Day 43 - Breakthrough

Several times over the last week I've mentioned how much more energetic I feel compared to my pre-CD self and today was no exception. I didn't have to go out to work today, I was supposed to be doing a bit of research for someone but I couldn't sit still long enough to get anything done at all! I bounced around the flat randomly starting various household tasks and then getting distracted and wandering off. I started loads of things but finished nothing because I really just wanted to go out but had nowhere to go. I know a lot of ladies would go out window shopping or something but I hate real shopping more than enough and non-buying shopping is a total waste of time as far as I'm concerned.

Despite my boredom today, I wasn't tempted to eat once! I went out to the supermarket very briefly to grab a few essentials and bought some of boyfriend's favourite foods without feeling hard-done-by even for a second, I didn't even take a detour round the supermarket to look at all my favourite things that I couldn't have. I really feel like I've reached a level of comfort with this diet, it just feels normal. I remember reaching a similar mindset when I gave up smoking, it was the feeling of not having to try hard not to smoke any-more, one day I just felt like I was a non-smoker and that's not dissimilar to the way I feel about CD now. I have had the occasional panicked moment since I started CD, when I think of how much weight I have to lose but as I'm about ¼ of the way there now, I can actually see my goal in my mind's eye, and it's getting closer!

I'm a bit embarrassed about how worried and miserable I felt yesterday. I blame my hormones.

Day 42

I'd read on the www.cambridgedieters.com forum that some CDers are very sensitive to carbs and can't have the bars because it kicks them out of ketosis. I assumed that I wouldn't have this problem seeing as I went into ketosis when I was on 810kcals per day and I stayed in ketosis even after my frankfurter and toast error. I happily chomped my way through my bar yesterday without a care in the world but I woke up this morning feeling so hungry I had to have a soup sachet immediately and even that didn't help me. I went out for a few hours but I was so hungry I had to come home quickly, before I gave in and bought myself something to eat. As soon as I got home I had a mousse then did a Ketostix test and it showed that I was still in ketosis but I was still so hungry. I just did my best to keep busy and drink plenty and even though I didn't eat anything today, I still feel like I've let myself down. I know I can't control how I feel really but I feel a bit of a failure somehow.

I know that I really shouldn't let myself get stressed out about these things. When I started this diet, I really didn't think I would still be doing it 42 days later, I didn't think I would manage to lose 1½ stones in the first 6 weeks and I certainly didn't think I would ever get through a whole day without any food, let alone almost a week. The last couple of days I've been finding that I can see a difference when I look in the mirror and my clothes are getting nice and roomy too. I just need to learn to focus on my achievements when I'm finding it hard. I think I might have a bit of a surf around some on-line shops and gaze at some cute things I can wear when I reach my goal weight, that might cheer me up and stop me moping.

Day 41 - Meeting with CDC

I had another very positive meeting with my CDC today and not just because he brought me sweeties to eat either! I got an opportunity to explain my sleep situation to him properly and we came to the conclusion that in the sort of situation that I found myself in on Saturday night, the best thing to do would be to have an extra sachet instead of straying into food territories. That way things stay more controlled but I still get the extra I need for such an unnaturally long day. Although I am quite disciplined about this diet, if I chose to have an SS+ type meal in these circumstances, I might find it more difficult to go back to SS afterwards so I'll stick to the sachets and bars to be on the safe side.

I also had my official weigh in. Here are my new stats:

• Weight: 17st 1lb
  
• BMI: 38

I've lost a half stone in 2 weeks even though it's my TOTM. With any luck, I'll have have a better loss by the next weigh in as not only will I have only been on SS, but also I will have lost that little bit of extra hormonal water retention that I have now. In the back of my mind I had set myself a little mini goal of getting down to 15st by Christmas but had assumed I had no chance, I now think I have a very real chance of not only achieving this goal but I might even lose more. It's a shame I'm not planning on going anywhere nice over the festive season to show off.

As soon as CDC left, I tried one of the bars. I had recently read a very interesting thread on the www.cambridgedieters.com forum about problems some dieters had with these bars. One lady found that the first time she tried one, she lost the plot and ate about 5 in one sitting! Many people find they get terrible, painful gas problems and/or a feeling of uncomfortable over fullness but some of these people find if they cut the bar into pieces and eat it over a couple of hours, they don't have any trouble with it. I decided that as it was my first bar it was better to be safe than sorry so I chopped a Malt Toffee bar into 8 chunks and ate it slowly. The flavour wasn't too bad at all, not as sweet as I expected, and the texture was quite nice and 'fudge-ish', but it had a metallic after-taste similar to the shakes, easily remedied by a mug of white tea with a stick of cinnamon in it. I slowly chomped my way through 6 of the pieces but was feeling very full so I took a break of almost an hour before I had the last 2 chunks. I don't think I could eat one every single day but it did make a welcome change. I'm quite looking forward to trying the other flavours.

I'd just like to say a quick thanks to everyone reading this blog (including my CDC), I've received some really nice encouraging messages and I appreciate every single one. Also, I'd like to bring your attention to the Useful Links section on the right, I've added a new link to a blog by a Lighterlife dieter. It's a very similar diet to Cambridge and works on all the same principles. This particular blog is incredibly well written and is one of the blogs that helped me make the decision to start CD.

Day 40

I realised something today that made me feel very happy indeed. When I was first starting this diet, I decided that as a minimum weight-loss goal I would aim for around 12st. Although to some people this might seem quite heavy, I am a big build and I was quite muscular and fit in those days from having a physical job, more to the point, I was happy, healthy and comfortable in my own body, so that's what I'm aiming for. If I get there and I'm sill not satisfied, I can always just try and shed a few more lbs seeing as I know I can do it now, and just stop when I feel right. Anyway, being the day before my official weigh in, I decided to weight myself and see how I was doing, I'm 16st 13lbs, I'm actually below 17st! While I was being all smug about it it dawned on me that I'm already a quarter of my way to my goal weight! I know it wasn't an accurate weigh because I did it first thing in the morning, but I'VE ALREADY LOST A QUARTER OF THE WEIGHT I NEED TO LOSE!!!!! Even though the rate of my weight-loss will probably slow down gradually, I should be at my goal by my birthday, end of April and I'm starting to look forward to my first slim summer in years.

I don't really feel or look any smaller yet, but I must be because some of my clothes are a little more comfortable and none of my underwear fits me any more so yesterday I went out to Marks and Spencer to buy some cheapish new undies. I decided it would be a good idea to get measured properly for a bra but the nice measuring lady told me I actually needed a bigger size than I was wearing already! I totally ignored her recommendation and bought one 2 chest sizes smaller than the one I was wearing and stuck with the same cup size and it fitted me perfectly so I don't know what was wrong with her tape measure! I was going to buy some pants too but they seem to have stopped doing the cut I prefer, I used to buy the boy-cut shorts but they only have low rise shorts these days. Hopefully I'll have more choice when I'm a size or two smaller, I'm not a fan of the giant granny pant but I'm not ready for skimpy little frillies either.

In other CD news, I'm on my third day without proper food and I feel remarkably good. I'm feeling so full of energy, I'm actually having to hold myself back because my poor old knee is giving me some trouble, partly due to overdoing things recently and partly the terrible cold, damp weather. Hopefully I'll hear from the physiotherapy people soon, I think it my doctor referred me about a month ago but I live in a very overpopulated part of London and appointments and things always seem to take ages. A soon as I get the knee thing sorted out a little I can get a bit more active and with any luck it'll help speed up my weight-loss (or at least my inch-loss).

Day 39

My cunning plan of saving my last sachet for just before bedtime worked fine last night so I'm doing the same again today. I had my first sachet late morning and didn't have another until 10pm, I just swigged water all day and I didn't feel hungry at all, although I did gaze lovingly at every manky, fast-food chicken joint I went past on the bus. I blame my hormones.

I had a brief little chat with my CDC today and mentioned the insomniac hunger problem to him and he suggested I try out the bars this time as they are easy to split up and some people find them more satisfying. I know I've only been on SS for a couple of days but I'm already looking forward to having something CD-legal to chew on, the mix-a-mousse is good too but the more variety I can get in this diet, the more likely I am to be able to stick to it. I was thinking of asking to try the new porridge sachets but according to some posters on the www.cambridgedieters.com forum, it's incredibly sweet so I don't think I would like it, I might still try it out some day though.

Day 38

Well, after yesterday's blog, things went a bit wrong again. I managed to get to bedtime without eating or feeling hungry, I had all my sachets and plenty of liquids and was feeling so pleased with myself. I went to bed around midnight feeling tired and happy but at 2am I was still awake and starting to feel very hungry indeed. I drunk some more water but it didn't help at all, I had a cup of bouillon but it didn't make any difference and by 3:30 I was starting to feel a bit sick so I decided I had to do something about it. I mulled it over for a few minutes, I wasn't sure if I should have a small SS+ type meal or if I should have an extra sachet so I wondered down to the kitchen to ponder and my cats all mobbed me and pretty much made a decision for me. I split a can of tuna with them and had a few slices of cucumber with it and although it wasn't much, it really hit the spot. I managed to get to sleep at about 5am and got a good 6 hours of sleep, although I was a bit confused when I woke up, due to forgetting about the clocks changing.

I'm not going to beat myself up about my mini meal last night. It was a carefully thought out cheat and because I have this kind of sleep problem quite often, I'm going to have a chat about it with my CDC when I see him on Wednesday and hopefully he can help me come up with a plan of what to do on 'insomnia' nights. I know that in my pre-CD life, sleepless nights were times when I often over ate, partly because I get really hungry when it's been 8 hours since dinner but also for comfort. Ask any insomniac, it's a lonely and frustrating problem!

Things have been going a lot better today. Because I woke up late, I didn't have my first sachet of the day until early afternoon. I treated myself to a toffee and walnut, blended up with loads of ice into an ice-cream type texture. It was pretty darn delicious but I noticed there was the same grim after-taste as I had noticed with the mousses. I know it's not just with this flavour, I've had it with the chocolate and the vanilla too, but I discovered today that the flavour of white tea disguises it quite well, which is a relief as although I have more soups than shakes in general, I think limiting myself to soup only would only lead to chocolate disaster!

It's nearly midnight now and I've just had my final sachet of the day; a nice warm potato and leek soup, good fake comfort food. I'm tired and feeling quite full so hopefully, there shouldn't be a repeat of last night. I'd better nip off to bed quickly while I'm still tired.....

Days 36 + 37 - First day on Sole Source

Yesterday was actually my first day on Sole Source but I messed it up horribly so it doesn't really count. I started the day feeling really positive and raring to go, I had to go out to work late morning so I had a soup sachet and a pint of water before I went out as I wasn't sure what kind of time I would be home again. I sensibly popped a soup sachet into my bag and took a litre bottle of water with me which I drunk half of while I was out. When I got back home, 4 hours later, I put the water bottle into the fridge and noticed that there were some frankfurters in there. I knew the pack had been open for a couple of days already and started thinking about whether they would still be edible when boyfriend got back after the weekend. Unfortunately, I let my mind dwell on the food way too long and in the end I talked myself into eating them with some buttered toast and mustard. I felt such a fool, I had been doing so well with SS+ and now I had potentially knocked myself out of ketosis on my first day on SS. I spent the whole afternoon and evening kicking myself for my stupidity and feeling really hungry too.

This morning, after a soup breakfast and plenty of water, I decided to do a Ketostix test to see what kind of damage I had done with yesterday's toast idiocy. I've been told it's not a good idea to do these tests first thing in the morning because I am likely to be dehydrated, so I waited until early afternoon. The indicator went a good bright pink immediately which means I'm definitely in ketosis! The result really helped me feel better about myself after yesterday's stupidity and helped reinforce my resolve to be a good dieter from now on. I just have to take this a day at a time, every day I stick to SS is a few more ounces of fat burned. As long as I look at every day I stick to it as a success and a step in the right direction instead of allowing myself to focus on feelings of deprivation, I know I can do this. And if sometimes I am desperate to feel hard done by, I can just remind myself that it is actually my fault I have this much weight to lose and I deserve a bit of deprivation for being such a greedy fool. There, I've got it covered from both angles, I'll be fine!

My afternoon ended up being a blur of housework, computer maintenance and a much needed catch-up session on my accounts and I completely forgot about lunch so I had a toffee and walnut mousse about 7pm. I'm very fond of the mix-a-mousse but I find it has a revolting after-taste, no matter how much or what I drink after eating it. This after-taste starts off as a sort of ashy flavour and develops into a slightly metallic or bloody taste. I'm quite sure the mix-a-mousse didn't have this weird after-taste the first couple of times I had it and if my brain is not deceiving me, the taste is getting slightly stronger each time, it's quite unpleasant and a little off-putting but I still plan to get more next time I see my CDC.

So it's after 8pm now and I've still got one more sachet to get through today and because I only had my last one about an hour ago, I can treat myself to a lovely hot chocolate closer to bed-time, or perhaps a hot vanilla with a little cinnamon and nutmeg. mmmmmmm.....

Day 35

It's my last day on SS+ and I've quite enjoyed it really, but as with the other steps, I've been finding it quite difficult to fit in all the food and sachets I'm supposed to have, I'd guess that's one of the joys of ketosis. Today and yesterday were both good examples of this.

I didn't feel hungry at all in the morning so after a mug of delicious, fresh brewed, black, Columbian coffee, some iced water and a cup of white tea, I ended up having my breakfast sachet nearer to lunchtime. I cooked some dinner as soon as I'd finished work and ate a rather delicious meal of Quorn fillets which I had poached in a little low-salt stock with sage and parsley, also I placed some sprout tops on top of the fillets so they cooked in the steam from the stock. It was delicious and I drank all the herby stock too! I had a chocolate mousse for dessert and a bit later on I remembered I still had to have one more sachet so I forced down a chicken and mushroom soup and felt overfull and a bit sick..... I really hope that I don't feel overfull on SS, if I do, I'm going to have to start splitting sachets into 2 helpings

I've been feeling quite conflicted today all in all. I'm looking forward to SS but I have a feeling of trepidation because living on no food at all just isn't natural!

As this is my non CDC week, I had an unofficial weigh in today and I've lost about 4lbs in the last week. I'm quite pleased with that but I hope I lose more on SS.

Day 34

The liquid problems of the last couple of days are a distant memory now, I was incredibly thirsty all day today so I drank plenty and spent a considerable length of time in the loo accordingly.

I wasn't very hungry in the morning so I didn't have my first sachet of the day until lunchtime but after that, I was suddenly ravenous so I ate the piece of poached chicken I'd saved for today's dinner. Unfortunately, it didn't help much but I had to go out so that helped to distract me a little.

While I was out I treated myself to one of those little, battery-powered milk-frothers thinking it would help me make mousses a bit more moussey. After my mini salad (with no chicken!) I decided to make myself a toffee and walnut mix-a-mousse but it didn't go too well. First, I forgot to put mix mousse powder with the sachet before I put it into the water so it went lumpy immediately, then I found that my lovely, new, little, battery-powered milk-frother wouldn't work in something that thick anyway. I had to swiftly break out the big mixer and I managed to convert it from something resembling cottage cheese into something quite edible with just a few little lumps in.

Because I missed breakfast, I still had one sachet left so I'm sitting here right now with a lovely mug of hot chocolate shake with a sprinkle of cinnamon in it. These sweet shakes really make me thirsty usually and even more so when I have them hot so I'm probably going to have more water between now and bedtime and just hope it doesn't mess up my sleep. I'm working from home tomorrow but I'm working all day, 09:00 until 17:30 (which is quite unusual for me) so I can't afford to have sleep problems tonight.

Days 32 and 33

I've had a tedious couple of days CD-wise.

My food and sachet consumption has been OK but I've been struggling to drink enough for some reason. It's quite a surprise to me as I've always been a big fan of water and I have plenty of my favourites around here; green, white, lapsang and peppermint tea. Yesterday I just about got through the recommended 2.25 litres plus a little extra to compensate for the mousse, I think I had about 5 pints altogether but it felt like 5 bucketfuls! Today has been even worse, I've had 3 pints and I still have at least one more to get through but I already feel like I've drunk a few gallons. I feel bloated and horrible.

I'm sort of hoping it's PMS related. My menstrual cycle is and always has been horribly irregular but it could well be that time as my chocolate and cheese cravings are unreasonably strong. A couple of days ago I had a chocolate shake sachet made up as a mousse and I enjoyed it way more than I've ever enjoyed a chocolate sachet before. However, I am not usually a big fan of them so I only bought a few, I tend to prefer the toffee and walnut flavour so I have loads of them but just 2 chocolate. I'll just have to be careful and use them wisely and hopefully I'll avoid the traditional TOTM chocolate frenzy.

Day 31

After yesterday's smugness, I was bound to mess up today really. At least I only did it to the tune of a couple of spoonfuls of duck and orange pate. I managed to ignore all the bread and oat crackers in the house that would have gone so perfectly with it, so I don't feel too bad. I'll just forget about it and get on with my diet. I did a Ketostix test a few minutes ago and I'm still in ketosis and I'm relieved!

Day 30

I know I don't usually blog on a Saturday, but I just wanted to have a quick gloat about how well my CD day has gone. Most of the day went boringly well. I had a couple of soups with a little added psyllium husk, some green tea, black coffee and about a litre and a half of water - textbook stuff.

For dinner I cooked some turkey breast pieces with celeriac, mushrooms and some broccoli. I browned off the turkey with some 1kcal oil spray then poached it in a little water with diced celeriac and some sage and rosemary. When that was almost cooked, I put in the sliced mushrooms and the broccoli cut into small pieces, stirred it all together and then pulled out the meat and kept it on a warmed plate. When the rest of the veg was cooked, in just a couple of minutes, I removed it from the cooking liquid then reduced the liquid down to just a few spoonfuls. I dished up the meat and vegetables, a small portion for me and the rest for the boyfriend, then I poured the reduced cooking liquid over my helping. It was one of the nicest dinners I've had for ages!

And as if that joy wasn't enough, I cooked some oven chips for the boyfriend but misjudged the quantity and made enough for both of us. After we had eaten our meal, I was looking at the still warm leftover chips. I picked one up and thought 'I could just eat a couple of these, what harm could it do?' just as boyfriend came in and saw me standing there, chip in hand.

"I really want to eat these," I said " I think I will."
"I'm sure it'll be alright" he replied "there are only a few, it'll be fine."

I was just about to put it in my mouth then I remember those starving days last weekend when I was close to tears and ready to eat my own pets. I turned around, put the chip back on the plate, put the plate out of sight and left the kitchen feeling so damned pleased with myself.

A little later, I managed to make a perfect toffee and walnut flavour mix-a-mousse too. I think maybe the water wasn't cold enough the first time I tried it or something. It came out a perfect, quivering, gelatinous dessert of joy this time and it was delicious too! I guess that's my reward for not going chip crazy. I've found I need to have some water handy when I have mix-a-mousse though, it seems to dry my mouth out more than the shakes usually do. It's not a problem though, in fact it's quite useful really.

Day 29 - First day on SS+

A few days ago I bought a whole kilo of psyllium husk for a bargain price from a very reliable trader on Ebay and it arrived yesterday. I don't usually suffer from constipation and I don't intend to start so I thought it was better to start taking precautions as soon as I can, rather than deal with it if when it's too late. I tried it out in one of my soup sachets yesterday and it wasn't unpleasant at all, in fact you could hardly tell it was there so I decided to have a little bit in every sachet from now on. This morning I made myself a broccoli and cheese soup sachet but made the stupid mistake of adding the psyllium before I blended the soup. Consequently, I ended up with a huge bowl of inedible, puke coloured slime! I tried to eat it but the texture was so nasty I just couldn't swallow it without it coming straight back up again, it's the first CD sachet I've had to throw away. So my tip of the day is: mix your soup/shake, THEN add psyllium and stir/whisk it in until it is just combined. DON'T BLEND PSYLLIUM HUSK!!!!!

I decided to treat myself to some better scales today. The scales I already have seem to be increasingly unreliable. When I was weighing myself on Wednesday, you could see the needle on the scales moving as I shifted my weight and even when I sighed! Also, my sister and one of my friends told me that they show a completely different weight from their own scales at home, so seeing as I had to go to Argos anyway, I bought some big, solidly made, mechanical, doctor's type scales. As soon as I got home I excitedly unpacked them, carefully calibrated them, stepped on and I sort of wish I hadn't. I weight about 6lbs more than I thought I did! I really don't know what to do about it, should I start using them or stick to the rubbish ones I've been using so far? I think I might sulk about it for a while before I make up my mind.

Apart from the morning's slimy mishap and my horrible scales shock, the rest of the day went fine. No hunger, plenty of water and my tiny little 200kcals meal was shockingly filling, in fact, I struggled to finish it. I'm going to see how I feel over the weekend and if I'm still struggling with SS+, I might go right onto SS and see how that goes.

Day 28

I had a nice little meal with one of my sisters last night and got a proper opportunity to explain to her what this diet is about. I also told her that I had lost almost a whole stone in the 4 weeks I've been on it and I think she actually understands now, which is a relief as she had pretty sceptical about it when I first told her I was planning to do it. Whenever I mentioned the diet to her in conversation, she would suddenly go into her 'sympathetic' voice, I really think she thought I was just going to starve myself!

Also, she clocked the little dress I bought on Ebay a couple of weeks ago hanging from some shelves in my living-room. That dress only cost a few quid and it is second hand, but it's the sort of thing I miss being able to wear, so I have it hanging there as my 'carrot'.

The dress is a size 16, the size I hope to be at the end of CD. The colours are lot nicer in real life, it's quite vibrant and autumnal with the occasional purplish stripe. It's that kind of shape that doesn't suit blobby people like me, I really look forward to being more woman shaped again.

Today went so smoothly it hardly deserves a blog. I had all my sachets, plenety of water and the meal like a good dieter, even though I wasn't hungry. Hopefully the lack of hunger means I won't struggle when I start SS+ tomorrow. I do love a nice bit of ketosis!

Day 27 - Meeting with CDC

I wasn't hungry again today, getting through my sachets did feel like a bit of a chore but I managed 1 at around mid morning and another early afternoon, saving the last one until after my CDC had been to see me so I could try out the Mix-a-mousse and I'm so glad I did! I had a cappuccino shake mix-a-mousse, although it was more a blancmange type texture rather than mousse (I may need more practice making them) it was really nice and a welcome change.

Apart from the new-found joys of mousse, the meeting with my CDC went very well. Here are my stats for this session:

• Weight: 17st 8lb
  
• BMI: 39.5

This means I've lost almost a whole stone in 4 weeks and my BMI is below 40, I'm so pleased! CDC told me that I've done really well, especially for someone who isn't even on SS yet which pleased me even more. I also told him I wasn't hungry any more and what an utter relief that was to me after the tricky times I've had over the last couple of weeks. He confirmed to me that it means I'm in ketosis which I did know really but it's great to hear from someone who knows.

As I'm doing pretty well so far on 810kcals, I've decided to go down to Sole Source Plus for a week, which is very similar to what I'm having now but with a smaller meal. Hopefully it shouldn't be to difficult for me to adjust and it might speed up my weight-loss very slightly, which would be very nice too. Then the following week, I plan to start proper Sole Source and with any luck, it won't be too traumatic as I've eased myself into it slowly. Lots of the people find themselves unable to stop picking at food when they first start SS and consequently, they stay hungrier for longer and occasionally they give up because they can't cope with the starvation any more! Seriously, I can' blame them, being that hungry feels so awful, a few days ago I could have eaten one of my cats if they had kept still long enough! I've not had a snacking problem at all even on 810kcals, so I'm really hoping that my gradual approach has helped me to avoid this. I know that if I start picking at food I shouldn't be having, I won't be able to stop myself very easily.

After CDC left, still feeling buoyed from our meeting, I did a Ketostix test and I am definitely in ketosis so I am incredibly smug now. I also measured around my waist but it hadn't changed from last meeting so I'll just ignore that for now and concentrate on...

HOORAY!! KETOSIS!!!

Day 26

I had a super busy day today. I didn't feel hungry when I woke up and almost forgot to have my morning sachet but when I finally remembered I was so pleased at not being hungry I celebrated by having my last Leek and Potato soup sachet, my very favourite flavour.

After breakfast, I got a crazy burst of energy and with the taste of soup still in my mouth, I decided to sort out all the junk I had stashed on top of my wardrobes which ended up being a most of the day task involving spring cleaning in, on and around almost all my bedroom furniture. I cleaned up tonnes of dust and cat hair and threw out so much rubbish, I don't know where half of it came from! Also, I found some precious things that belonged to my late mother that I thought were lost and gone forever which really cheered me up. I took a break at lunchtime and shared a meal with the boyfriend, well it was my lunch/his dinner, but we shared an actual meat and veggies type meal which has become rather a rare thing these days. Then he gave me a hand to finish off my huge bedroom project and the outcome was almost miraculous. It's gone from being over cluttered, dusty and unmanageable to being a well ordered, if a little on the full side, actual bedroom.

In the evening, even though I wasn't hungry at all, I managed to have a soup sachet followed a couple of hours later by a spiced up vanilla shake, served warm. I added a little ginger, cinnamon and nutmeg to it and it was completely delicious!

I'm really looking forward to my meeting with my CDC tomorrow and he's bringing me some Mix-a-mousse to try out. It's stuff that can be mixed with the shake sachets and makes a mousse type texture which I thought would make a nice change. I'm guessing it'll be something similar to Angel Delight texture which I think will be really nice made with the toffee and walnut flavour. I can't wait to tell CDC how positive I feel now, how much energy I suddenly have. I'm almost looking forward to my weigh in too, I haven't stepped on the scales for a couple of days so hopefully it'll be a nice surprise tomorrow.

Day 25 - Breakthrough!

Today went so smoothly I'm actually surprised! The worst I had to contend with was feeling a bit peckish in the afternoon, but I went out to distract myself and it worked a treat. I really feel like I'm getting the hang of 810kcals, shame it's only for this week but I'm sure I'll adjust just fine to SS. I know I've way more will-power than I give myself credit for. I tend to think of myself as someone with little self control, (how else would I have ended up this size?), but I should remind myself more often that I gave up smoking, cold turkey, and if I can do that, I can pretty much do anything!

While I was out I treated myself to a pack of ketostix, which was, I suppose, a bit of a weird treat but oh well. After what my CDC had said in his email and the lack of extreme ravenous hunger today, I thought I might do a test and see what happened but I was too scared and talked myself out of it. I'll do it tomorrow though.

Days 23 + 24

Saturday morning went smoothly but in the afternoon I was so hungry I didn't know what to do with myself. I think it's probably because I woke up pretty early again and that can make my days very long indeed, but I got through it without breaking my resolve. I can't wait for ketosis then I will only have to battle with my mind, not my stomach.

I'd missed a phone-call from my CDC on Friday but he left me a message on my voicemail so I replied via email on Saturday afternoon to let him know that I was still doing OK and I told him about my little bacon dinner on Thursday.

Sunday has been a lot easier in many ways. I woke up at a reasonable time after a decent night's sleep and had a busy day doing shopping and housework which really helped take my mind off the hunger. When I got home from the supermarket at lunchtime, I found that my CDC had replied to my email. He congratulated me for not going pie-crazy on Thursday and also said that occasionally some people do go into ketosis on 810kcals! I really hope that happens for me, although I'm not counting on it

Day 22 - First day on 810 kcals

Considering how little food and how few calories I consumed today, I don't feel too bad at all. I had to space out my food and sachets a bit oddly to get through the day but I didn't cheat so I'm happy. My breakfast mushroom soup sachet succeeded in keeping me going until lunchtime but my lunch of a chilli soup sachet didn't really fill me up so I had some dry fried courgette that I had been planning to have for dinner.

By late afternoon I was feeling quite hungry again so I had half a cappuccino shake made with about twice as much water as usual and it really helped. The rest of that sachet made a rather nice little dessert for after my griddled chicken and mushroom dinner.

This day has been a relief compared to the last week, I really feel like 810kcals is going to be easier for me that 1000kcals was, although I may change my mind about that before the week is over.

Day 21

I've been feeling like crap all day again today (no shock there) and even though I almost had enough sleep last night, I still had a 4 hour nap this afternoon.

I had an uncontrollable craving for salt today, I would have happily eaten a spoonful of the stuff so I decided maybe it was time for a little controlled cheating. I made a nice dish of finely chopped bacon, lot's of vegetables (courgettes, mushrooms, spinach and a few sliced olives) and some penne pasta. Apart from the bacon factor, it was a very healthy dinner really. I didn't eat tonnes of it, there was way more vegetables in it than anything else and I drunk more water than usual which should have diluted the salt a bit so I'll try not to feel too guilty. Also, the mini cheat gave me the little boost I needed to get through the last day of my difficult week on 1000kcals per day.

I only get weighed officially every 2 weeks but I thought I would step on the scales and see how I was doing and I've managed to shift 4lbs since this time last week, although my waist measurement hasn't shifted for 2 weeks.

Day 20

Last night I had yet another early-ish night and shockingly early morning. I managed to sleep for almost 5 hours which may be enough for some people, but it really isn't enough for me. I spent the entire day feeling overtired, bad-tempered, hungry and downright weird.

I woke up just after 3am feeling really hungry and had a soup sachet within a few minutes but it didn't really help so I spent a few hours trying to ignore the loud noises my stomach was making and forget how hungry I was. In fact I worked so hard at it I actually forgot about breakfast! Luckily that meant I could combine it with lunch, I had a boiled egg, some toast and some salad and saved my lunchtime sachet until mid-afternoon when I mixed a warm chocolate shake with some instant coffee. It was the only thing I could do to keep myself awake long enough for dinner.

Tomorrow is my last day on 1000kcals, and it'll be quite exciting to move down to the next step; 810kcals, I'll be moving slightly closer to the more rapid losses that are possible on SS. I'm still quite worried about it though because this step has been way harder than I thought it would. I was fine at the start of the week but I've found it harder and harder every day and I'm starting to feel like I'm being tortured. I finished my dinner 1 hour ago and I feel starving already....

I'm not giving up and I'm not rushing into SS like I said I would, I may be feeling horrible but it's making me feel more determined than ever.

Day 19

Last night was very much like the one before. I was fast asleep by 10 but I woke up again at 3am and completely failed to get back to sleep. I woke up feeling alert and full of energy which is really abnormal for me, so I went downstairs to do morning things only to find that boyfriend hadn't gone to work. He was feeling a bit off colour but not ill enough to stop him from making me coffee. I tried to avoid breakfast for as long as possible knowing that I had a long day ahead of me and finally had a soup sachet around 5am and a bowl of porridge about 8am after a failed nap attempt.

By late morning I was feeling so incredibly hungry that I couldn't wait until lunchtime so I had another soup sachet and managed to put off eating proper food until about 1pm. I spent the afternoon feeling exhausted, ravenous and miserable and by time I thought it was an appropriate time for dinner, I was actually feeling quite unwell. Dinner hardly took the edge off my hunger though and lots of water didn't help either. This is the worst I've felt since I started this diet and I wish I was already on Sole Source, at least after a few days feeling horrible I'd be heading for ketosis. If I feel like this all day tomorrow too, I'm going to call up my CDC and ask him if I can go straight onto SS. It would be a relief!

Day 18

Ho-hum, more sleep weirdness.....

I went to bed really early last night, I was asleep by 9pm but I woke up about 3 hours later and couldn't get back to sleep so I got up, drunk a cup of coffee, made myself some porridge and got on with fixing some problems with my poor neglected computer. I spend so much time fixing everyone else's computers, mine gets left out so I had a nice leisurely potter about in the wee small hours and a soup sachet about 3am.

By 7am, the hunger and lack of sleep were really getting to me. I didn't want to have lunch yet because my sleep problem is one of the things that really mess up my eating habits. I knew that if I added another meal to the day I might be able to stay up 'til a 'normal' time, if not I wouldn't last the day, so I took a risk went back to bed. I managed to grab another 3 hours kip and woke up just as boyfriend got home from work. He made me a big mug of proper coffee which tided me over until lunchtime when I treated myself to the first shake I've had for days! I had a bowl of salad with a little drop of no fat vinaigrette then a toffee and walnut sachet blended with lots of ice.

Due to my sleep and meal juggling, I managed to have my dinner at a proper dinner time and I don't mind admitting, I'm going to bed at an embarrassingly early hour and I'm planning on sleeping for a solid 12 hours.

Days 16 + 17

I woke up stupidly early on Saturday morning for no good reason, I knew it was too early because it was still quite dark so I turned over to have a look at the clock only to see that the clock was off! I scrabbled around in the dark to find my glasses and mobile, switched on the flash-light function on my mobile and stumbled downstairs to find out what the problem was. Boyfriend had recently topped up the electricity key so I thought perhaps he had forgotten to put the key back into the meter but when I got downstairs I realised that the lights on the walkway outside the were off too so it was an actual power cut! Luckily I have a gas cooker so heating up water for my morning coffee and soup sachet was not a problem, but I couldn't use my hand-held blender so I had to try to make the soup with my little balloon-whisk. It took about 3 minutes of frantic whisking to stop it being too powdery and nasty to drink, but I got there in the end.

About 11 o'clock, the electricity came back on so lunch was easy but by mid afternoon I was feeling so hungry I could cry so I went out to distract myself. I decided to take a bus over to the place where I buy my green hair dye. It's a couple of hours away on a busy Saturday afternoon so by the time I was on my way home, my stomach was feeling like it was digesting it's self and I still had to go supermarket shopping. I spent way to long looking at all the pizzas and pasties but somehow managed to make myself walk away. The second I got back I cooked myself some dinner, Quorn fillets, mushrooms, spinach and a few noodles, a sensible dinner and I'm so pleased I resisted the lure of pies in the supermarket. It was so close!

Sunday has been much more relaxed. I have no idea why but I slept for a solid 10 hours and woke up feeling excellent. I had porridge and a chicken and mushroom soup sachet for breakfast. I decided to have dinner for lunch so I cooked some extra vegetables and I had them with a cheese and broccoli soup sachet later on. I'm not sure why I was so hungry yesterday but not so much today, I did drink plenty on Saturday, maybe even more than today so maybe it was the lack of sleep that made the difference.

Day 15 - First day on 1000 kcals

Today has been the first day on 1000kcals and it's been a nice easy transition. I had been finding the food quantities on 1200kcals a bit excessive which was a real shame because the recipes were quite nice but I'm sure I'll get over it when I've had a chance to try out some of the recipes on this step. One of the advantages of the dinners on this step is that the booklet gives you a little tables of starchy foods, protein rich foods and vegetable portions and you can mix and match instead of having to stick to recipes which is going to make things fun for me as I do love to cook.

Today's breakfast was a nice soft-boiled egg and slice of toast followed by a broccoli and cheese soup sachet, lunch was a leek and potato soup sachet and a bowl of salad leaves with a tiny little drizzle of some rather nice mustard dressing and for dinner I had some poached hake with boiled new potatoes and broccoli.

Although I did gaze lovingly at a picture of a cheeseburger for 'slightly' too long, I didn't actually feel hungry at all today, although it might be something to do with the fact that I had to take an afternoon nap due to only having 2 hours sleep last night. I'm trying my very best to regulate my sleep pattern at the moment, if I let it slip it could make spacing my meals quite difficult and that's the last thing I need right now. I've had sleep problems as long as I can remember which is why I am self-employed and working from home but that does have it's advantages with this diet as I can decide exactly what I want to eat and when and I always have my trusty hand-held blender ready. No lumpy powdery soups or shakes for me!

Days 13 + 14 - Meeting with CDC

Yesterday went so smoothly it didn't really deserve a blog, I ate and drank and behaved myself like a good CDer. I made tuna lasagne and added some fresh spinach to the layers. It was incredibly nice and I had some more for lunch today too. I forgot yesterday's dessert fruit but I'm sure I'll survive.

Today I had a meeting with my CDC and had my official weigh in. The results weren't great, I'm still a bit bloated from my TOTM but hopefully that'll make my next official weight and measure look more impressive. Here are my stats:

• Weight: 18st 1lb
  
• Waist: 46ins
  
• BMI: 40.5

I've lost a couple of inches from my waist but I weigh 1lb more than I did this time last week but my CDC was really encouraging. As he so rightly pointed out, I'm heading in the right direction, I'm not struggling and the weight loss will speed up as I move down the steps. After a little discussion, we have decided it would be better if I worked down to SS quite slowly so I'm going to spend a whole week on 1000kcals then another week on 810kcals so I won't be starting SS until after our next meeting. I'm quite happy with that really, I think I stand a better chance of sticking to the diet if I approach it cautiously rather than rush into it and hopefully any side effects will be minimized because it'll be less of a shock to my system.