Days 194 + 195 - CDC Meeting

I had no work on Monday so I really struggled to stay away from the food and get back into the diet frame of mind. By mid afternoon I still hadn't eaten but I was starting to feel like I was going a bit mad so I went out to do a little shopping at the supermarket to distract myself. I chose a supermarket right over in south London so I would be distracted for as long as possible even though we didn't really need much.

While I was there I had a quick look at the cheap and cheerful clothing, seeing as these days I have hardly anything that fits me, and found some OK looking jeans for just £8. I didn't bother trying them on seeing as I was already wearing the same brand of jeans, I just picked out a 16, same size as I was already wearing plus a pair of rather nice and even cheaper cargo pants and made my way home with my snazzy new leg-wear and a bag full of boyfriend food. When I got back I excitedly tried on my new clothing only to find that both pairs were far too small! I don't get it, I bought the same size as I was wearing from the same shop and it was around 3 inches too small for me around the waist! It could be because I have PMS at the moment, but it seems highly unlikely to me. Needless to say I went back for a refund on both garments earlier today, I'll wait until my TOTM is over before I try and get any more clothes, if I can possibly get away with it, I'll wait until the diet is over too.

Yesterday's distraction technique worked quite well, I ate a reasonable amount and got in all my sachets and water and I kept myself busy today with a similar outcome. I also had my weigh in today and the results were not too bad considering how much I ate while I was away:

• Weight: 13st 10lb
  
• BMI: 30.5

I had a really great loss last week and I put on 4lbs while I was away but after a few days back on the straight and narrow, when I manage to get back into ketosis and I get past this nasty PMS, I'm confident that extra weight will just melt away and I'm planning to have another spectacular loss by my next weigh-in. I was also excited to notice that I'm only 0.5 of a BMI point away from being just overweight rather than obese!

I have decided that as I seem to work better with set goals, I would set myself a new mini-goal now so the plan is to get down below the 13 stone mark in time for my birthday on 25th April. I don't care how far below, I just want to break that threshold. It will put me within pounds of my goal instead of stones and I know I can do it if I try. I'm even considering going back on SS or SS+ for a little while if I think I need the extra push but I do like 810kcals per day, I seem to stay in ketosis on it quite easily and I find the food quantities easy to manage too. I'll just wait and see how I feel.

Days 190 - 193

I had a great time away in Somerset. The boyfriend's new step family are all very nice and there was loads of great food. I think I would have gone completely insane if I had tried to stick to CD while I was there. I ate a lot but I managed to steer myself away from the drink most of the time, I had a glass of Bucks Fizz and one glass of very nice Pinot Grigio at the wedding breakfast but really couldn't manage any champagne so I had a little sip and gave the rest to the boyfriend.

The day after the wedding, boyfriend's dad treated us all, that's him and his lovely new wife, his 2 kids and me and his 2 step kids and their partners to a pub lunch. The food was absolutely great again, he really knows all the best places to eat, I hadn't realised he was such a foody which is a shame as if I had known that before, I think I would have got on a lot better with him. Boyfriend and I eventually got home about 7 that evening, still feeling full up and just had a light snack but this morning, I woke up feeling really hungry so I decided to have today off the diet too and get back on track Monday.

Wish me luck!

Days 187 - 190 - AM

I'm off to Somerset for boyfriend's dad's wedding in a short while so this is just a quick update about the busy few day's I've just had. Monday was a day of cleaning work and several hours on public transport, it was hard work but I didn't have time to eat anything I shouldn't have.

On Tuesday, after a really poor night's sleep, I went to the motorbike training school for some training on a geared bike. I had a fun ride over to Northfields in morning rush hour traffic, I don't know why I enjoyed it, I must be some kind of pervert. I arrived about 15mins late but I've learned my lesson about rush hour now and won't be making the same error again. My instructor made me buy proper bike boots because my steel toecaps were impossible to change gear in and the new boots made a world of difference. I really made some good progress but not quite enough to go on the road yet so I'm going back for another half day training and a bit of on road fun next Wednesday. My instructor said many people don't bother doing a clutch conversion on their CBT, because it's not a legal requirement but he heartily commended me for making the effort. I know it's going to make me a better and safer rider and nothing is more important right now. He also let me have a ride on an expensive , flashy Varadero XL125, the 125 I would love to ride but probably can't afford and I've fallen completely in love with it! It has a v-twin engine and looks and sounds like a much bigger bike and handles like a dream!

On my way home I stopped at a friend's place nearby for green tea and a chat so I didn't get back home until pretty late. I didn't have time to stray from my diet on that day either, I actually struggled to fit everything in and may have possibly skimped on my water a bit, just because I was too preoccupied with other things to make sure I had enough.

On Wednesday I had to take the scooter back to the hire shop but first I had to help the boyfriend get some shoes to go with his nice new suit. Marks and Spencer came up trumps with some nice shoes that came in a wide fit and actually fit him properly! It turns out he's a size smaller than he thought he was, he had been going a size up to fit his wide feet all his adult life pretty much, I've had to do the same in the past myself so I know how horrible it is. If shoes are too long for me, when they break in properly, my feet slip back and forth in them and they are uncomfortable for ever and wear out way too quickly too.

At just after 5pm I reluctantly set off to return the scooter. I had almost a whole 2 hours to get it back to Fulham so I thought I'd take a slightly circuitous route and enjoy myself a bit. It was a foolish error, I got quite lost and ended up at Kensal Rise, somewhere I've never been before, with no idea how to get back, so I had to guess where to go by looking at where the rapidly setting sun was. When I eventually arrived in Fulham, it was completely dark and I got to the scooter shop 2 minutes before it closed only to find the back tyre was completely flat! So, somewhere along the way, I had got a puncture and driven some distance on it, without even noticing! Thinking in retrospect, for the last couple of miles, the scooter had seemed a little hard to handle but I put it down to the stress and worry of being a bit lost and possibly having to pay for an extra day's hire. Luckily, I got my £250 deposit back, no problem and I just about got home in time to see my helpful sister to hand over the spare keys to my flat so she can look after my cats while I'm away.

This morning I stepped on my scales to see if I was anywhere near my mini goal and to my shock, I'm bang on target! I know I'll be eating for a couple of days now so I might gain a couple of pounds back, but I'm sure I'll lose it again quickly.

Days 183 - 186

I've been having excellent fun on the hired scooter. On Thursday I had to visit a client over in Muswell Hill and that was quite a pleasant little ride away. By time I was finished there it was dark so I had my first ever ride in the dark on my way back home. The day's dieting went pretty well too, I stuck to 810 with great ease, so I thought at the time. In retrospect I've realised I've missed out my milk allowance each day back on 810 so far. Ooops, it's only been 3 days, I hope I don't make a habit of it.

On Friday I rode down to Berkshire to see some friends and family. It was the furthest I had ridden and it was great fun! There was plenty of dual carriageway and also a few nice twisty B roads. The real darkness and lack of street lighting was slightly intimidating at first but I did OK and I'll get used to it. Most of the people I went to visit had not seen me for over a month and even though my weight-loss since then has been poor as far as I'm concerned, pretty much everyone I saw mentioned how different I look now. My grandma spent my whole visit trying to feed me so I ended up explaining a lot more about CD than I had before and I think she's a bit worried about me now. Hopefully I'll not have withered away to nothing before I next go and see her, that should put her mind at rest. I had a few lectures about losing weight too quickly from a couple of my other friends too and I'm not the sort of person to take the easy way out and just reply with 'I know what I'm doing' so I spent a considerable length of time explaining about CD and how it works to them too. Now, one of them thinks I'm nuts and the other fancies trying it herself!

On the way back to London on Saturday, I tried a different route suggested by my lovely biker friend and it was great, even more dual carriageway than on the way down, I got back quite quickly really. I did take a small detour through Hounslow by accident, I misread the lane markings and ended up coming off the A4 instead of following it all the way to Hammersmith. It wasn't too bad really and I was back on track within a couple of miles, it can't have added more than about 5 minutes to my journey.

Due to being very busy on Friday and Saturday, I managed to stick to the plan with great ease (apart from forgetting the milk allowance) and although I spent most of the day resting, the diet went fine today too. I also stepped on the scales today and I've somehow shifted 3lbs in the 4 days since my official weigh-in!! There's a very real chance I may reach my mini-goal after-all. I think the scooter is doing me good. Thank you Honda!

Days 180 - 182 - CDC Meeting

Things have been up and down again so far this week. I had no work on Monday and again, temptation got the better of me, I only had a little bit of stuffing but it was enough to kick me out of ketosis. I'm seriously disappointed with myself after I'd managed to keep things more or less on track over the weekend but on Tuesday I had another dental appointment and another filling which helped me steer clear of the food and today (Wednesday) I was back in ketosis again.

I had no work today either so I decided to go and hire a scooter for the week so I can have a little more riding practice before I go and do my CBT clutch conversion. Although I can legally ride a geared bike if I want to, I'd feel happier with some extra training and a supervised ride before I buy my own motorbike and go it alone. I went to a really friendly scooter shop in Fulham and hired the 125 version of the scooter I did my CBT on. As I rode away I was pleasantly surprised at how much faster it was than the 50cc version and it took me a little while to get used to the excellent acceleration. I took a very circuitous route back home to Camden thinking I had plenty of time until my CDC meeting but after 1 hour I was still on Edgeware Road getting stuck in traffic. I try to filter through the traffic jams a bit but I'm not confident doing it very often. I'm not quite sure how wide the bike is and some gaps look a bit dangerous to me so I kept it to a minimum and just queued up with all the cars if I didn't feel confident.

I eventually got home at about 5:55, just in time. It had taken me almost an hour and a half to get back but I'd thoroughly enjoyed it, the weather was great and the scooter handled so much better than I expected. My CDC was a little bit late which gave me time to get some tea and relax before my weigh in. Here are the new stats:

• Weight: 14st
  
• BMI: 31.2

It's a poor loss again but it's still better than a gain. I told him how tricky I was finding the diet these days and suggested I tried 810kcals per day for a couple of weeks which he said was pretty much what he was going to suggest to me. He also said that even though my losses have been slow recently, he can really see the change in me, especially in my face which is very encouraging. I must admit the way I'm feeling is still changing even if my weight isn't so much, I still have lots more energy than I used to, I have a general sense of well-being and my poor dodgy knee isn't as painful as it used to be. My weight-loss so far has really helped my self confidence, I would have never got back into motorcycling if it weren't for the diet. However discouraged I feel these days, I'm not quitting CD now and I hope that if I can be a little more consistent with the diet at the 810 level, I may have some better results.

I'm pretty sure I've messed up my mini goal but all is not lost. I might still make it but if not, I promise not to beat myself up too much.

Days 176 - 179

As I'd hoped, the diet went well on Thursday and Friday due to being rushed off my feet but unfortunately, my sleep pattern went a bit crazy too. I had a few nights of insomnia this week and by the end of it I was exhausted and looking forward to the weekend.

On Friday afternoon I went to the dentist and had a filling and although I didn't have particularly bad toothache before the filling, later that day, when the injection wore off, I was in so much pain I wanted to cry every time I moved my face. The paracetamol I took didn't even touch the pain and I couldn't even have my CD soup without agony! I hardly had any sleep at all that night because which ever side I tried to lay on seemed to be the most painful side.

On Saturday I had to go out for most of the day to help boyfriend find a respectable outfit for his dad's wedding that he could feel comfortable in which was a challenge not only because he's a real jeans and t-shirt type of guy who feels completely wrong in a shirt but also because I couldn't speak without the pain bringing tears to my eyes. Luckily we got through it somehow. Boyfriend bought a dark blue pinstriped suit that was nothing like what he had set out to buy but he felt comfortable in it and it actually really suited him and I bought some Solpadeine (on the pharmacists recommendation) which worked a treat and that afternoon I finally managed to get the first bit of proper sleep I'd had for almost a week.

When I woke up, in the very early hours of this morning, I hardly felt any pain at all in my jaw, just a dull ache. My newly filled tooth still seems a bit more sensitive than usual to hot and cold, but it's bearable and isn't putting me off my food and sachets any more luckily. Although I kept really strange hours this weekend, I utilised the time quite well and have pretty much decided what sort of motorbike I'm going to buy and how much it should cost me. If I'm frugal and sensible, I might even be able to hire a bike for this week for some extra riding experience before my helpful biker friend helps me buy one of my own. I've decided not to mess about with scooters though, I'm just going to go ahead and get a geared bike. I passed my CBT on an automatic, but I feel I have enough experience with gears to do OK and the sooner I get some practice in, the sooner I can start thinking about getting my proper motorbike license!

Days 173 - 175

I had a pretty busy day on Monday, a few hours work in the morning, a quick meeting with my boss at lunchtime and an opticians appointment in the afternoon. I barely had enough time to get from one place to another in time, let alone think about eating, so on Monday I stayed on the CD straight and narrow with great ease.

Tuesday was a similarly busy type of day. I went to a new motorbike riding school and finally did my CBT (Compulsory Basic Training) so I can ride on the road as a learner. I've been struggling with geared motorbikes so I did my CBT on an automatic, at the instructor's suggestion. He said if I get some practice on the road with an automatic, it'll help build my confidence and hopefully, when I ride a geared bike again in the near future, I will find it a whole lot easier. He was very right, I went for a couple hours ride with the instructor and a very nice lady and had a really great time, didn't feel stressed in the traffic and passed my assessment with flying colours! My new instructor said a lot of riding schools will try and teach new riders how to ride geared bikes without riding an automatic first and they used to too but they found doing it this way required less visits, cost the rider less and ended up with a more confident and happy learner rider. At first I thought it sounded like a bit of a rip off, but now I completely agree. If I had done it this way originally, I think I could have been on the road ages ago.

Anyway, much to my chagrin, I'm going to have to buy myself a scooter this week. I don't plan to own it more than a month or two and as soon as I feel confident, I'm going to redo my CBT on a geared bike then sell the scooter and buy something a bit more 'motorbike'ish. I did consider hiring a scooter for a while, but I think it'll be a bit of a waste of money. A scooter can't depreciate too much in value over a couple of months and as long as nobody tries to steal it, I should get most of my money back when I sell it on. I think I might have to sell my bike jacket too, it's enormous on me now, even with he quilted lining in it. I know that ladies bike jackets in bigger sizes are quite hard to get so I'm hoping that because I've only worn it about a dozen times and I've looked after it very well, I should be able to get enough for it to buy a smaller one.

Today, I've had a day off and caught up with a bit of housework and computer maintenance. Unfortunately, I got a bit bored and also weakened and ate some pizza. Ho-hum, back on the wagon tomorrow........... I've got another couple of very busy days ahead so hopefully that'll help.

Days 169 - 172

On Thursday I was working from home. Although that sounds like it could be a recipe for dieting disaster, when I work at home I tend to be too preoccupied to think about eating things I shouldn't and I behaved myself pretty well this time despite feeling pretty hungry. Even though I still wasn't in ketosis, I ended the day feeling really positive. Friday was similar to Thursday. I was moderately busy and thought that I would be able to keep things under control quite easily, but when boyfriend made himself a few toasted muffins and found his eyes were bigger than his belly and couldn't finish them all, I needed no persuasion whatsoever and I'm embarrassed to say I ate the last one.

After a good Thursday and a cheaty Friday (damn muffins, why do they have to be so delicious?) I was worried all my good work would go to pot at the weekend but I managed to keep things under control quite easily for a change. Maybe it's because the boyfriend was doing some overtime on Saturday, or perhaps having set goals is really good for me and genuinely helps me focus. I also got to have a look at the menu for boyfriend's dad's wedding reception and it looks fantastic!. There was nothing on there I could eat and still stay within CD rules so I'm just going to let go for the day and enjoy it. I know I can get back on track again the next day. Here's what I'll be having:

• Roast Red Pepper and Tomato soup with herb oil and croutons
• Sea Bass Fillets on herb crushed potatoes with a cherry tomato and creme fraiche sauce
• White Chocolate Cheesecake with raspberry compote

My biggest concern is feeling unwell from all the food that my digestive system isn't used to. I remember my stomach hurting every time I had bread over Xmas, potato and pasta weren't such a problem, but rice and bread made me feel quite sick. I really hope my poor belly can take it because it looks like it's going to be a stunning meal.

Day 168 - CDC Meeting

I had the best night's sleep last night, 10 whole hours, so it looks like my insomnia might be over, well for a while at least. I've had a pleasantly restful day too, there was a quick trip to the shops for a few essentials, a little bit of much needed tidying up and a bit of preparation for tomorrow's work, just catching up with the things I normally don't have time to do.

This evening's CDC meeting went OK, I didn't lose very much weigh at all:

• Weight: 14st 2lb
• BMI: 31.5

but it wasn't a gain so I'm not going to start panicking. I did end up chatting a lot more about motorbikes and computers than dieting, but I'm certainly not disappointed about that.

I've also decided on a new mini-goal to help spur me on. The boyfriend's dad is getting married towards the end of this month and I'd like to feel as comfy in the outfit I've chosen to wear to the wedding as possible so I'm aiming to lose 10lbs by 27th March. It only gives me 3 weeks and a couple of days but I don't see why I can't do it if I try hard enough. I've decided I'm going to eat at the reception but definitely not drink, I think it'll be much easier to get out of drinking than get out of dinner as boyfriend's dad knows I'm not a drinker.

In other CD news, I tried a chocolate tetra frozen then partially defrosted and it was rather nice. It came out a pleasant soft ice-cream type texture and it was the nicest tetra I've had so far.

Days 165 - 167

My sleep pattern is really suffering at the moment, it had become a little irregular a few days ago but now it's blossomed into full-on insomnia. I've had a grand total of about 7 hours sleep over the last 3 nights and still managed to get to work for the last 2 days. I'm pleased and perplexed in equal measures over how I managed to do it but right now, I'm so tired I could cry and it's still only 8pm. Fortunately I have no work lined up for tomorrow so I will spend some time resting and having a tinker with one of my ongoing creative projects and just hope it'll be enough to distract me from food for the day until my CDC meeting in the evening. Although the diet has been going well for the last few days in some respects, I've been so disinterested in eating and so busy and distracted, I've had my small meal during the day but all my CD sachets and bars in the evening in a few hours. It's a terrible habit but I have enough time tomorrow to space them out properly so it shouldn't happen again.

I'm feeling quite nervous about my CDC meeting and weigh-in tomorrow. Last time I weighed myself, a few days ago, I'd actually gained a tiny amount of weight since my last official weigh-in and I've been too afraid to step on my scales since then. I knew the results wouldn't be great due to some cheating and horrible menstrual bloating, but I wasn't expecting an actual weight-gain, just a poor loss. I might weigh myself tomorrow morning just to get a rough idea of what to expect in the evening, but even if I haven't lost anything this week, I know my lovely CDC will find some way to put a positive spin on it. He's great like that!

I'm off to bed now to read my highway code......