Some weeks later.....

I just thought I better update here as I am still alive and haven't been abducted by aliens or anything.

I'm not back on CD yet, I just haven't had that 'I'm ready' feeling again yet and it would be no good for me to start again but only stick at it for a couple of days as that sort of stop/start thing drives me a bit mad, loses me no weight and is a waste of the few sachets and bars I have left. At some point soon, I'll know it's time to do it again.

I have put some weight back on, a bit more than I would have liked to, but not so much that none of my newer clothes fit me. My previous bad eating habits have not returned and I am sure I will never end up back where I was when I started. Unfortunately, I've had no improvement with my bad knee and my exercise has been minimal, I never went back to my cleaning job and my poor bicycle houses an embarrassingly thick layer of dust. I've still been riding around on my motorbike though and as long as I can still fit into all my expensive, armoured bike gear, I know everything is OK.

Days 218 - 236

There hasn't been any blogging lately because there hasn't really been a diet lately either. I failed to get back on track after my birthday and although I haven't gone food crazy, there has been some weight gain over the past few weeks; around 6lbs, so unfortunately, it puts my B.M.I. back into the 'obese' range again. Part of the problem is that I've started having some problems with my knee again which has stopped me working and put a hold on my new exercise regime but it hasn't stopped me riding my motorcycle thank goodness! I've found myself comfort eating a few times too, I get really miserable really quickly when I can't walk without pain so I've started going out for a motorbike ride more often, usually the very minute I start feeling bored. Not only is it a great distraction but also I need lots of practice for when I go for my full bike license and most importantly, I enjoy it no end.

I've also had some trouble sleeping lately, I find that if I need to turn over in bed instead of just flipping over, I need to actually wake up and lift my leg up, if I don't the pain wakes me up anyway. That's also not helped my diet at all, when I feel tired and lacking in energy, I always feel so hungry and how ever sensibly I try and eat, when I'm tired I make terrible decisions and things go wrong so easily.

Yesterday I managed to calm my eating down quite a lot so I'm going to cut down my carbohydrate intake over the next few days and the plan is to start back on CD this weekend seeing as the boyfriend is going to be away for a couple of days and I'll be left to my own devices. I feel like I've let myself down a bit by taking so long getting back on track, it's especially disappointing seeing as I was over ¾ of the way to my goal, and I've put almost a ½ stone back on again, but I'm determined to get to my goal and I'm not going to let this hiccup get me down.

Days 207 - 217

I haven't posted here for a while because in all honesty, I haven't really been dieting in a while. The best I've had in the last week and a half is one whole day on 810kcals and a couple that were nearly there but the rest of the time I've been a complete cheat and I feel very stupid. I've even strayed into the terrible realm of cakes and chocolate which is not the direction I usually go when I cheat. Now I'm not really sure what to do, I might need to take drastic steps and go back to Sole Source for a week! I thought about trying Sole Source Plus but it's too similar to 810 which I'm failing at so miserably. I'm going to finish the week, get through the weekend and past my birthday (which is Saturday in case any of you fancy sending me prezzies!) and start next week afresh.

In other news, I bought myself a motorbike today. It's a Yamaha TW125 and I love it! The exhaust is a little bit loud and I might have to get it fixed soon but apart from that it seems to be in good shape for a 10 year old bike. I promise I'll share a photo of it soon.

Days 198 - 206 - CDC Meeting

Since I last posted here my life has been up and down and all over the place, along with the diet really.

When I got home from my bike training, I had a couple of hours to tidy up and sort my flat out a bit before my friend arrived to stay for a week on her way home to Scotland from Thailand. The lucky lady managed to miss all the really horrible cold weather and came back to the UK to be greeted by blue skies and sunshine. I did feel a bit mean to have a friend staying and not be feeding her but as she has stayed here before while I've been on CD, she knew what to expect and was very understanding about it all. A friend came to visit and brought home-made flapjacks, while they were munching away on those, I was eating little pieces of cranberry bar so I didn't feel hard-done-by at all. I don't mind when people eat meals around me, but when I someone is snacking, eating small amounts over a longer period of time, I find it quite hard to cope with. The boyfriend is a peanut addict, he will often sit around with a massive bag of them and will just eat them slowly over a couple of hours and it drives me completely mad, especially when I'm not in ketosis.

Since I got home from the wedding I've not been back in ketosis yet at all and consequently I've been feeling extremely hungry indeed. I've done my very best to stick to the diet despite the hunger, some days are easier than others though. I've been trying to keep myself as busy as possible but I've not had much work lately and it's been difficult to distract myself at times. I had a pleasant and restful weekend and still managed to stick to the diet so I'm very pleased with myself. Weekends are always the most difficult times for CD so I gave myself a big pat on the back for getting through it, in fact I've been treating every single day that I've managed to stick to it as a victory.

On Tuesday I had a meeting with my CDC to buy in a couple of weeks worth of extra sachets because he's off on holiday for a few weeks and because he actually came over during the day, the boyfriend finally got to meet him. I also had an unscheduled weigh-in and the result was a bit of a pleasant surprise to me:

• Weight: 13st 5.5lb
  
• BMI: 29.7

I've managed to lose 4.5 pound in a week, even without ketosis and now my BMI is out of the 'obese' range and into the ordinary 'overweight' range. I told my CDC that I still wasn't in ketosis but he reassured me that it shouldn't effect the amount of weight I lose so I might still be on track for my Birthday mini-goal.

On Thursday night, the lack of ketosis finally got the better of me and I cracked and had takeaway pizza with my friend. It was a pretty stupid thing to do, we both have problems eating cheese, I'm a little lactose intolerant and it makes her feel ill too. So we ate a fair amount of pizza and thoroughly enjoyed it and both felt quite unwell the next day. I was hoping that would stop me eating stupid things for a while but it didn't have the desired effect and for the last couple of days I've been failing to resist the lure of real food. It's been fairly sensible real food but it's not been CD by any stretch of the imagination.

Today I went to look at a motorbike I was hoping to buy but it was a bit too expensive and not quite what I was after so as I was at the bike shop anyway, I bought some proper waterproof trousers with armour in the knees and I hired a motorbike for the week instead. As I rode away on it, I thought for a brief moment that £150 for a bike I don't get to keep was a bit of a waste of money but it's all good practice and that's what I need right now the most so I'm counting this week with a hired bike as part of my training. I get better and feel more confident and in control every time I get on a motorbike, hopefully soon I'll be able to go out for a ride without stalling at junctions (which has only happened 3 times) or wobbling a little at low speeds. On my way home I had my first ride in proper rain and also had my first encounter with the police! I stalled the bike at some traffic lights, it took a couple of attempts to get the bike running again but then I pulled away perfectly and went on my way. A couple of seconds later it became apparent that the white van that had been behind me at the junction was in fact a police van, I'm quite surprised that I didn't notice until the blue lights started flashing. I pulled over and a smiley young policeman got out of the van and walked over to me. He asked to see my license and asked about the bike to check I was supposed to be riding it then he asked to smell my breath to check I hadn't been drinking. He said he just wanted to make sure that everything checked out and if so he wanted to make sure that I was OK, he was very polite and courteous indeed. I promised him I would practice a lot and be a better rider soon and he gave me a big thumbs-up as he got back into the van. What a nice chap!

My plan for the weekend is to just do lots of riding and enjoy the bike as much as I can before I give it back on Saturday. I can't wait, I love riding more than I ever thought I would and it's a good distraction from food too.

Days 196 + 197

I've had a really fun couple of busy days, I'm feeling so happy but completely worn out.

As regular readers of my blog will know, I've recently been learning to ride a motorbike. I did my CBT on an automatic bike a few weeks ago, then last week, I started brushing up on my geared motorbike skills before I went out and bought a motorbike of my own. This week I've been completing my training on a geared bike. When I turned up for Wednesday's session, I was a little disappointed to find that unlike last week, I wasn't being trained on my own. Luckily the other student was a really lovely guy, he's a model builder and a computer geek and really passionate about learning to ride so we got on pretty well. I was hoping that it would only take one more session to get good enough to go out for a road ride, mostly for financial reasons, but during yesterday's lesson, I wasn't really feeling confident enough to go out yet and the other guy wasn't quite up to it yet either. So we spent the rest of the session off road to hone our low speed skills and control a little more, then today we all went out for a nice long ride.

At the end of yesterday's lesson, I was feeling incredibly excited and positive about today's planned ride, but as the evening wore on, I became more and more nervous and worried about it. While I was lying in bed, trying to sleep, it was all I could think about and it made for a really poor night's sleep, about 3 or 4 hours altogether with some really disturbing stress dreams too! By time I got to the riding school, I was feeling frazzled, anxious and pretty apprehensive but my instructor was his usual sunny, encouraging self and really helped to make me feel at ease and as soon as we got out on the road, my confidence started to pick up and I really started enjoying myself.

After the ride we all sat around in the bike showroom with the instructor's wife (who works there too), drinking coffee and having a nice chat about where we needed improvement, what our plans for future riding/training were and what sort of bikes we fancied riding. He gave us lots of great tips and things to watch out for on the road and we had a chat about protective clothing. He asked why I had all my own kit apart from trousers and I told him that I had bought the jacket a few years ago but I was waiting for my weight to settle a bit before I bought trousers. I may have possibly mentioned (gloated) that I'd managed to shift about 5 stones in the last 6 months and my instructor's wife was amazed and curious. I explained a bit about CD and the next thing I knew, she was on the phone finding out about her nearest CDC!!

Anyway, I did well on my assessment ride, my instructor is happy for me to go out and ride a geared bike on my own and I'm so pleased! Also, I've been so preoccupied with bike stuff for the last 2 days, I've not had time to eat, even though I've been feeling hungry and I'm not back in ketosis yet. I'm sure it'll come soon enough though, I just have to keep going like this and I'll be fine.

Days 194 + 195 - CDC Meeting

I had no work on Monday so I really struggled to stay away from the food and get back into the diet frame of mind. By mid afternoon I still hadn't eaten but I was starting to feel like I was going a bit mad so I went out to do a little shopping at the supermarket to distract myself. I chose a supermarket right over in south London so I would be distracted for as long as possible even though we didn't really need much.

While I was there I had a quick look at the cheap and cheerful clothing, seeing as these days I have hardly anything that fits me, and found some OK looking jeans for just £8. I didn't bother trying them on seeing as I was already wearing the same brand of jeans, I just picked out a 16, same size as I was already wearing plus a pair of rather nice and even cheaper cargo pants and made my way home with my snazzy new leg-wear and a bag full of boyfriend food. When I got back I excitedly tried on my new clothing only to find that both pairs were far too small! I don't get it, I bought the same size as I was wearing from the same shop and it was around 3 inches too small for me around the waist! It could be because I have PMS at the moment, but it seems highly unlikely to me. Needless to say I went back for a refund on both garments earlier today, I'll wait until my TOTM is over before I try and get any more clothes, if I can possibly get away with it, I'll wait until the diet is over too.

Yesterday's distraction technique worked quite well, I ate a reasonable amount and got in all my sachets and water and I kept myself busy today with a similar outcome. I also had my weigh in today and the results were not too bad considering how much I ate while I was away:

• Weight: 13st 10lb
  
• BMI: 30.5

I had a really great loss last week and I put on 4lbs while I was away but after a few days back on the straight and narrow, when I manage to get back into ketosis and I get past this nasty PMS, I'm confident that extra weight will just melt away and I'm planning to have another spectacular loss by my next weigh-in. I was also excited to notice that I'm only 0.5 of a BMI point away from being just overweight rather than obese!

I have decided that as I seem to work better with set goals, I would set myself a new mini-goal now so the plan is to get down below the 13 stone mark in time for my birthday on 25th April. I don't care how far below, I just want to break that threshold. It will put me within pounds of my goal instead of stones and I know I can do it if I try. I'm even considering going back on SS or SS+ for a little while if I think I need the extra push but I do like 810kcals per day, I seem to stay in ketosis on it quite easily and I find the food quantities easy to manage too. I'll just wait and see how I feel.

Days 190 - 193

I had a great time away in Somerset. The boyfriend's new step family are all very nice and there was loads of great food. I think I would have gone completely insane if I had tried to stick to CD while I was there. I ate a lot but I managed to steer myself away from the drink most of the time, I had a glass of Bucks Fizz and one glass of very nice Pinot Grigio at the wedding breakfast but really couldn't manage any champagne so I had a little sip and gave the rest to the boyfriend.

The day after the wedding, boyfriend's dad treated us all, that's him and his lovely new wife, his 2 kids and me and his 2 step kids and their partners to a pub lunch. The food was absolutely great again, he really knows all the best places to eat, I hadn't realised he was such a foody which is a shame as if I had known that before, I think I would have got on a lot better with him. Boyfriend and I eventually got home about 7 that evening, still feeling full up and just had a light snack but this morning, I woke up feeling really hungry so I decided to have today off the diet too and get back on track Monday.

Wish me luck!

Days 187 - 190 - AM

I'm off to Somerset for boyfriend's dad's wedding in a short while so this is just a quick update about the busy few day's I've just had. Monday was a day of cleaning work and several hours on public transport, it was hard work but I didn't have time to eat anything I shouldn't have.

On Tuesday, after a really poor night's sleep, I went to the motorbike training school for some training on a geared bike. I had a fun ride over to Northfields in morning rush hour traffic, I don't know why I enjoyed it, I must be some kind of pervert. I arrived about 15mins late but I've learned my lesson about rush hour now and won't be making the same error again. My instructor made me buy proper bike boots because my steel toecaps were impossible to change gear in and the new boots made a world of difference. I really made some good progress but not quite enough to go on the road yet so I'm going back for another half day training and a bit of on road fun next Wednesday. My instructor said many people don't bother doing a clutch conversion on their CBT, because it's not a legal requirement but he heartily commended me for making the effort. I know it's going to make me a better and safer rider and nothing is more important right now. He also let me have a ride on an expensive , flashy Varadero XL125, the 125 I would love to ride but probably can't afford and I've fallen completely in love with it! It has a v-twin engine and looks and sounds like a much bigger bike and handles like a dream!

On my way home I stopped at a friend's place nearby for green tea and a chat so I didn't get back home until pretty late. I didn't have time to stray from my diet on that day either, I actually struggled to fit everything in and may have possibly skimped on my water a bit, just because I was too preoccupied with other things to make sure I had enough.

On Wednesday I had to take the scooter back to the hire shop but first I had to help the boyfriend get some shoes to go with his nice new suit. Marks and Spencer came up trumps with some nice shoes that came in a wide fit and actually fit him properly! It turns out he's a size smaller than he thought he was, he had been going a size up to fit his wide feet all his adult life pretty much, I've had to do the same in the past myself so I know how horrible it is. If shoes are too long for me, when they break in properly, my feet slip back and forth in them and they are uncomfortable for ever and wear out way too quickly too.

At just after 5pm I reluctantly set off to return the scooter. I had almost a whole 2 hours to get it back to Fulham so I thought I'd take a slightly circuitous route and enjoy myself a bit. It was a foolish error, I got quite lost and ended up at Kensal Rise, somewhere I've never been before, with no idea how to get back, so I had to guess where to go by looking at where the rapidly setting sun was. When I eventually arrived in Fulham, it was completely dark and I got to the scooter shop 2 minutes before it closed only to find the back tyre was completely flat! So, somewhere along the way, I had got a puncture and driven some distance on it, without even noticing! Thinking in retrospect, for the last couple of miles, the scooter had seemed a little hard to handle but I put it down to the stress and worry of being a bit lost and possibly having to pay for an extra day's hire. Luckily, I got my £250 deposit back, no problem and I just about got home in time to see my helpful sister to hand over the spare keys to my flat so she can look after my cats while I'm away.

This morning I stepped on my scales to see if I was anywhere near my mini goal and to my shock, I'm bang on target! I know I'll be eating for a couple of days now so I might gain a couple of pounds back, but I'm sure I'll lose it again quickly.

Days 183 - 186

I've been having excellent fun on the hired scooter. On Thursday I had to visit a client over in Muswell Hill and that was quite a pleasant little ride away. By time I was finished there it was dark so I had my first ever ride in the dark on my way back home. The day's dieting went pretty well too, I stuck to 810 with great ease, so I thought at the time. In retrospect I've realised I've missed out my milk allowance each day back on 810 so far. Ooops, it's only been 3 days, I hope I don't make a habit of it.

On Friday I rode down to Berkshire to see some friends and family. It was the furthest I had ridden and it was great fun! There was plenty of dual carriageway and also a few nice twisty B roads. The real darkness and lack of street lighting was slightly intimidating at first but I did OK and I'll get used to it. Most of the people I went to visit had not seen me for over a month and even though my weight-loss since then has been poor as far as I'm concerned, pretty much everyone I saw mentioned how different I look now. My grandma spent my whole visit trying to feed me so I ended up explaining a lot more about CD than I had before and I think she's a bit worried about me now. Hopefully I'll not have withered away to nothing before I next go and see her, that should put her mind at rest. I had a few lectures about losing weight too quickly from a couple of my other friends too and I'm not the sort of person to take the easy way out and just reply with 'I know what I'm doing' so I spent a considerable length of time explaining about CD and how it works to them too. Now, one of them thinks I'm nuts and the other fancies trying it herself!

On the way back to London on Saturday, I tried a different route suggested by my lovely biker friend and it was great, even more dual carriageway than on the way down, I got back quite quickly really. I did take a small detour through Hounslow by accident, I misread the lane markings and ended up coming off the A4 instead of following it all the way to Hammersmith. It wasn't too bad really and I was back on track within a couple of miles, it can't have added more than about 5 minutes to my journey.

Due to being very busy on Friday and Saturday, I managed to stick to the plan with great ease (apart from forgetting the milk allowance) and although I spent most of the day resting, the diet went fine today too. I also stepped on the scales today and I've somehow shifted 3lbs in the 4 days since my official weigh-in!! There's a very real chance I may reach my mini-goal after-all. I think the scooter is doing me good. Thank you Honda!

Days 180 - 182 - CDC Meeting

Things have been up and down again so far this week. I had no work on Monday and again, temptation got the better of me, I only had a little bit of stuffing but it was enough to kick me out of ketosis. I'm seriously disappointed with myself after I'd managed to keep things more or less on track over the weekend but on Tuesday I had another dental appointment and another filling which helped me steer clear of the food and today (Wednesday) I was back in ketosis again.

I had no work today either so I decided to go and hire a scooter for the week so I can have a little more riding practice before I go and do my CBT clutch conversion. Although I can legally ride a geared bike if I want to, I'd feel happier with some extra training and a supervised ride before I buy my own motorbike and go it alone. I went to a really friendly scooter shop in Fulham and hired the 125 version of the scooter I did my CBT on. As I rode away I was pleasantly surprised at how much faster it was than the 50cc version and it took me a little while to get used to the excellent acceleration. I took a very circuitous route back home to Camden thinking I had plenty of time until my CDC meeting but after 1 hour I was still on Edgeware Road getting stuck in traffic. I try to filter through the traffic jams a bit but I'm not confident doing it very often. I'm not quite sure how wide the bike is and some gaps look a bit dangerous to me so I kept it to a minimum and just queued up with all the cars if I didn't feel confident.

I eventually got home at about 5:55, just in time. It had taken me almost an hour and a half to get back but I'd thoroughly enjoyed it, the weather was great and the scooter handled so much better than I expected. My CDC was a little bit late which gave me time to get some tea and relax before my weigh in. Here are the new stats:

• Weight: 14st
  
• BMI: 31.2

It's a poor loss again but it's still better than a gain. I told him how tricky I was finding the diet these days and suggested I tried 810kcals per day for a couple of weeks which he said was pretty much what he was going to suggest to me. He also said that even though my losses have been slow recently, he can really see the change in me, especially in my face which is very encouraging. I must admit the way I'm feeling is still changing even if my weight isn't so much, I still have lots more energy than I used to, I have a general sense of well-being and my poor dodgy knee isn't as painful as it used to be. My weight-loss so far has really helped my self confidence, I would have never got back into motorcycling if it weren't for the diet. However discouraged I feel these days, I'm not quitting CD now and I hope that if I can be a little more consistent with the diet at the 810 level, I may have some better results.

I'm pretty sure I've messed up my mini goal but all is not lost. I might still make it but if not, I promise not to beat myself up too much.

Days 176 - 179

As I'd hoped, the diet went well on Thursday and Friday due to being rushed off my feet but unfortunately, my sleep pattern went a bit crazy too. I had a few nights of insomnia this week and by the end of it I was exhausted and looking forward to the weekend.

On Friday afternoon I went to the dentist and had a filling and although I didn't have particularly bad toothache before the filling, later that day, when the injection wore off, I was in so much pain I wanted to cry every time I moved my face. The paracetamol I took didn't even touch the pain and I couldn't even have my CD soup without agony! I hardly had any sleep at all that night because which ever side I tried to lay on seemed to be the most painful side.

On Saturday I had to go out for most of the day to help boyfriend find a respectable outfit for his dad's wedding that he could feel comfortable in which was a challenge not only because he's a real jeans and t-shirt type of guy who feels completely wrong in a shirt but also because I couldn't speak without the pain bringing tears to my eyes. Luckily we got through it somehow. Boyfriend bought a dark blue pinstriped suit that was nothing like what he had set out to buy but he felt comfortable in it and it actually really suited him and I bought some Solpadeine (on the pharmacists recommendation) which worked a treat and that afternoon I finally managed to get the first bit of proper sleep I'd had for almost a week.

When I woke up, in the very early hours of this morning, I hardly felt any pain at all in my jaw, just a dull ache. My newly filled tooth still seems a bit more sensitive than usual to hot and cold, but it's bearable and isn't putting me off my food and sachets any more luckily. Although I kept really strange hours this weekend, I utilised the time quite well and have pretty much decided what sort of motorbike I'm going to buy and how much it should cost me. If I'm frugal and sensible, I might even be able to hire a bike for this week for some extra riding experience before my helpful biker friend helps me buy one of my own. I've decided not to mess about with scooters though, I'm just going to go ahead and get a geared bike. I passed my CBT on an automatic, but I feel I have enough experience with gears to do OK and the sooner I get some practice in, the sooner I can start thinking about getting my proper motorbike license!

Days 173 - 175

I had a pretty busy day on Monday, a few hours work in the morning, a quick meeting with my boss at lunchtime and an opticians appointment in the afternoon. I barely had enough time to get from one place to another in time, let alone think about eating, so on Monday I stayed on the CD straight and narrow with great ease.

Tuesday was a similarly busy type of day. I went to a new motorbike riding school and finally did my CBT (Compulsory Basic Training) so I can ride on the road as a learner. I've been struggling with geared motorbikes so I did my CBT on an automatic, at the instructor's suggestion. He said if I get some practice on the road with an automatic, it'll help build my confidence and hopefully, when I ride a geared bike again in the near future, I will find it a whole lot easier. He was very right, I went for a couple hours ride with the instructor and a very nice lady and had a really great time, didn't feel stressed in the traffic and passed my assessment with flying colours! My new instructor said a lot of riding schools will try and teach new riders how to ride geared bikes without riding an automatic first and they used to too but they found doing it this way required less visits, cost the rider less and ended up with a more confident and happy learner rider. At first I thought it sounded like a bit of a rip off, but now I completely agree. If I had done it this way originally, I think I could have been on the road ages ago.

Anyway, much to my chagrin, I'm going to have to buy myself a scooter this week. I don't plan to own it more than a month or two and as soon as I feel confident, I'm going to redo my CBT on a geared bike then sell the scooter and buy something a bit more 'motorbike'ish. I did consider hiring a scooter for a while, but I think it'll be a bit of a waste of money. A scooter can't depreciate too much in value over a couple of months and as long as nobody tries to steal it, I should get most of my money back when I sell it on. I think I might have to sell my bike jacket too, it's enormous on me now, even with he quilted lining in it. I know that ladies bike jackets in bigger sizes are quite hard to get so I'm hoping that because I've only worn it about a dozen times and I've looked after it very well, I should be able to get enough for it to buy a smaller one.

Today, I've had a day off and caught up with a bit of housework and computer maintenance. Unfortunately, I got a bit bored and also weakened and ate some pizza. Ho-hum, back on the wagon tomorrow........... I've got another couple of very busy days ahead so hopefully that'll help.

Days 169 - 172

On Thursday I was working from home. Although that sounds like it could be a recipe for dieting disaster, when I work at home I tend to be too preoccupied to think about eating things I shouldn't and I behaved myself pretty well this time despite feeling pretty hungry. Even though I still wasn't in ketosis, I ended the day feeling really positive. Friday was similar to Thursday. I was moderately busy and thought that I would be able to keep things under control quite easily, but when boyfriend made himself a few toasted muffins and found his eyes were bigger than his belly and couldn't finish them all, I needed no persuasion whatsoever and I'm embarrassed to say I ate the last one.

After a good Thursday and a cheaty Friday (damn muffins, why do they have to be so delicious?) I was worried all my good work would go to pot at the weekend but I managed to keep things under control quite easily for a change. Maybe it's because the boyfriend was doing some overtime on Saturday, or perhaps having set goals is really good for me and genuinely helps me focus. I also got to have a look at the menu for boyfriend's dad's wedding reception and it looks fantastic!. There was nothing on there I could eat and still stay within CD rules so I'm just going to let go for the day and enjoy it. I know I can get back on track again the next day. Here's what I'll be having:

• Roast Red Pepper and Tomato soup with herb oil and croutons
• Sea Bass Fillets on herb crushed potatoes with a cherry tomato and creme fraiche sauce
• White Chocolate Cheesecake with raspberry compote

My biggest concern is feeling unwell from all the food that my digestive system isn't used to. I remember my stomach hurting every time I had bread over Xmas, potato and pasta weren't such a problem, but rice and bread made me feel quite sick. I really hope my poor belly can take it because it looks like it's going to be a stunning meal.

Day 168 - CDC Meeting

I had the best night's sleep last night, 10 whole hours, so it looks like my insomnia might be over, well for a while at least. I've had a pleasantly restful day too, there was a quick trip to the shops for a few essentials, a little bit of much needed tidying up and a bit of preparation for tomorrow's work, just catching up with the things I normally don't have time to do.

This evening's CDC meeting went OK, I didn't lose very much weigh at all:

• Weight: 14st 2lb
• BMI: 31.5

but it wasn't a gain so I'm not going to start panicking. I did end up chatting a lot more about motorbikes and computers than dieting, but I'm certainly not disappointed about that.

I've also decided on a new mini-goal to help spur me on. The boyfriend's dad is getting married towards the end of this month and I'd like to feel as comfy in the outfit I've chosen to wear to the wedding as possible so I'm aiming to lose 10lbs by 27th March. It only gives me 3 weeks and a couple of days but I don't see why I can't do it if I try hard enough. I've decided I'm going to eat at the reception but definitely not drink, I think it'll be much easier to get out of drinking than get out of dinner as boyfriend's dad knows I'm not a drinker.

In other CD news, I tried a chocolate tetra frozen then partially defrosted and it was rather nice. It came out a pleasant soft ice-cream type texture and it was the nicest tetra I've had so far.

Days 165 - 167

My sleep pattern is really suffering at the moment, it had become a little irregular a few days ago but now it's blossomed into full-on insomnia. I've had a grand total of about 7 hours sleep over the last 3 nights and still managed to get to work for the last 2 days. I'm pleased and perplexed in equal measures over how I managed to do it but right now, I'm so tired I could cry and it's still only 8pm. Fortunately I have no work lined up for tomorrow so I will spend some time resting and having a tinker with one of my ongoing creative projects and just hope it'll be enough to distract me from food for the day until my CDC meeting in the evening. Although the diet has been going well for the last few days in some respects, I've been so disinterested in eating and so busy and distracted, I've had my small meal during the day but all my CD sachets and bars in the evening in a few hours. It's a terrible habit but I have enough time tomorrow to space them out properly so it shouldn't happen again.

I'm feeling quite nervous about my CDC meeting and weigh-in tomorrow. Last time I weighed myself, a few days ago, I'd actually gained a tiny amount of weight since my last official weigh-in and I've been too afraid to step on my scales since then. I knew the results wouldn't be great due to some cheating and horrible menstrual bloating, but I wasn't expecting an actual weight-gain, just a poor loss. I might weigh myself tomorrow morning just to get a rough idea of what to expect in the evening, but even if I haven't lost anything this week, I know my lovely CDC will find some way to put a positive spin on it. He's great like that!

I'm off to bed now to read my highway code......

Days 161 - 164

My last blog post was a bit miserable because my poor knee gave up on Wednesday and I was feeling really sorry for myself. I missed a day's work and had to spend the next two days doing only a little light exercise. When my knee gets painful, which is not too often these days thankfully, I find the best way to deal with it is a slow stroll and some very gentle exercise rather than complete rest otherwise it seizes up and it takes longer to stop hurting. I went for a wonder to try and get a bra that fits me but after trying on lots and taking home a couple which I had to exchange, I gave up completely. I think I'll just have to make do with my half dozen ill fitting bras for the time being until I settle down into a size that is actually manufactured by humans, maybe that'll be after my TOTM, who knows. I'm not willing to spend days trying to buy simple underwear, I just hope my spine doesn't snap before then because my bust hasn't got any smaller yet, even after losing all this weight. What a swizz!!

I'm feeling horribly pre-menstrual, so horrible in fact, even the boyfriend has run away for the weekend. He's been off work again this week and my diet has gone a bit more awry than usual, what with the PMS and all. I've had a lot to do this week and I was hoping it would help me shift a few pounds but my eating has been bad, I feel all bloated and nasty due to the hormones, my sleep pattern has gone a bit crazy again and I've put on 1lb since my last weigh-in.


Boyfriend's absence has given me a chance to eat sensible stuff for the day, easily within 810kcals rules, and hopefully tomorrow will be similar. If I can keep the diet going at that sort of level until my next CDC meeting on Wednesday, I think I might actually lose some weight!

Days 155 - 160

I've had a shockingly busy time since my last post. I've been up and down like an emotional yo-yo and cheated horribly at the weekend..... again! I've had so much to do I'm pretty sure I've burnt off any excesses quite quickly, but it's no excuse and I wish I could keep it in check. I think the boredom of CD is really getting to me these days rather than hunger. I'm just desperate for other flavours and textures and I almost wish I could start moving up the stages already. The only thing putting me off is the fact that I'm still losing weight at a good rate, even with my regular cheating, I just don't want to go back on the carbohydrates quite yet if I can get away with it.

I guess the fact that this is my 100th post here on this blog is something to celebrate anyway.

Day 154 - Meeting with CDC

Today I've been feeling great. I wore a skirt that I bought at least 3 years ago that I had intended to slim into, I had never been able to fit into it before and now it fits me perfectly. Also, I popped out to grab some cash for my CD sachets and bars and ended up going out for a walk and doing shopping instead because I had so much energy I didn't know how to contain it. I had a good but somewhat motorbike related CDC meeting. I told him I was looking for a motorbike, just a 125, and we had a chat about the different bikes he's had and the upcoming changes to the DAS test, I guess it makes a change from rabbiting on about computers.

I'm incredibly relieved that I've had a good loss this time after a slow month, here are my results:

• Weight: 14st 4lb
• BMI: 31.8

I hardly noticed those 7lb losses at the start of the diet but now, they seem huge and I guess compared to my overall weight, they are quite huge really. For a change, I was willing to accept my CDC's congratulations on my weight-loss, it's been a while since I managed to shift a whole 7lbs in a fortnight, although I did have pangs of guilt at having cheated over the weekends. I guess all my walking is balancing out the extra calories I had, I am curious as to what would happen if I could stick to the diet and maintain my current level of exercise, that's what I'm aiming for between now and my next weigh-in and if I succeed, the results should be great.

Days 152 + 153

After much fiddling about on Monday, I completely failed to solve the problem with the laptop. I solved a few problems the boss didn't know he had and got rid of some registry entries and directories left over by viruses and trojans but I didn't solve the main problem as it turned out it was not a problem with the computer after all, but actually a problem with either the mobile broadband modem or the account. When I went to drop the laptop back to him on Tuesday, I was really expecting disappointment but he was pretty cool about it and I still have a job, in fact, I may be going to his home to sort out his family computer soon.

Later that day I decided to go over to my favourite motorbike kit shop and get a new cheap and cheerful crash helmet. I left around 3pm, the bus journey usually takes about 1.5 hours but the traffic was horrible and I didn't get there until 6:20! It took over 3 hours and I completely missed the shop so I grabbed a bit of food for the boyfriend from the supermarket and headed straight back home. I didn't get home until nearly 9pm, I wasted 6 hours just buying the boyfriend's lunch but at least I didn't have time to eat that day.

Today I figured out how to get to the motorbike shop by tube and DLR and after my afternoon appointment, I tried to get there again. I didn't manage to get out of the house until 4pm and I was a little worried it would be a wasted journey again. However, I got to the shop in just under an hour and had plenty of time to browse. I chose a reasonably priced flip-up helmet but they didn't have any in my size apart from in black (which was a bit of a shock as I'm a medium size) so I went home empty handed and bought one by mail order on-line instead. On the way back I took a detour via Marks and Spencer on Oxford Street and treated myself to some proper thermals. I was very pleasantly surprised to find I only needed a size 16 for the longjohns and although the size 16 top was a little tight on me, I figured as I am still getting smaller and it'll stretch anyway, it should be fine. So it looks like I'm a big size 16 from the waist down about about 18 on top. It's a big difference from when I started, I was about a 20 - 22 bottoms and a 22 - 24 on top! When I think about it like that, it seems like a bit of a miracle but when I think about all the hard work I've put into this diet I'm just glad I did it.

You've probably noticed that I've given the blog a little bit of a makeover. I recently dyed my hair blue-black, just to help me get some work. I didn't want to get rid of my green hair but I need the money so I had to tone things down for a while. Hopefully when my new boss gets to know me a little better, some odd coloured hair can creep back into the picture, maybe a few streaks at a time. I also recently got some new spectacles, I bought them on-line and they were very cheap and have a lovely transparent purple frame. I've added a new photo to my profile and the new blog colour scheme is to reflect my new colour scheme. Hope you like it.

Days 149 - 151

I'm ashamed to say I pretty much had a weekend off the diet. I started off with good intentions and behaved quite well at my brother's birthday sushi lunch but when the offer of my favourite wine came up later that evening I rashly decided on a few slices of pizza to knock me out of ketosis so I could have a couple of glasses of Sauvignon Blanc. The few slices became almost a whole 10" pizza and the couple of glasses of wine somehow became pretty much a whole bottle.

On Sunday I decided that lots of water and lots of walking was the answer to my problems. I must have walked about 10 miles and thoroughly enjoyed it despite a fuzzy feeling, post wine brain. I'm assuming it helped though because on Monday morning I was back in ketosis and weighed 3lbs less than I had before work on Friday morning. I also tried to explain a little more about my diet to my lovely gran seeing as she was kind enough to comment on my weight-loss since I'd last seen her. I explained to her that it was a very low-carb diet with lots of nutritional suppliments, which is fairly accurate I guess, and I managed to wriggle out of eating cake and sandwiches without too much difficulty.

I really think my new job is going to be a big help, I'm going to get way more exercise than I did when I spent most of my time sitting in front of various computers. As long as I can be reasonably good on the diet, my weight-loss might get a bit of a boost. My new boss already seems to like me and hopefully he'll like me even more if I can sort out this laptop he gave me to fix. He also mentioned to me that he might like his website updating too, every little helps. If things keep going like this I might even be able to buy myself a motorbike soon, I have my eye on a Honda Varadero XL125. Even though it's a 125 it looks like a 'grown-up' bike and has a V-twin engine!!! Amazing!

Days 144 - 148

I've been a lazy blogger this week but very busy in the real actual world. I got really fed up with my poor finances recently and in the last few days I decided my casual job-search had to become something a little more effective so I spent a few days applying for every job in sight. I'm only looking for some part time cleaning or something else physical on boring, just to keep things ticking over while the IT stuff is a bit slow.

On Thursday I applied for a local part time cleaning job which seemed ideal and by some strange miracle, it wasn't already taken, I had an interview at lunchtime and a days work today! Today was just an extended interview, sort of. We all went along to clean a house to get it ready for new occupants and the people who worked well would be offered more work and those who didn't do so well would just be paid for that day. I'm quite pleased to say I worked hard, did a good job and have been promised more work and also I've come home with my new boss's wife's laptop to fix too! Hurrah!!

Needless to say, I've been too busy this week to think about eating and I've been a good CDer for most of it. I'm hoping I can find enough to occupy me this weekend to take my mind off eating because weekends are usually pretty hard for me plus. Tomorrow I'm taking my brother out to lunch for his birthday. Luckily he's a big sushi fan so I should be able to eat out with him within SS+ rules if I'm careful. I'm pretty sure a load of tuna sashimi and some daikon hair will be OK.

Days 140 - 143

I seem to be quite good at this diet during the week but every weekend things go a bit wrong and temptation gets the better of me. I never go completely crazy and eat lots of cakes and potato though. I have just about enough self-control to steer clear of the carbohydrates but I eat the wrong types of meat and too many vegetables every time. I know I have some willpower, I managed to do 3 months on CD before Xmas by the book pretty much but that level of control seems to elude me these days.

I find the diet really tough when boyfriend is at home. It's not that I can't cope with watching him eat at all, but I've noticed that if I don't cook for him, he doesn't eat very well and because his job is very physical, he gets run down very quickly so I regularly feed him. The problem is, I end up eating some of what I cook half the time. I've tried feeding him on larger portions of things that are OK for me to eat the diet which does work sometimes but when he fancies a bit of pork, lamb or beef, I will quite often eat it too. I'd say my recent weekend diet is a cross between CD and Atkins and has slowed my weight-loss somewhat but hasn't knocked me out of ketosis.

It's a shame I can't behave myself these days, I'm really starting to feel completely different, like my brain is finally catching up with the changes to my body. I'm trying to find some extra part time work at the moment to keep things ticking over while the computer repairs are a bit thin on the ground so I'm going to throw every thing into my job search this week and hope it distracts me from food long enough to have a proper CD week. I know I can have some pretty spectacular results when I do things properly and I know I have it in me somewhere to do that. I'm hoping that the momentum of a good week will be enough to propel me through the weekend without misbehaving.

Days 137 - 139 - Meeting with CDC

I've not posted for a few days because my life has been quite boring. I've had a little bit of work and a lot of sliding about on slushy ice and snow, much like the rest of the country. More importantly though, I've been just getting on with the diet with minimum fuss and deviation from the plan and today's weigh-in result reflects that I think. Here are my stats:

• Weight: 14st 11lb
• BMI: 32.9

It feels great to be past my halfway point and in the 14s at last, I'm not sure why but I really feel like some sort of milestone has been reached. My CDC was saying it might be because '14 stones' has a sort of normal sound to it, it sort of sounds like a normal sort of weight range to be in and I know exactly what he means. I'm really beginning to feel comfortable with myself, not in an 'I'll just stop here' sort of way, more in an 'I can reach my weight goal, it's not so far away any more' way. I'm just a couple of BMI points away from being out of the 'obese' range and into the 'overweight' range and I'm looking forward to that.

Although I am still losing weight, I feel like I'm not doing as well as I was before my Xmas break. I'm cheating and deviating from the plan far too often so I think it's time for a little extra push. I'm going to set a few mini goals again now so I have something to aim at. I'll have a good hard think about it over the next few days and decide what I want. I still have that cute, stripy, size 16 dress to fit into and last week I picked up some black and grey striped, skinny jeans in a size 14 that I hope to be able to wear when I reach my goal too, but I need some interim goals too just to spur me on a bit.

Days 135 + 136

I've had a busy weekend which means the diet has been pretty easy as I've not had time to think about food. I've also had the great bouncy energetic feeling for the last couple of days so I took advantage of it on Saturday and got some much needed (and much dreaded) shopping done.

I've been having a few problems with my clothes lately, most of them are too big now and seeing as work is a little thin on the ground, I don't have the cash to buy smaller ones right now. I've picked up a few bargains on eBay and in the local charity shops but I've been struggling to find a good, cheap winter coat so I braved my old stomping ground and headed on down to Walworth Road and East Street market and managed to find a waterproof, windproof, bright green jacket in a size 18 for just £10! It's a hiking type jacket and it's extremely warm, well padded and roomy enough on me to wear a good sized jumper underneath too, in fact, it may even be slightly too large.... but it's a huge improvement on the massive size 22 parka coat I was wearing before which was so huge on me it seemed to suck up freezing air from the bottom everytime I moved, and freeze my whole body. Although my new coat is short compared to my old one, it's much warmer and it was cheap enough that I don't mind if it's useless by next winter.

Today was a little more leisurely. I had a little bit of work to do, setting up a new laptop and configuring and securing a wireless router and the boyfriend came home from his weekend away. I cooked him a big dinner and managed to eat a tiny sensible portion of the CD friendly elements. It wasn't totally CD-legal, but it was carb free and a nice small portion so I feel OK about it.

Days 132 - 134

I've come to the conclusion that I'm rubbish at CD when the boyfriend is around. He had a whole week off work this week and we spent a couple of days together, Wednesday and Thursday, between his two weekends away catching up with friends and family. On Wednesday, my eating went horribly wrong, I had a giant burger with salad and chips so the next day, I was completely out of ketosis. On Thursday we went for a look around the Science Museum which was excellent fun and a great distraction from my rumbling stomach. I ate too much that day too but I did manage to stick to a no-carb diet and thankfully, it was enough to get me back into ketosis.

This morning I woke up with that familiar energetic feeling and a distinct lack of hunger so today has been a perfect SS+ day I'm pleased to say. I've had quite a busy time which also helped keep the diet on track but I really have to figure out a way of sticking to plan when boyfriend is around. It's not his fault really, but I need very little encouragement to stray away from the diet. If I say I really fancy something or I have a really strong craving or I really miss a particular food he'll always encourage me to have it, he is always quick to say 'Go on, eat, it'll be OK'. Nine times out of ten I'll tell him off when he says that but too often I'll just eat. I think I'll just have to keep my urges and cravings to myself in future. I think it's a bit of a shame though because sometimes just a little prod in the right direction or a reminder of why I'm doing this would really help me along.

Days 127 - 131

I've been a very lazy blogger lately, sorry about that!

On Friday, I bought a second hand TV from a very nice guy on eBay. When I agreed to buy it, I knew it was a 32inch, wide-screen, CRT (in dark metallic blue with a matching stand, very attractive!) and I knew it would be huge and heavy but I just wasn't prepared for the farce of getting it home in my friend's tiny car and then getting it up to the forth floor of my old, lift deprived, block of flats. Somehow, we managed to get the giant TV into the back-seat of the car and the boyfriend just about managed to fit in next to it, but we had to disassemble the stand to get it into the boot. Boyfriend and I could barely lift the TV between us but we managed to get it across the car park and up all those stairs with just 3 short breaks to allow our blood to circulate back into our fingers. I spent the rest of the afternoon shifting all my furniture around and rewiring my stereo, computer, DVD player, Freeview box and other things so they were all working together again. I had a great work out that day, I did hurt my shoulder a bit but it was much better in a few days

I had no hunger and plenty of energy all weekend and went out every day while the boyfriend was away. I did lots of walking, a few miles per day and even though my knee is a little on the sore side, it hasn't been holding me back as much as it did a few months ago. Although I'm still waiting to hear about my physiotherapy, I've had some real improvements as far as the pain goes, I think it's just happening on it's own as my weight has come down. The only problem is, it started getting bad a couple of years ago and at the time, I weighed about 2 stone less than I do now so I don't really know what set it off again, I'm still hoping I can get some physio or some sort of help with it because if I lose all the weight I am aiming to lose then find myself unable to walk, I can see the weight creeping back up again and I refuse to diet again EVER!

On Sunday I was a bit bored so I decided to get a bus over to the giant Tesco store on Old Kent Road for a bit of shopping and a change of scenery. While I was there, hitching my only fitting pair of jeans up constantly, I decided to buy a cheap pair of jeans to keep me going. I bought some cheap and cheerful, dark blue, skinny jeans in a size 18. Although the jeans I was wearing at the time were a size 18, I convinced myself that they were only too big because they had been severely stretched, I've had them for 3 years and kept wearing them for a while as I put on weight. However, when I got home and tried on my new size 18 jeans, I found they were also too big so first thing on Monday morning, I rode the bus all the way back to south London and exchanged them for the same jeans in a 16 which fit me quite well, there's minimal muffin-topping, in a few weeks they will be perfect but they are quite wearable in the mean-time.

On Tuesday evening, the boyfriend returned. I'd cooked some stewed lamb to help him recuperate from the long train journey and ended up having some with him. Apart from the fact it was lamb, it was an almost CD friendly meal, it was just stewed with some celery, mushrooms and herbs and served with a little purple sprouting broccoli. I'd like to be able to say I had a sensible portion but seeing as it was lamb, it wasn't very sensible period. It was delicious though!

Day 126

I feel a lot better today than I have in a while, in fact I feel pretty positive for a change. I woke up very early this morning after an 11 hour sleep feeling incredibly well rested for the first time in a couple of weeks. I jumped on the scales first thing when I got up and found I was below the 15 stone mark again which means that come next official weigh-in, I should be comfortably in the 14s and I can't even begin to explain how excited I feel about that! I've made a pledge to myself to play it by the book this week and see how well I can do. All the encouraging things my CDC was telling me yesterday were really starting to sink in today and I feel happy about how much weight I've managed to lose so far. It may be coming off a little slowly at the moment but it's still coming off and it'll probably come off a little faster now I'm feeling more in control.

As the day wore on I realised that I wasn't feeling half as hungry as I have been lately so maybe my difficult phase is over, and not a moment too soon. Over the last 2 weeks I was having more cheating days than good CD-er days and only the guilt of my bad behaviour was preventing me from losing the plot completely. Today I feel refreshed and positive and am starting to feel like my weight goals are achievable again. To further push the point, I decided to try on some of the clothes I was wearing at the start of this diet with hilarious results. I knew that my favourite striped trousers would fall right off so I tried on some jeans that were a little too tight when I was at my largest and they too fell right off in a comical fashion. I tried on a couple of tops too but the effect isn't so spectacular as my bust doesn't appear to have shrunk at all yet.

Feeling buoyed by my comical trouser experience I treated myself to a SS+ appropriate chicken portion for breakfast followed by a cappuccino mousse with a sprinkle of cinnamon. The mousse turned out so delicious I made my boyfriend taste it and he was pretty impressed too. I had a cranberry bar at lunchtime and because I didn't have any veg with my chicken, I dry-fried them with a few herbs and spices and turned my last soup of the day into a 2 course meal. I spread my food across the day enough to not feel deprived at all and I feel so relieved to have got through the day without even feeling tempted to cheat.

My last goal of the day is to stay awake late enough for EastEnders.... nearly there!

Days 124 +125 - Meeting with CDC

Tuesday was another struggle to stay in control of my hunger. I'd been awake since 10pm the previous evening and by time it got light, I was feeling pre-menstrual, starving and exhausted already. I had arranged to go and visit my sister on Tuesday evening so I ate some beef and salad at lunchtime then around 3 that afternoon I decided to have a couple of hour's nap to see me through the day but it went a bit wrong and I managed to sleep for 10 hours solid. I finally woke at almost midnight to find I'd managed to disable my alarm clock in my sleep.

Today has been a little easier. Even though my day started at midnight I somehow managed to stay up until my CDC meeting at 6pm. Here are my new stats:

• Weight: 15st 1lb
• BMI: 33.5

I don't feel great about the result. It's a pretty poor loss and a disappointment as I had weighed under 15st when I first woke up. My CDC refused to let me feel bad about it though and pointed out that I was around my halfway mark now which is definitely something to feel happy about but I'm not feeling it right now. Maybe after a proper night's sleep I'll feel more like celebrating.

Day 123

My suspicions were correct, I definitely have PMS now. I have had that familiar red meat craving for a couple of days and my sleep pattern has gone completely crazy, I'd been awake since yesterday early afternoon and went to sleep about 4pm this afternoon. Even though I've been in ketosis for the last few days, I've still been feeling incredibly tired (although I've been failing miserably to sleep) and very hungry but only for very specific foods so today I had a nice little rare steak and a pile of wilted spinach. Not really very CD-legal but it certainly hit the spot. I went for a nice little walk this afternoon to keep myslf awake and to try and burn some of the weekend's excesses off, just a couple of miles, nothing drastic, but I felt so tired when I got back I had to go to sleep. I was hoping to sleep for about 10 - 12 hours which would have meant I'd woken up at an almost reasonable time but I woke up at 10pm so I don't quite know how I'm going to cope with my busy day tomorrow

Also, I stepped on the scales earlier to find I've put on 2lbs since I weighed myself last Wednesday. I don't think it's diet related, I think it's more PMS related. I think when my official weigh-in comes this Wednesday it will still show a loss, just not a very big one.

Days 120 - 122

I seem to be developing bad weekend habits which I strongly suspect are a lot to do with hanging about with the boyfriend and watching him eating. Although I found some days over the last week quite tough, I seem to struggle more at the weekends. At least this weekend wasn't as bad as the last one. I made fairly sensible non-carb food choices this time and had all the CD sachets I was supposed to have, but I ate fatty meats like lamb and beef and had far too many vegetables. I think my TOTM is due very soon too, which doesn't help one little bit, but at least I don't turn into a chocolate monster like some of my friends do.

Next Saturday the boyfriend is going away for a long weekend, he won't be back until Tuesday so it'll give me a chance to try and behave a little better without someone eating things I can't have around me.

I'll get the weekend munchies under control somehow!

Days 117 - 119

Well, my keeping busy plan worked beautifully and I'm relieved to be back in ketosis properly as of today. Although I had plenty to keep me busy the last couple of days, I was still feeling quite hungry and really found sticking to CD very hard indeed.

While I was working yesterday, my lovely new client brought me a cup of tea and a biscuit but because I was busy and distracted I didn't really register the biscuit and didn't get a chance to say 'Thanks but no thanks'. As soon as I had a spare second I grabbed the tea for a swig then took a big bite from the biscuit without even thinking! As soon as I started to crunch it up, I sort of realised what I was doing by which time it was too late to do anything but spit it out. As you can imagine, there was no way I was gobbing out half chewed biscuit at a new client's home so I silently cursed myself and finished off every buttery crumb.

Today was back to CD normal, food was so far from my mind that I actually forgot to have a sachet before I went out to do some work and I forgot to take any bars or tetras with me so I didn't get anything at all until the evening. It's not something I make a habit of, I'm usually quite good at having my CD meals even when I don't want them but I was just too busy to fit everything in today. I do love a good bit of ketosis!

Oh, and my hair is a deep shade of racing green now, I love it.

Days 114 - 116

I spent the whole weekend feeling really run-down and miserable. I spent many hours sleeping and I ate lots of things I shouldn't have too, things I don't even particularly like. I'm not too sure what came over me, maybe the hard week I'd had just all caught up with me at once or something like that. I spent a lot of last week looking for a job and feeling really stressed out. Things have been really slow on the work front for a couple of months now but they always get even slower just after Xmas so I've been hunting for a boring job like cleaning, just to keep things ticking over. The problem is, because I've been self-employed for a while I don't have any recent employer references and a lot of employers don't accept references from clients for some annoying reason. I'm just going to try and hunt down a temp agency that isn't too fussy about these things, there's bound to be one, and get some boring manual work for a while otherwise the CD is going to become an unaffordable luxury for me.

I was expecting to have a heck of a job getting my diet back on track after my weekend of frivolity but today I've been feeling quite normal and I've hardly been hungry at all! I've had an almost perfect SS+ day, just a sausage over the top. I've got some work lined up for the next few days so that should help keep me too busy to eat hopefully and I am going to see a brand new client on Wednesday so I'm going to give my hair a fresh coat of green tomorrow, that never fails to perk me up.

Days 111 - 113

I've had a few tough but manageable days, I've eaten slightly too much each day but I've made sensible choices so I'm not too upset with myself just a little disappointed really. Although I've started each day in ketosis I seem to get very hungry indeed by the evening and have done a ketostix test each evening only to find I'm not in ketosis any more, consequently, my dinners have been a little on the generous side.

I'm just going to grit my teeth and keep going and hope I can pull it together over the weekend.

Also, my nifty red boots turned up in the post today. I was sensible enough to order them in 2 different sizes in the hope that one of them would fit my big, wide feet. One pair was much too big but the other pair was a little small but wouldn't cripple me and wouldn't have been too hard for me to break in, the only problem was they weren't red! They were a nasty, dull, dark burgundy colour and nothing like the lush, shiny, blood-red colour they looked on the website so they are going straight back to the shop and I'll just have to keep searching...

Day 110 - Meeting with CDC

I had a nice cheerful meeting with my CDC today which ended up being somewhat computer related much to my nerdy delight. I'll happily chat about computers for hours at the drop of a hat and I'm always glad to be able to help people with their computer related problems, maybe that's why I'm not rich yet. Anyway, here are my stats for this week:

• Weight: 15st 3lb
• BMI: 33.9

I've only lost a pound but that's still pretty impressive considering how much quiche and pork I ate in the last 2 weeks. I'm also really feeling in control of my diet now too, more than I have in a while, which is fortunate as I'm still feeling pretty hungry and am praying for ketosis to come soon.

I'm also starting to think I'm losing a bit of hair at the moment. It doesn't look thinner, I do have very thick hair anyway so it would take a long time for that to happen, but there has seemed to be lots more than usual on my hairbrush for the last week or so. I'm not upset but I am a little disappointed, I had quite a drastic haircut a couple of weeks ago, from small-of-the-back length to around shoulder length. If I'd known it was going to start falling out, I may have gone for an even more drastic cut!

Days 108 + 109 - Back on 810 kcals

Well I'm not quite doing SS+ yet as I had hoped, but I've been on about 810kcals per day for this last 2 days and I'm pretty pleased with myself because I'm starting to feel like I have some self-control again. I'm not in ketosis yet though so I'm feeling ravenous but last time I was on 810kcals, I went into ketosis so it should be coming soon.

Because of my non-CD behaviour over the last few weeks, I still have loads of sachets, a couple of tetras and even a few bars left over, in fact, I easily have enough for the next 2 weeks. My CDC is still coming over tomorrow for a weigh-in and a chat but I won't be buying any more CD stuff until the following meeting. I'm a bit relieved to be able to save the cash, after buying so many prezzies for my family I'm completely flat broke at the moment and judging by the amount of work I've been getting lately, everyone else is skint too.

Usually I'll weigh myself the day before a CDC meeting but I daren't today. I'm just going to wait until he's here if I can stand the suspense.

Day 107

Today went pretty much as planned. I ate slightly too much again but it was pure, lean, protein so I'm not worried at all. I'm fairly confident I should be back on SS+ tomorrow and hopefully I'll be in ketosis too. My distraction plan worked well too, I braved Oxford Street today and it was very distracting indeed in a terrifying sort of way. I got a refund on my cute red boots and when I got home, I ordered some similar ones (but in a wide fit) from good old fashionworld.co.uk and they were £20 cheaper too!!

Days 105 + 106

For the last 2 days, I've still been struggling to get back to the plan and failing miserably. I'm not sure why I'm finding it so difficult but maybe I'm subconsciously dreading the carb withdrawal stage. I nearly lost my mind the last time I had to go through that, I'm really no good at hunger and that's one of the reasons I ended up so overweight in the first place.

Although I have eaten more that I should have for a good CD day today, it has all been protein and vegetables so hopefully, cutting down the quantities tomorrow won't feel so difficult. Maybe I'll even be back in ketosis again soon, that would be a real relief! Tomorrow, I plan to go out for as much of the day as possible, hopefully that'll distract me from food long enough to get a grip at last.

Regular readers of my blog will know I have real trouble getting shoes that fit me and I've needed some smartish/neutral footwear for work for a while now. I bought some very cute red boots yesterday in the sale but however much I try to tell myself they will stretch a bit, I don't think I have a chance of breaking hem in without crippling myself and ruining the boots. They actually make my toes go numb after 5 minutes of wear, that'll teach me for thinking a D width could ever fit me. I'm going to spend tomorrow wondering around every shoeshop I can find in the hope that one of them caters for wide footed lasses like me.

Oh I hate shopping!