Some weeks later.....

I just thought I better update here as I am still alive and haven't been abducted by aliens or anything.

I'm not back on CD yet, I just haven't had that 'I'm ready' feeling again yet and it would be no good for me to start again but only stick at it for a couple of days as that sort of stop/start thing drives me a bit mad, loses me no weight and is a waste of the few sachets and bars I have left. At some point soon, I'll know it's time to do it again.

I have put some weight back on, a bit more than I would have liked to, but not so much that none of my newer clothes fit me. My previous bad eating habits have not returned and I am sure I will never end up back where I was when I started. Unfortunately, I've had no improvement with my bad knee and my exercise has been minimal, I never went back to my cleaning job and my poor bicycle houses an embarrassingly thick layer of dust. I've still been riding around on my motorbike though and as long as I can still fit into all my expensive, armoured bike gear, I know everything is OK.

Days 218 - 236

There hasn't been any blogging lately because there hasn't really been a diet lately either. I failed to get back on track after my birthday and although I haven't gone food crazy, there has been some weight gain over the past few weeks; around 6lbs, so unfortunately, it puts my B.M.I. back into the 'obese' range again. Part of the problem is that I've started having some problems with my knee again which has stopped me working and put a hold on my new exercise regime but it hasn't stopped me riding my motorcycle thank goodness! I've found myself comfort eating a few times too, I get really miserable really quickly when I can't walk without pain so I've started going out for a motorbike ride more often, usually the very minute I start feeling bored. Not only is it a great distraction but also I need lots of practice for when I go for my full bike license and most importantly, I enjoy it no end.

I've also had some trouble sleeping lately, I find that if I need to turn over in bed instead of just flipping over, I need to actually wake up and lift my leg up, if I don't the pain wakes me up anyway. That's also not helped my diet at all, when I feel tired and lacking in energy, I always feel so hungry and how ever sensibly I try and eat, when I'm tired I make terrible decisions and things go wrong so easily.

Yesterday I managed to calm my eating down quite a lot so I'm going to cut down my carbohydrate intake over the next few days and the plan is to start back on CD this weekend seeing as the boyfriend is going to be away for a couple of days and I'll be left to my own devices. I feel like I've let myself down a bit by taking so long getting back on track, it's especially disappointing seeing as I was over ¾ of the way to my goal, and I've put almost a ½ stone back on again, but I'm determined to get to my goal and I'm not going to let this hiccup get me down.

Days 207 - 217

I haven't posted here for a while because in all honesty, I haven't really been dieting in a while. The best I've had in the last week and a half is one whole day on 810kcals and a couple that were nearly there but the rest of the time I've been a complete cheat and I feel very stupid. I've even strayed into the terrible realm of cakes and chocolate which is not the direction I usually go when I cheat. Now I'm not really sure what to do, I might need to take drastic steps and go back to Sole Source for a week! I thought about trying Sole Source Plus but it's too similar to 810 which I'm failing at so miserably. I'm going to finish the week, get through the weekend and past my birthday (which is Saturday in case any of you fancy sending me prezzies!) and start next week afresh.

In other news, I bought myself a motorbike today. It's a Yamaha TW125 and I love it! The exhaust is a little bit loud and I might have to get it fixed soon but apart from that it seems to be in good shape for a 10 year old bike. I promise I'll share a photo of it soon.

Days 198 - 206 - CDC Meeting

Since I last posted here my life has been up and down and all over the place, along with the diet really.

When I got home from my bike training, I had a couple of hours to tidy up and sort my flat out a bit before my friend arrived to stay for a week on her way home to Scotland from Thailand. The lucky lady managed to miss all the really horrible cold weather and came back to the UK to be greeted by blue skies and sunshine. I did feel a bit mean to have a friend staying and not be feeding her but as she has stayed here before while I've been on CD, she knew what to expect and was very understanding about it all. A friend came to visit and brought home-made flapjacks, while they were munching away on those, I was eating little pieces of cranberry bar so I didn't feel hard-done-by at all. I don't mind when people eat meals around me, but when I someone is snacking, eating small amounts over a longer period of time, I find it quite hard to cope with. The boyfriend is a peanut addict, he will often sit around with a massive bag of them and will just eat them slowly over a couple of hours and it drives me completely mad, especially when I'm not in ketosis.

Since I got home from the wedding I've not been back in ketosis yet at all and consequently I've been feeling extremely hungry indeed. I've done my very best to stick to the diet despite the hunger, some days are easier than others though. I've been trying to keep myself as busy as possible but I've not had much work lately and it's been difficult to distract myself at times. I had a pleasant and restful weekend and still managed to stick to the diet so I'm very pleased with myself. Weekends are always the most difficult times for CD so I gave myself a big pat on the back for getting through it, in fact I've been treating every single day that I've managed to stick to it as a victory.

On Tuesday I had a meeting with my CDC to buy in a couple of weeks worth of extra sachets because he's off on holiday for a few weeks and because he actually came over during the day, the boyfriend finally got to meet him. I also had an unscheduled weigh-in and the result was a bit of a pleasant surprise to me:

• Weight: 13st 5.5lb
  
• BMI: 29.7

I've managed to lose 4.5 pound in a week, even without ketosis and now my BMI is out of the 'obese' range and into the ordinary 'overweight' range. I told my CDC that I still wasn't in ketosis but he reassured me that it shouldn't effect the amount of weight I lose so I might still be on track for my Birthday mini-goal.

On Thursday night, the lack of ketosis finally got the better of me and I cracked and had takeaway pizza with my friend. It was a pretty stupid thing to do, we both have problems eating cheese, I'm a little lactose intolerant and it makes her feel ill too. So we ate a fair amount of pizza and thoroughly enjoyed it and both felt quite unwell the next day. I was hoping that would stop me eating stupid things for a while but it didn't have the desired effect and for the last couple of days I've been failing to resist the lure of real food. It's been fairly sensible real food but it's not been CD by any stretch of the imagination.

Today I went to look at a motorbike I was hoping to buy but it was a bit too expensive and not quite what I was after so as I was at the bike shop anyway, I bought some proper waterproof trousers with armour in the knees and I hired a motorbike for the week instead. As I rode away on it, I thought for a brief moment that £150 for a bike I don't get to keep was a bit of a waste of money but it's all good practice and that's what I need right now the most so I'm counting this week with a hired bike as part of my training. I get better and feel more confident and in control every time I get on a motorbike, hopefully soon I'll be able to go out for a ride without stalling at junctions (which has only happened 3 times) or wobbling a little at low speeds. On my way home I had my first ride in proper rain and also had my first encounter with the police! I stalled the bike at some traffic lights, it took a couple of attempts to get the bike running again but then I pulled away perfectly and went on my way. A couple of seconds later it became apparent that the white van that had been behind me at the junction was in fact a police van, I'm quite surprised that I didn't notice until the blue lights started flashing. I pulled over and a smiley young policeman got out of the van and walked over to me. He asked to see my license and asked about the bike to check I was supposed to be riding it then he asked to smell my breath to check I hadn't been drinking. He said he just wanted to make sure that everything checked out and if so he wanted to make sure that I was OK, he was very polite and courteous indeed. I promised him I would practice a lot and be a better rider soon and he gave me a big thumbs-up as he got back into the van. What a nice chap!

My plan for the weekend is to just do lots of riding and enjoy the bike as much as I can before I give it back on Saturday. I can't wait, I love riding more than I ever thought I would and it's a good distraction from food too.

Days 196 + 197

I've had a really fun couple of busy days, I'm feeling so happy but completely worn out.

As regular readers of my blog will know, I've recently been learning to ride a motorbike. I did my CBT on an automatic bike a few weeks ago, then last week, I started brushing up on my geared motorbike skills before I went out and bought a motorbike of my own. This week I've been completing my training on a geared bike. When I turned up for Wednesday's session, I was a little disappointed to find that unlike last week, I wasn't being trained on my own. Luckily the other student was a really lovely guy, he's a model builder and a computer geek and really passionate about learning to ride so we got on pretty well. I was hoping that it would only take one more session to get good enough to go out for a road ride, mostly for financial reasons, but during yesterday's lesson, I wasn't really feeling confident enough to go out yet and the other guy wasn't quite up to it yet either. So we spent the rest of the session off road to hone our low speed skills and control a little more, then today we all went out for a nice long ride.

At the end of yesterday's lesson, I was feeling incredibly excited and positive about today's planned ride, but as the evening wore on, I became more and more nervous and worried about it. While I was lying in bed, trying to sleep, it was all I could think about and it made for a really poor night's sleep, about 3 or 4 hours altogether with some really disturbing stress dreams too! By time I got to the riding school, I was feeling frazzled, anxious and pretty apprehensive but my instructor was his usual sunny, encouraging self and really helped to make me feel at ease and as soon as we got out on the road, my confidence started to pick up and I really started enjoying myself.

After the ride we all sat around in the bike showroom with the instructor's wife (who works there too), drinking coffee and having a nice chat about where we needed improvement, what our plans for future riding/training were and what sort of bikes we fancied riding. He gave us lots of great tips and things to watch out for on the road and we had a chat about protective clothing. He asked why I had all my own kit apart from trousers and I told him that I had bought the jacket a few years ago but I was waiting for my weight to settle a bit before I bought trousers. I may have possibly mentioned (gloated) that I'd managed to shift about 5 stones in the last 6 months and my instructor's wife was amazed and curious. I explained a bit about CD and the next thing I knew, she was on the phone finding out about her nearest CDC!!

Anyway, I did well on my assessment ride, my instructor is happy for me to go out and ride a geared bike on my own and I'm so pleased! Also, I've been so preoccupied with bike stuff for the last 2 days, I've not had time to eat, even though I've been feeling hungry and I'm not back in ketosis yet. I'm sure it'll come soon enough though, I just have to keep going like this and I'll be fine.

Days 194 + 195 - CDC Meeting

I had no work on Monday so I really struggled to stay away from the food and get back into the diet frame of mind. By mid afternoon I still hadn't eaten but I was starting to feel like I was going a bit mad so I went out to do a little shopping at the supermarket to distract myself. I chose a supermarket right over in south London so I would be distracted for as long as possible even though we didn't really need much.

While I was there I had a quick look at the cheap and cheerful clothing, seeing as these days I have hardly anything that fits me, and found some OK looking jeans for just £8. I didn't bother trying them on seeing as I was already wearing the same brand of jeans, I just picked out a 16, same size as I was already wearing plus a pair of rather nice and even cheaper cargo pants and made my way home with my snazzy new leg-wear and a bag full of boyfriend food. When I got back I excitedly tried on my new clothing only to find that both pairs were far too small! I don't get it, I bought the same size as I was wearing from the same shop and it was around 3 inches too small for me around the waist! It could be because I have PMS at the moment, but it seems highly unlikely to me. Needless to say I went back for a refund on both garments earlier today, I'll wait until my TOTM is over before I try and get any more clothes, if I can possibly get away with it, I'll wait until the diet is over too.

Yesterday's distraction technique worked quite well, I ate a reasonable amount and got in all my sachets and water and I kept myself busy today with a similar outcome. I also had my weigh in today and the results were not too bad considering how much I ate while I was away:

• Weight: 13st 10lb
  
• BMI: 30.5

I had a really great loss last week and I put on 4lbs while I was away but after a few days back on the straight and narrow, when I manage to get back into ketosis and I get past this nasty PMS, I'm confident that extra weight will just melt away and I'm planning to have another spectacular loss by my next weigh-in. I was also excited to notice that I'm only 0.5 of a BMI point away from being just overweight rather than obese!

I have decided that as I seem to work better with set goals, I would set myself a new mini-goal now so the plan is to get down below the 13 stone mark in time for my birthday on 25th April. I don't care how far below, I just want to break that threshold. It will put me within pounds of my goal instead of stones and I know I can do it if I try. I'm even considering going back on SS or SS+ for a little while if I think I need the extra push but I do like 810kcals per day, I seem to stay in ketosis on it quite easily and I find the food quantities easy to manage too. I'll just wait and see how I feel.

Days 190 - 193

I had a great time away in Somerset. The boyfriend's new step family are all very nice and there was loads of great food. I think I would have gone completely insane if I had tried to stick to CD while I was there. I ate a lot but I managed to steer myself away from the drink most of the time, I had a glass of Bucks Fizz and one glass of very nice Pinot Grigio at the wedding breakfast but really couldn't manage any champagne so I had a little sip and gave the rest to the boyfriend.

The day after the wedding, boyfriend's dad treated us all, that's him and his lovely new wife, his 2 kids and me and his 2 step kids and their partners to a pub lunch. The food was absolutely great again, he really knows all the best places to eat, I hadn't realised he was such a foody which is a shame as if I had known that before, I think I would have got on a lot better with him. Boyfriend and I eventually got home about 7 that evening, still feeling full up and just had a light snack but this morning, I woke up feeling really hungry so I decided to have today off the diet too and get back on track Monday.

Wish me luck!