sighed! Also, my sister and one of my friends told me that they show a completely different weight from their own scales at home, so seeing as I had to go to Argos anyway, I bought some big, solidly made, mechanical, doctor's type scales. As soon as I got home I excitedly unpacked them, carefully calibrated them, stepped on and I sort of wish I hadn't. I weight about 6lbs more than I thought I did! I really don't know what to do about it, should I start using them or stick to the rubbish ones I've been using so far? I think I might sulk about it for a while before I make up my mind.

Apart from the morning's slimy mishap and my horrible scales shock, the rest of the day went fine. No hunger, plenty of water and my tiny little 200kcals meal was shockingly filling, in fact, I struggled to finish it. I'm going to see how I feel over the weekend and if I'm still struggling with SS+, I might go right onto SS and see how that goes.

Day 28

2008-10-16T20:31:00.007+01:00

I had a nice little meal with one of my sisters last night and got a proper opportunity to explain to her what this diet is about. I also told her that I had lost almost a whole stone in the 4 weeks I've been on it and I think she actually understands now, which is a relief as she had pretty sceptical about it when I first told her I was planning to do it. Whenever I mentioned the diet to her in conversation, she would suddenly go into her 'sympathetic' voice, I really think she thought I was just going to starve myself!

Also, she clocked the little dress I bought on Ebay a couple of weeks ago hanging from some shelves in my living-room. That dress only cost a few quid and it is second hand, but it's the sort of thing I miss being able to wear, so I have it hanging there as my 'carrot'.

The dress is a size 16, the size I hope to be at the end of CD. The colours are lot nicer in real life, it's quite vibrant and autumnal with the occasional purplish stripe. It's that kind of shape that doesn't suit blobby people like me, I really look forward to being more woman shaped again.

Today went so smoothly it hardly deserves a blog. I had all my sachets, plenety of water and the meal like a good dieter, even though I wasn't hungry. Hopefully the lack of hunger means I won't struggle when I start SS+ tomorrow. I do love a nice bit of ketosis!

Day 27 - Meeting with CDC

2008-10-15T22:37:00.004+01:00

I wasn't hungry again today, getting through my sachets did feel like a bit of a chore but I managed 1 at around mid morning and another early afternoon, saving the last one until after my CDC had been to see me so I could try out the Mix-a-mousse and I'm so glad I did! I had a cappuccino shake mix-a-mousse, although it was more a blancmange type texture rather than mousse (I may need more practice making them) it was really nice and a welcome change.

Apart from the new-found joys of mousse, the meeting with my CDC went very well. Here are my stats for this session:

Weight: 17st 8lb
BMI: 39.5

This means I've lost almost a whole stone in 4 weeks and my BMI is below 40, I'm so pleased! CDC told me that I've done really well, especially for someone who isn't even on SS yet which pleased me even more. I also told him I wasn't hungry any more and what an utter relief that was to me after the tricky times I've had over the last couple of weeks. He confirmed to me that it means I'm in ketosis which I did know really but it's great to hear from someone who knows.

As I'm doing pretty well so far on 810kcals, I've decided to go down to Sole Source Plus for a week, which is very similar to what I'm having now but with a smaller meal. Hopefully it shouldn't be to difficult for me to adjust and it might speed up my weight-loss very slightly, which would be very nice too. Then the following week, I plan to start proper Sole Source and with any luck, it won't be too traumatic as I've eased myself into it slowly. Lots of the people find themselves unable to stop picking at food when they first start SS and consequently, they stay hungrier for longer and occasionally they give up because they can't cope with the starvation any more! Seriously, I can' blame them, being that hungry feels so awful, a few days ago I could have eaten one of my cats if they had kept still long enough! I've not had a snacking problem at all even on 810kcals, so I'm really hoping that my gradual approach has helped me to avoid this. I know that if I start picking at food I shouldn't be having, I won't be able to stop myself very easily.

After CDC left, still feeling buoyed from our meeting, I did a Ketostix test and I am definitely in ketosis so I am incredibly smug now. I also measured around my waist but it hadn't changed from last meeting so I'll just ignore that for now and concentrate on...

HOORAY!! KETOSIS!!!

Day 26

2008-10-14T20:14:00.005+01:00

I had a super busy day today. I didn't feel hungry when I woke up and almost forgot to have my morning sachet but when I finally remembered I was so pleased at not being hungry I celebrated by having my last Leek and Potato soup sachet, my very favourite flavour.

After breakfast, I got a crazy burst of energy and with the taste of soup still in my mouth, I decided to sort out all the junk I had stashed on top of my wardrobes which ended up being a most of the day task involving spring cleaning in, on and around almost all my bedroom furniture. I cleaned up tonnes of dust and cat hair and threw out so much rubbish, I don't know where half of it came from! Also, I found some precious things that belonged to my late mother that I thought were lost and gone forever which really cheered me up. I took a break at lunchtime and shared a meal with the boyfriend, well it was my lunch/his dinner, but we shared an actual meat and veggies type meal which has become rather a rare thing these days. Then he gave me a hand to finish off my huge bedroom project and the outcome was almost miraculous. It's gone from being over cluttered, dusty and unmanageable to being a well ordered, if a little on the full side, actual bedroom.

In the evening, even though I wasn't hungry at all, I managed to have a soup sachet followed a couple of hours later by a spiced up vanilla shake, served warm. I added a little ginger, cinnamon and nutmeg to it and it was completely delicious!

I'm really looking forward to my meeting with my CDC tomorrow and he's bringing me some Mix-a-mousse to try out. It's stuff that can be mixed with the shake sachets and makes a mousse type texture which I thought would make a nice change. I'm guessing it'll be something similar to Angel Delight texture which I think will be really nice made with the toffee and walnut flavour. I can't wait to tell CDC how positive I feel now, how much energy I suddenly have. I'm almost looking forward to my weigh in too, I haven't stepped on the scales for a couple of days so hopefully it'll be a nice surprise tomorrow.

Day 25 - Breakthrough!

2008-10-13T19:37:00.002+01:00

Today went so smoothly I'm actually surprised! The worst I had to contend with was feeling a bit peckish in the afternoon, but I went out to distract myself and it worked a treat. I really feel like I'm getting the hang of 810kcals, shame it's only for this week but I'm sure I'll adjust just fine to SS. I know I've way more will-power than I give myself credit for. I tend to think of myself as someone with little self control, (how else would I have ended up this size?), but I should remind myself more often that I gave up smoking, cold turkey, and if I can do that, I can pretty much do anything!

While I was out I treated myself to a pack of ketostix, which was, I suppose, a bit of a weird treat but oh well. After what my CDC had said in his email and the lack of extreme ravenous hunger today, I thought I might do a test and see what happened but I was too scared and talked myself out of it. I'll do it tomorrow though.

Days 23 + 24

2008-10-12T18:05:00.001+01:00

Saturday morning went smoothly but in the afternoon I was so hungry I didn't know what to do with myself. I think it's probably because I woke up pretty early again and that can make my days very long indeed, but I got through it without breaking my resolve. I can't wait for ketosis then I will only have to battle with my mind, not my stomach.

I'd missed a phone-call from my CDC on Friday but he left me a message on my voicemail so I replied via email on Saturday afternoon to let him know that I was still doing OK and I told him about my little bacon dinner on Thursday.

Sunday has been a lot easier in many ways. I woke up at a reasonable time after a decent night's sleep and had a busy day doing shopping and housework which really helped take my mind off the hunger. When I got home from the supermarket at lunchtime, I found that my CDC had replied to my email. He congratulated me for not going pie-crazy on Thursday and also said that occasionally some people do go into ketosis on 810kcals! I really hope that happens for me, although I'm not counting on it

Day 22 - First day on 810 kcals

2008-10-10T19:06:00.002+01:00

Considering how little food and how few calories I consumed today, I don't feel too bad at all. I had to space out my food and sachets a bit oddly to get through the day but I didn't cheat so I'm happy. My breakfast mushroom soup sachet succeeded in keeping me going until lunchtime but my lunch of a chilli soup sachet didn't really fill me up so I had some dry fried courgette that I had been planning to have for dinner.

By late afternoon I was feeling quite hungry again so I had half a cappuccino shake made with about twice as much water as usual and it really helped. The rest of that sachet made a rather nice little dessert for after my griddled chicken and mushroom dinner.

This day has been a relief compared to the last week, I really feel like 810kcals is going to be easier for me that 1000kcals was, although I may change my mind about that before the week is over.

Day 21

2008-10-09T23:45:00.001+01:00

I've been feeling like crap all day again today (no shock there) and even though I almost had enough sleep last night, I still had a 4 hour nap this afternoon.

I had an uncontrollable craving for salt today, I would have happily eaten a spoonful of the stuff so I decided maybe it was time for a little controlled cheating. I made a nice dish of finely chopped bacon, lot's of vegetables (courgettes, mushrooms, spinach and a few sliced olives) and some penne pasta. Apart from the bacon factor, it was a very healthy dinner really. I didn't eat tonnes of it, there was way more vegetables in it than anything else and I drunk more water than usual which should have diluted the salt a bit so I'll try not to feel too guilty. Also, the mini cheat gave me the little boost I needed to get through the last day of my difficult week on 1000kcals per day.

I only get weighed officially every 2 weeks but I thought I would step on the scales and see how I was doing and I've managed to shift 4lbs since this time last week, although my waist measurement hasn't shifted for 2 weeks.

Day 20

2008-10-08T20:09:00.006+01:00

Last night I had yet another early-ish night and shockingly early morning. I managed to sleep for almost 5 hours which may be enough for some people, but it really isn't enough for me. I spent the entire day feeling overtired, bad-tempered, hungry and downright weird.

I woke up just after 3am feeling really hungry and had a soup sachet within a few minutes but it didn't really help so I spent a few hours trying to ignore the loud noises my stomach was making and forget how hungry I was. In fact I worked so hard at it I actually forgot about breakfast! Luckily that meant I could combine it with lunch, I had a boiled egg, some toast and some salad and saved my lunchtime sachet until mid-afternoon when I mixed a warm chocolate shake with some instant coffee. It was the only thing I could do to keep myself awake long enough for dinner.

Tomorrow is my last day on 1000kcals, and it'll be quite exciting to move down to the next step; 810kcals, I'll be moving slightly closer to the more rapid losses that are possible on SS. I'm still quite worried about it though because this step has been way harder than I thought it would. I was fine at the start of the week but I've found it harder and harder every day and I'm starting to feel like I'm being tortured. I finished my dinner 1 hour ago and I feel starving already....

I'm not giving up and I'm not rushing into SS like I said I would, I may be feeling horrible but it's making me feel more determined than ever.

Day 19

2008-10-07T20:37:00.003+01:00

Last night was very much like the one before. I was fast asleep by 10 but I woke up again at 3am and completely failed to get back to sleep. I woke up feeling alert and full of energy which is really abnormal for me, so I went downstairs to do morning things only to find that boyfriend hadn't gone to work. He was feeling a bit off colour but not ill enough to stop him from making me coffee. I tried to avoid breakfast for as long as possible knowing that I had a long day ahead of me and finally had a soup sachet around 5am and a bowl of porridge about 8am after a failed nap attempt.

By late morning I was feeling so incredibly hungry that I couldn't wait until lunchtime so I had another soup sachet and managed to put off eating proper food until about 1pm. I spent the afternoon feeling exhausted, ravenous and miserable and by time I thought it was an appropriate time for dinner, I was actually feeling quite unwell. Dinner hardly took the edge off my hunger though and lots of water didn't help either. This is the worst I've felt since I started this diet and I wish I was already on Sole Source, at least after a few days feeling horrible I'd be heading for ketosis. If I feel like this all day tomorrow too, I'm going to call up my CDC and ask him if I can go straight onto SS. It would be a relief!

Day 18

2008-10-06T19:40:00.005+01:00

Ho-hum, more sleep weirdness.....

I went to bed really early last night, I was asleep by 9pm but I woke up about 3 hours later and couldn't get back to sleep so I got up, drunk a cup of coffee, made myself some porridge and got on with fixing some problems with my poor neglected computer. I spend so much time fixing everyone else's computers, mine gets left out so I had a nice leisurely potter about in the wee small hours and a soup sachet about 3am.

By 7am, the hunger and lack of sleep were really getting to me. I didn't want to have lunch yet because my sleep problem is one of the things that really mess up my eating habits. I knew that if I added another meal to the day I might be able to stay up 'til a 'normal' time, if not I wouldn't last the day, so I took a risk went back to bed. I managed to grab another 3 hours kip and woke up just as boyfriend got home from work. He made me a big mug of proper coffee which tided me over until lunchtime when I treated myself to the first shake I've had for days! I had a bowl of salad with a little drop of no fat vinaigrette then a toffee and walnut sachet blended with lots of ice.

Due to my sleep and meal juggling, I managed to have my dinner at a proper dinner time and I don't mind admitting, I'm going to bed at an embarrassingly early hour and I'm planning on sleeping for a solid 12 hours.

Days 16 + 17

2008-10-05T19:24:00.003+01:00

I woke up stupidly early on Saturday morning for no good reason, I knew it was too early because it was still quite dark so I turned over to have a look at the clock only to see that the clock was off! I scrabbled around in the dark to find my glasses and mobile, switched on the flash-light function on my mobile and stumbled downstairs to find out what the problem was. Boyfriend had recently topped up the electricity key so I thought perhaps he had forgotten to put the key back into the meter but when I got downstairs I realised that the lights on the walkway outside the were off too so it was an actual power cut! Luckily I have a gas cooker so heating up water for my morning coffee and soup sachet was not a problem, but I couldn't use my hand-held blender so I had to try to make the soup with my little balloon-whisk. It took about 3 minutes of frantic whisking to stop it being too powdery and nasty to drink, but I got there in the end.

About 11 o'clock, the electricity came back on so lunch was easy but by mid afternoon I was feeling so hungry I could cry so I went out to distract myself. I decided to take a bus over to the place where I buy my green hair dye. It's a couple of hours away on a busy Saturday afternoon so by the time I was on my way home, my stomach was feeling like it was digesting it's self and I still had to go supermarket shopping. I spent way to long looking at all the pizzas and pasties but somehow managed to make myself walk away. The second I got back I cooked myself some dinner, Quorn fillets, mushrooms, spinach and a few noodles, a sensible dinner and I'm so pleased I resisted the lure of pies in the supermarket. It was so close!

Sunday has been much more relaxed. I have no idea why but I slept for a solid 10 hours and woke up feeling excellent. I had porridge and a chicken and mushroom soup sachet for breakfast. I decided to have dinner for lunch so I cooked some extra vegetables and I had them with a cheese and broccoli soup sachet later on. I'm not sure why I was so hungry yesterday but not so much today, I did drink plenty on Saturday, maybe even more than today so maybe it was the lack of sleep that made the difference.

Day 15 - First day on 1000 kcals

2008-10-03T22:15:00.002+01:00

Today has been the first day on 1000kcals and it's been a nice easy transition. I had been finding the food quantities on 1200kcals a bit excessive which was a real shame because the recipes were quite nice but I'm sure I'll get over it when I've had a chance to try out some of the recipes on this step. One of the advantages of the dinners on this step is that the booklet gives you a little tables of starchy foods, protein rich foods and vegetable portions and you can mix and match instead of having to stick to recipes which is going to make things fun for me as I do love to cook.

Today's breakfast was a nice soft-boiled egg and slice of toast followed by a broccoli and cheese soup sachet, lunch was a leek and potato soup sachet and a bowl of salad leaves with a tiny little drizzle of some rather nice mustard dressing and for dinner I had some poached hake with boiled new potatoes and broccoli.

Although I did gaze lovingly at a picture of a cheeseburger for 'slightly' too long, I didn't actually feel hungry at all today, although it might be something to do with the fact that I had to take an afternoon nap due to only having 2 hours sleep last night. I'm trying my very best to regulate my sleep pattern at the moment, if I let it slip it could make spacing my meals quite difficult and that's the last thing I need right now. I've had sleep problems as long as I can remember which is why I am self-employed and working from home but that does have it's advantages with this diet as I can decide exactly what I want to eat and when and I always have my trusty hand-held blender ready. No lumpy powdery soups or shakes for me!

Days 13 + 14 - Meeting with CDC

2008-10-02T21:15:00.001+01:00

Yesterday went so smoothly it didn't really deserve a blog, I ate and drank and behaved myself like a good CDer. I made tuna lasagne and added some fresh spinach to the layers. It was incredibly nice and I had some more for lunch today too. I forgot yesterday's dessert fruit but I'm sure I'll survive.

Today I had a meeting with my CDC and had my official weigh in. The results weren't great, I'm still a bit bloated from my TOTM but hopefully that'll make my next official weight and measure look more impressive. Here are my stats:

Weight: 18st 1lb
Waist: 46ins
BMI: 40.5

I've lost a couple of inches from my waist but I weigh 1lb more than I did this time last week but my CDC was really encouraging. As he so rightly pointed out, I'm heading in the right direction, I'm not struggling and the weight loss will speed up as I move down the steps. After a little discussion, we have decided it would be better if I worked down to SS quite slowly so I'm going to spend a whole week on 1000kcals then another week on 810kcals so I won't be starting SS until after our next meeting. I'm quite happy with that really, I think I stand a better chance of sticking to the diet if I approach it cautiously rather than rush into it and hopefully any side effects will be minimized because it'll be less of a shock to my system.