Days 103 + 104

I've been struggling for the last couple of days to get back on the wagon. It's been way harder than I thought it would be and despite my good intentions, I keep eating utter rubbish. Not in huge amounts or anything, just enough to keep me well out of ketosis. It seems to be a combination of my well-meaning, feeder boyfriend and my terrible pastry habit keeping me down at the moment so I'm going to try and use New Year's Day (tomorrow) as a new starting point and just beg him to stop buying pies until I get my act together.

I had a little unofficial weighing session today to see what sort of damage I'd done to my weight over the last week and it wasn't too bad really, I'm 15st 8lbs now. It does mean I completely missed my '15st by Xmas trip' goal but hey, I'm only human and I still weigh 3 stones less than I did just over 3 months ago!

Days 97 - 102 - Diet break

I haven't posted for almost a week due to illness and being busy in equal measures. I had some time off CD while I recovered from my horrible sore throat and then when I went to visit some family and friends in Berkshire. In the end, my throat problem lasted an entire week, maybe if I had stopped the diet sooner, I would have recovered a little sooner but it worked out OK just about as I suddenly started feeling a lot better just 1 day before I was due to go to Berkshire.

I really enjoyed my time away. I got to spend some time with my granny and cleverly timed my visits so they were between mealtimes so she didn't force-feed me until I burst. I also spent some time with 2 of my oldest, dearest friends. I hadn't intended to, but I did get rather drunk on Saturday night but I certainly won't be doing that again in a hurry seeing as I'm aiming to be back in ketosis by the end of this week at the very latest. I'm not doing anything for New Year's eve, apart from maybe watching the fireworks from the roof of the flats so I'll just wean myself off the carbs over the next few days and with any luck, I'll shed the extra 4lbs I put on over the last week very quickly.

I was expecting to feel tempted to overeat when I took a break from the diet but I really wasn't. I've probably had my most sensible Xmas eating ever this year. I think it's because I've still been having the occasional CD sachet or bar and I've been knocking back good quantities of water and peppermint tea.

Day 96 - Meeting with CDC

Today's CDC meeting didn't last very long because I can barely speak but I managed to explain to him what has been going on with the diet lately and how hard I'm finding it. He told me to stop worrying about it and just eat sensibly until I feel better. I'm going to keep having the sachets and bars though, a few good nutrients can't hurt. I've bought a few chocolate tetras for when I go away and I'm quite looking forward to trying them. By the sound of it, they are quite sweet and thick so I'm prepared to water them down if they are a bit too much for me, it's got to be easier than preparing sachets on the go!

Anyway, this weeks weigh in results were OK:

• Weight: 15st 4lb
• BMI: 34

I'm pretty happy with that loss, it may not be as much as previous losses but considering how much I cheated and the fact that I'm not in ketosis any more, that's not too bad. I know that when my health is better and I'm getting more sleep I'll be able to get back on track without too much difficulty and hopefully, the losses will be a bit better then.

Day 95

Because I slept all day yesterday I was up all night and had to take a nap this afternoon for a few hours. The diet went sort of OK for most of the day, during the night I had a chocolate CD bar and a vegetable soup sachet then a few hours later, some mushrooms and pollack. Everything went fine up until boyfriend got home from work feeling hungry then I talked him into going out and buying me a burger! (yes that's right, 'I' talked 'HIM' into it!) Of course I'm completely out of ketosis due to my weekend's eating and it's going to get much harder to get things under control because of it but I will do my best.

I had to step on the scales today to see how much damage I'd done and the results weren't too bad, I'm about 15st 4lbs which means I've lost around 5lbs in the last 2 weeks. It's still a decent loss, but I don't feel like I deserve it.

I'm just praying I get a decent night's sleep tonight.

Days 92 - 94 - First day back on 810kcals

On Friday I would have liked to be in a celebratory mood but I failed miserably. I had plenty to celebrate, it had been exactly 3 calendar months since I started CD and was the first day back on 810kcals per day for the week over Xmas but my sore throat had turned into an 'Oh my god I can't swallow' throat and I was feeling weak, run-down and sorry for myself. I really did feel like curling up under a duvet on the sofa all day and wallowing in self pity but I had way too much to do to prepare for the Solstice eve family dinner the following day.

The diet went completely to the wall that day too. It had originally started off with a rule bend/break of some battered cod but later that evening, after lots and lots of dashing about, supermarket shopping and things, I ate some chips reheated in the microwave! I don't know how it came to that because I'm not a chip fan anyway, and reheated chips are awful, but I somehow managed to enjoy them. I only had 2 CD sachets that day too I'm ashamed to say. If I'd had another when I got home maybe I could have avoided the chips.

That night, my throat got even worse and I only managed to get 3 hours of sleep before the pain of swallowing woke me up. As soon as I possibly could I went to a pharmacy and got some super strong throat numbing spray and luckily it really helped. After another dash around the supermarket with the boyfriend, I got on with the cooking for the solstice eve dinner. I cooked a huge joint of pork, some home-made chestnut, mushroom and millet stuffing (I made up the recipe on the fly, it turned out very well), roasted carrots and parsnips with rosemary and honey, roast sweet potatoes, some savoy cabbage and proper home-made gravy. My brother turned up early and helped me with some of the prep which really helped make the cooking easier for poor sickly me.

I went slightly nuts with the food but not completely out of control and I'm sort of semi proud of myself. I did have some of the stuffing because it was a made-up-as-I-went-along recipe and I couldn't feed it to anyone unless it was good. I had a small helping along with my well trimmed pork, savoy cabbage and gravy. I managed to resist the lure of the roasted root veggies and that was really difficult but I did it! However, I did weaken in the end and had some of the pork crackling and an extra helping of stuffing but I still steered clear of those sweet tasty roast vegetables!

After lots of clearing up, I finally got to bed around midnight on Saturday but woke up again a little after 4AM with terrible throat pain, coughing and gasping for breath. I did my best to get back to sleep but it wasn't happening and I ate a little of the leftover pork with some savoy cabbage and gravy which actually really helped and I managed to get back to sleep about 8ish. I woke up again around lunchtime feeling even worse, sprayed my throat and went back to sleep and woke again around 6PM to find a text message from my CDC asking if it was OK for him to move our meeting to Tuesday instead of Monday. I was quite pleased since I had spent the whole of that day sleeping already, I just hope I can get my sleeping pattern into some sort of control by then really. I eventually woke up enough to get up around 11PM, I pretty much slept for the whole day and I still don't feel any better.

As soon as it's a reasonable time in the morning, I'm going to have to cancel all my plans for tomorrow because I can't speak and I feel awful. I've also got no enthusiasm for the diet at all, I've been having all my water but I keep missing sachets and having extra food and blaming my illness. I'm going to do my best to reign it in on Monday otherwise my weigh-in on Tuesday is going to be pretty depressing.

Day 91

I only had about 5 hours sleep again last night. I woke up well before 5:30am feeling completely alert but like my throat had been sandblasted and had a CD soup sachet in bed about an hour later as the central heating warmed my flat up a bit. Around 8AM I started to feel really tired again so I though I would have a nap until boyfriend got home from work. I sort of semi-remember him coming and talking to me at some point but don't remember the conversation apart from me refusing a cup of coffee. When I eventually woke up properly, it was after 4PM so it looks like all the poor sleep nights I had recently caught up with me at once!

I've drunk over 3 litres of water and peppermint tea today but my lips are still dry and a little cracked so I'm going to blame whatever is making my throat feel so raw and painful. I don't seem to have a proper cold, I just feel really horrible but I do still intend to cook a big meal for my friends and family on Saturday for Winter Solstice eve. I've been planning this mini get together for almost a month and I'm really looking forward to it seeing as I'm doing nothing at all for Xmas.

Tomorrow I change plans up to 810kcals per day for the next week. I had originally planned to go back down to SS+ the week after that but as I'll be visiting friends and family that week I may have to move up to 1000kcals per day for that week then start going back down the steps the following week. I'm seeing my CDC earlier in the week than usual, on Monday, I'll ask him about it then.

Day 90

My friend left today, she's off to Thailand for the rest of the winter which is a very sensible thing to do if you ask me. For the 2 nights she has been here, I've not really been getting much sleep, about 4-5 hours each night so I really hope I can do a bit better than that tonight. It's nothing to do with my guest at all, it's just an unfortunate coincidence that I have someone staying and am also having trouble sleeping. I'm feeling so worn out but because the boyfriend works nights, I don't want to go to bed until he gets up otherwise I wake him up when I go to bed and he wakes me when he gets up so I'm going to try and wait until about midnight if I can.

On the CD front, I've had a bit of a naughty day. I did manage to eat all my 3 CD meals but for my SS+ meal I had some of the pork I was cooking for the boyfriend which is way too fatty for CD. I didn't have a huge amount, I did really enjoy it and it meant I didn't have to go out shopping in my exhausted state so there will be no regrets and strictly no beating myself up about it.

As the evening is wearing on, I've been finding my throat is feeling more and more like I've been gargling with broken glass. Also, while I've been typing this, I've had a few sneezing fits and gone through about 10 tissues so I'm beginning to think I'm coming down with a cold. This is bad news for a couple of reasons, one being that it's getting perilously close to my Winter Solstice family dinner and the other being that I've no idea how hard it's going to be for my body to deal with on CD. I know I'm getting good nutrition on this diet so that's not worrying me, but my normal practises when I have a cold involve drinking honey and lemon and eating lots of garlic and I can't do either of those things. I think I'm just going to have to look for some sugar free throat sweets tomorrow.

Days 88 + 89

It's been a pleasant couple of days and the diet has been going really well. I've had 2 days of almost perfect SS and a little taste of tuna sashimi yesterday and a small piece of chicken today. I've a friend staying for a couple of days and have had no problems watching her eat. I think I might have trouble watching a whole roomful of people eat, but one person munching away in the same room as me does not bother me in the slightest. It's a good job really, my poor boyfriend would have starved to death by now otherwise.

It's also been a couple of days of many great compliments, everyone has been telling me how great I look. I've been feeling a little bored with the diet for the last few days but I'm getting so many positive comments recently, it's really helping me to keep going. I'm about halfway to my goal weight and I really feel like I can make it.

Because it's non-CDC week this week, I've had a little weighing and measuring session today and I've lost another 3lbs and finally managed to shed another inch from my waist. If I keep going at this rate, I'll be bang on target for my '15st by family visiting time' mini-goal, although my grey jeans may fall down in front of my granny! Luckily, I dug out a pair of slightly smaller black flared jeans a couple of days ago that I had completely forgotten about, although I do prefer closer fitting jeans at this time of year because they are less draughty and I'm really feeling the cold this winter. Maybe long thermal socks is the answer, anything to avoid clothes shopping!

Days 86 + 87

I woke up very early on Saturday morning after a decent night's sleep feeling nice and refreshed and decided to have some poached cod and broccoli for breakfast. It's not a normal sort of breakfast but I knew I had such a lot to do that day I may not have time to cook later on so I got my SS+ meal out of the way first thing. I cooked, made myself some peppermint tea and grabbed some Star Trek Voyager DVDs and headed back to bed for a leisurely breakfast in bed and a healthy dose of 6AM sci-fi. The next thing I knew, it was lunchtime and I woke up with the empty plate and a happy cat licking all the fish flavour up on my lap. I hadn't even felt tired, I was just trying to keep warm while the heating had a chance to warm the flat up a bit. It managed to miss the whole morning and throw my sleep pattern and my weekend plans into chaos.

I spent most of that afternoon tackling some housework and putting the finishing touches to an ear-flap hat I'd crocheted for myself then went over to help my sister hook up her broadband. Even though I took a bar out with me, I didn't get a chance to eat it and I had all three CD meals that evening. I also forgot to eat on Sunday until mid afternoon when boyfriend got home with some chicken for me. I didn't have my first sachet of the day until about 7PM, it just slipped my mind. I'm not happy that I keep forgetting my meals lately, my confusing sleep patterns don't help either, routines just don't exist.

Earlier today, I had a good sort through the clothes in my wardrobe that I haven't looked at for a while to see what fits these days and found lots of things I had forgotten about. I found another pair of jeans that are a little smaller than the grey ones I've been wearing, they fit around my hips but I need to lose a couple of inches from my waist before I can wear them. I also found some trousers I'd never worn and frankly, I don't even remember buying them. They are black with purple satin trim and they are sort of combat trouser style, quite odd but not ugly. I also found a few rather nice goth type clothes that I had forgotten about and they all nearly fit me. Looks like I'll have some nice things to wear in a few weeks and I can avoid shopping for a bit longer.

Days 84 + 85

After the last post, just before bed, I decided to do a ketostix test and I was in ketosis as I suspected. Needless to say, the last 2 days have gone quite well because I'm not feeling as hungry as I did last week.

Even after my long day on Wednesday after very little sleep, I only managed to get 4 hours sleep that night but luckily, I only had to go and see 1 client on Thursday afternoon and spent the rest of the day just pottering about, crocheting and tidying up my poor messy flat. When I got home from work and shopping, I realised I had only had 1 sachet so far that day so I had a bowl of mousse but really couldn't manage any more. I even unwrapped a peanut bar and chopped it up, but I just couldn't face eating it that night.

After 2 nights of skimpy sleep, I was a bit worried about getting a decent amount of sleep but today I woke up feeling great after sleeping solidly for almost 10 hours. I was working from home for most of the afternoon so it was a nice restful day for me with just a quick stomp to the High Street in the late afternoon for a change of scenery. I was feeling quite hungry in the morning so a few hours after my soup sachet, I had some canned tuna and spinach in sensible quantities, which really hit the spot. I may not have stuck to SS for the rest of the week as I had intended, but I'm not upset with myself, I didn't overdo it and I feel fine.

I recently heard from a very good old friend who I don't see very often. He's invited me over to see him when I go and see my family after Xmas. I need to think about what I'm going to do quite carefully because he's the only person I like getting drunk with and also, I really don't want to tell him I'm doing CD, he wouldn't understand. I think his plan consists of some sort of dinner and lots of good wine, and knowing him, it'll be some extremely good wine. I'm not really a drinker normally but I do like certain wines very much and he is a genius at picking just the right ones. So I need to have a good ponder about what I'm going to do about this, I may not see him again for another year so I don't want to get out of it. Maybe I'll have to go up to a higher plan for a while to cope with the booze then get right back on with SS afterwards. Any advice or suggestions?

Day 83

Today I had to go and see a client I haven't seen for almost a year. She didn't mention my weight but did say I was looking good! She also gave me my first Xmas gift (a kitten calender) and card (also somewhat catty) of the year which cheered me up no end. What cheered me up even more was taking a chance and going out in the grey jeans and finding that after 10 minutes walking they stretched a little bit and aren't too tight at all. They are the only jeans I have that fit me now so when these get too big, I'll have to actually buy some new ones. I think I fancy something in purple this time, for too long I've been wearing boring indigo and black. I may even dye these grey ones in a few days then when they don't fit me any more, I can sell them on Ebay as 'unique, modified, one of a kind, DIY jeans' instead of 'cheap, boring £15 jeans from Tesco'.

I've no idea if I'm back in ketosis yet, I've spent the day trying not to think about it too much, but I've not been hungry at all. Also, I've been feeling really great and full of energy, even though I only got 3 hours sleep last night, so I'd say that was a pretty good sign. On the way to and from work I was stomping about with complete disregard for my knee problems, I must have walked about 2 miles altogether. Even though my knee is throbbing and a little swollen now, I don't care. I really remembered how much I used to love walking today and I'm getting excited about being able to get back on my bike soon, as long as everything goes OK with my upcoming physiotherapy. I've only managed to have 2 sachets today, I've been pretty busy and I've no appetite so I haven't even had my SS+ meal. I'm proud to say it's been a pure sole source day and I'm going to do my very best to keep on SS for the rest of this week. I'll just have to make sure I remember to munch down a bar before I go to bed because I really can't face another sachet right now.

Days 81 + 82 - Meeting with CDC

Monday was a bit boring, I didn't even leave the house, just pottered around and played with metres and metres of tangled wool - thanks cats! I did manage to stick to SS+ more or less, but in the evening I cooked some haricot beans in a tomato sauce for the boyfriend and had to taste it to check the spices and seasoning. It was really nice and I tasted it a few more times but managed to resist a whole bowlful by some miracle.

I was thinking last night about the foods I find it hardest to resist and what sort of food I normally cheat with. I've made a little list of the foods I am missing the most these days:

• pulses, especially cannellini beans, kala chana and lentils
• onions and garlic
• fruit, especially raisins and apples
• smoked fish
• oats, especially in the form of oatcakes, both kinds, crackers and pancake type
• sweet potatoes
• parsnips
• pastry
• steak
  

I don't really miss bread as much as I thought I would and although I miss some starchy things, I don't miss potatoes, rice or pasta particularly. I miss red meat most of all and do have it occasionally and I've cheated by eating a bit of smoked fish a couple of times, although I tend to drink extra water with the smoked fish to try and balance out the extra salt. I'm just glad I can usually resist the fruit, sweet potato and oats, if anything was going to kick me out of ketosis it would be those. I'm also thankful that I'm not a chocoholic, the CD bars and chocolate flavoured sachets are more than enough for me, but I would be pleased if they had a 80% cocoa solids version. I like my chocolate bitter.

Today I had a meeting with my CDC and my official weigh in so here are my newest stats:

• Weight: 15st 9lb
• BMI: 34.8

I'm so pleased to be in the '15s' I don't really know what to say, apart from I feel very smug. If I keep losing at this rate I should reach my 15st mini goal around the time I hoped to, which is exciting because it marks the halfway point of my CD journey. When I first started this diet I wasn't sure how long I would keep it up, I half expected to run out of steam after a couple of weeks but the fast results and the enthusiasm of my CDC, my friends and my siblings has kept me going. I'm pretty sure I'm going to keep persevering past my original 12st goal and see if I can get to 11st if I'm not getting too skinny and weird looking by then.

I promised myself I would celebrate when I'd reached the 3 stones lost mark and I certainly did! The boyfriend bought me a nice little steak which I griddled and some fresh spinach which I steamed to go with it. I enjoyed it very much but would have enjoyed it more if I could have shared it with him. Damn his unsociable hours!

Days 78 - 80

The last few days have been part busy and part weird but I've managed to stick to SS+ with no great difficulty.

I went to see my doctor on Friday morning about my TOTM problems and have loads of blood-tests lined up now. I'll have to find out if it's OK to do things like that on SS or SS+, I'm fairly sure it will seeing as it's just a few vials and not a pint of blood. It'll be great to get some answers finally and hopefully it'll have an impact on my sleep problems too as they seem to be quite closely related.

On Saturday, I braved Oxford Street to pick up a few bits and bobs for family Xmas gifts. I thought as it was pedestrianised for the day it might not be as bad as usual but I was completely and utterly wrong. The horror! Not only was it outrageously crowded with rabid bargain-hunters but there were several bands playing in the street, loads of leafleters and more charity muggers that you can even imagine. It was crowded, noisy and horrible but I still managed to get the things I was after and even tried on a couple of pairs of shoes I liked and all without going mad and murdering a random shopper or two.

The jeans I have been wearing recently are a bit on the baggy/falling off side so I decided to go out in my mini-goal black jeans. They seemed to fit OK at first but after a couple of hours of wear, they started to fall down every couple of minutes and I ended up spending the whole afternoon hitching them up repeatedly. I am going to call it a success but it didn't feel like one at the time. When I got home I tried on some grey jeans I haven't worn for 2 years. They are a rather small size 18 and they are a little tight on me but I think once they stretch after a couple hours wear, they should fit fine and if not, they will probably fit me in a couple of weeks time at the rate I'm shrinking.

After a very patchy night, I spent most Sunday sleeping but I had time to do some work on a project I'm part way through. Even though I've been behaving myself and sticking to the diet, I've been feeling really hungry pretty much all week. I've only got a few Ketostix left so I've been trying to save them but I decided to use one anyway and it turns out either I'm still not in ketosis after my munch out last weekend or they are giving a false reading. I'm going to do my very best not to stress about it and just get on with CD and hope for the best.

Days 76 + 77

I've had another odd couple of days because of my bizarre sleep pattern and various other things. On Wednesday I was expecting a parcel to arrive but as I had been awake all night on Tuesday night I had to take a 3 hour nap at lunchtime. I did manage to stay awake until the boyfriend got home from work so he could accept the delivery on my behalf and I woke up again before he had to get to sleep.

Annoyingly, the parcel failed to arrive that day which messed up my plans for the rest of the week. I'd been waiting for a part to repair a computer and I was supposed to be fitting the part that evening so not only did I have to reschedule the delivery but also the appointment to fit the part and rescue the poor computer. According to the tracking on the website, the delivery driver had attempted delivery at lunchtime but found nobody at home, which was a complete and utter filthy lie. I've had the same problem with this courier company on a number of occasions and have made a couple official complaints. I have a feeling that the area I live in is usually served by the same lazy delivery driver who can't be bothered to get out of his van, I regularly order computer parts from 2 different online shops that both use this courier company and this happens with annoying regularity.

I had to go and lay down mid-evening because I was in so much pain and the paracetamol wasn't touching it. The plan was to curl up in bed and watch some DVDs, drink some peppermint tea and have a soup sachet at some point. As I'd only been awake a few hours, I wasn't expecting to fall asleep but a few hours later, I woke up with a half full cup of tea still in my hand and the DVD's menu playing over and over in a hypnotic loop. I stumbled downstairs and got a drink but I couldn't face any soup so I went back to bed and slept for a over 8 hours. Consequently, I missed out 1 CD meal that day and I didn't drink enough either, at least I got some sort of sleep pattern back though.

I did manage to fit in an unofficial weigh-in on Wednesday somehow and was pleased (and quite amazed) to discover I've lost 4lbs in the last week. I don't know how I managed it with my pork-pie weekend, TOTM and the fact I've been doing SS+, but I'm still bang on target for my 15st by Xmas mini-goal so maybe a little food has helped. I also did a waist measurement but it hasn't changed at all, I guess there are plenty of places on my body I can lose flab from. My arms, legs, face and neck are looking quite different and the boyfriend tells me my bum is changing for the better too.

Thursday was a little more 'normal'. I spent the day waiting in for the parcel again and also working on creative fun things to try and keep my mind off the possibility of my delivery not turning up again. By just after 5pm I knew it wasn't going to arrive so I called up the head office to register a complaint. I make a point of always being particularly pleasant to call centre workers as not only do they have a pretty boring job but it can be very stressful too with loads of people phoning them up and shouting and ranting at them about things which are not their fault that they can do nothing about, so I try and be as patient and friendly as possible. I think it makes a nice change for them because they often go out of their way to help me and today was no exception. I spoke to a very polite, helpful young man called Tom who not only sorted out an evening delivery for me (instead of just telling me to call my local depot and reschedule for another day, which is what I would normally have to do), which involved him calling the local depot twice and calling me back twice, but also mentioned to me that his shift officially ended 1 minute into my call. Of course I was very apologetic and asked him if he would get paid any overtime for staying on an extra half hour. He said he wouldn't but he didn't mind helping me out at all, what a lovely chap!

The parcel arrived around 8pm which goes to show that this courier company CAN do what they are supposed to, it must just be a few lazy drivers letting the whole side down. I celebrated with a nice cup of peppermint tea and a lovely chewy chocolate CD bar. Aside from the sleep strangeness and parcel related stress, my dieting has been OK, I missed one sachet on Wednesday but had everything I should have and nothing I shouldn't today. Despite feeling quite run down and a bit ill from my TOTM, I feel pretty good and quite positive about the CD. I even braved my favourite black jeans today and they are even closer to fitting me than they were a week ago even though my waist hasn't shrunk. I must have lost a little around the hips, another few days and I think I'll be wearing them out in public at last!

Day 75

My TOTM finally started properly today and I'm in terrible pain and desperate for steak again. I knew it was on it's way because I've had all the classic symptoms, the need to comfort eat, disturbed sleep patterns, pain, bloating and all the other horribleness that goes along with it. I'm a little disappointed the the steak craving has come back again so strongly this month as I've been taking an iron supplement for a week already, I started taking it the very second I felt my PMS symptoms. I'm pretty sure that my nausea yesterday was also to do with it. It went away too quickly to be a bug or a touch of food poisoning but it literally floored me and if I hadn't gone to sleep for another few hours, I have no idea how I would have coped with the day.

Naturally, I didn't get to sleep until about 6 this morning and even then, I only managed to get 3 hours sleep. I woke up at 9am feeling surprisingly bright and alert and decided on some chicken and mushrooms and a huge mug of green tea for breakfast. As soon as it was finished, I fell asleep again for an extra 3 hours which messed up my day somewhat but I obviously needed it. Luckily I woke up in time for my friend to come and visit for the afternoon. Although I saw him just a couple of weeks ago, he said I looked quite different today which is so encouraging, especially as the only jeans which fit me right now (in fact they have been getting a little loose lately) were feeling quite tight around the waist today due to TOTM bloating. He said my weight-loss is quite noticeable around my face and a few other people have mentioned similar things. It's nice to think about only having one chin again.

Apart from feeling sorry for myself and quite sore, the rest of the day went OK diet-wise. I baked a huge batch of flapjacks on Sunday and have given most of them away to family and friends but there are still quite a few saved for the hard-working boyfriend. Even though it's my TOTM, I haven't eaten a single one. Where is my medal?

Days 72 - 74

I decided to have an SS+ day on Saturday so I could have a meal with the boyfriend but didn't pay enough attention to the salad I and knocked myself right out of ketosis by eating a load of raw onions.

Of course, I spent Sunday feeling incredibly hungry and a bit miserable. I had to go supermarket shopping and I usually take a litre bottle of water with me, it can really help with any cravings I might get. Unfortunately, I completely forgot to take any so I tried to dash round as quick as I could and just be good but the lure of pork pies was just too much. I fed some of them to the boyfriend but I ate a couple of them too. I figured it wouldn't matter seeing as I wasn't in ketosis anyway. What a fool!

I woke up very late this morning feeling really ill. Every time I moved I thought I would throw up. I went downstairs for some water but ended up sitting on the kitchen floor for a few minutes feeling grim and a bit sorry for myself. Eventually, the boyfriend helped me back up to bed and I fell asleep for a few more hours. I woke up mid-afternoon feeling much better, in fact I was feeling great which was a relief seeing as I had to go to work for a few hours in the evening.

Today I've managed to stick to SS+ quite easily, I wasn't tempted to cheat at all. I had my 3 sachets, one in the form of a delicious chocolate mousse and a small meal of chicken and spinach. I don't feel too bad about yesterday's cheating, I do have quite bad PMS right now and I'm sort of surprised it has gone so well as before CD, I used to do far more foolish things just before TOTM to try and alleviate the discomfort and unpleasant feelings. I guess this is all stuff I need to learn to deal with for a slimmer life.

Day 71

This morning while I was laying in bed, trying to make myself get up, I had a nice stretch and happened to notice the tops of my arms and hardly recognised them as my own! They were almost shapely, I could nearly see my biceps as I flexed them and I couldn't see a trace of 'bingo-wing' either which helped me start the day with a smile on my face.

I seem to be shrinking steadily all over my body apart from my belly which is a little bit behind the rest and my bust which doesn't seem to have shrunk at all. I'm still having trouble seeing my feet, I've always struggled with that really, but hopefully I'll drop a couple of cup sizes at some point on my CD journey. Well I do hope so, if not I'll probably fall over.

Day 70

I'm feeling very pre-menstrual today indeed, I was desperate for food from the moment I woke so I took the opportunity to have a little light lunch with the boyfriend. I poached some frozen broccoli and pollack in a little low-salt veggie stock and chucked in lots of parsley and some black pepper. It came out very well and we both really enjoyed it but I found myself feeling quite hungry not long after so I thought it was best to go out for the afternoon.

I ended up going to a friend's house to do some work on a creative project and hopefully take my mind off the hunger and it worked very well. I wasn't really hungry, just feeling under the weather I guess, eating can help me in these situations but I do find myself feeling tempted to eat more than I need to sometimes so I have to be careful. Once I was out of the house and distracted I did feel OK and my friend commented on how well I'm looking which always helps too. We had a constructive and pleasant afternoon, we got a good amount of work done and had a great natter too. On the way home, we popped into the supermarket to grab a few essentials and I realised that while I've been on SS+ and SS, the food I miss more than all others is actually fruit, especially a nice, crisp, juicy Braeburn apple. I miss them more than pizza, and for me, that's a pretty major thing.

This evening, I realised I haven't measured myself for a while so I measured my waist and it's down to 43ins now. It doesn't seem to be going down as fast as I'd hoped but I'm not losing weight first from the same places I put it on first. It's all still heading in the right direction though, so I mustn't grumble. I also tried on the trousers I bought a few weeks ago only to find that they are a bit on the loose side now. I wouldn't usually mind but they are high-waisted trousers and look quite odd on now. I'm tempted to try and dig out the receipt and take them back to the shop. I also tried on my mini-goal black jeans and apart from a bit of 'muffin-top', they fit me now. In a week or two they should fit me perfectly and I'm pretty excited about it. I'm off to have a rummage around for old receipts.

Day 69 - Meeting with CDC

I had another very positive meeting with my CDC today and a pleasant little surprise at my official weigh-in too. I have been quite anxious about my weight this week so I weighed myself about 2 hours before CDC was due, it was around the 16st 2, 2.5, 3lb mark. When he arrived I stepped on the scales again, here are my official stats for this week:

• Weight: 16st 1lb
• BMI: 35.6

I'm not sure why I weighed less than I did a couple of hours before, maybe my bust obscures my view of the dial, I don't know, but there's no way I'm complaining about a 7lb loss. It's also strengthened my resolve for the coming week. I'm going to do my very best to stick to SS and see if I can get that stray pound off so I can get to a nice, tidy 15st 7lbs at my next weigh-in. I do like those nice round numbers, maybe it's the geek in me, maybe I have a touch of OCD, who knows. One thing I do know though, is that at the next weigh-in I could well be seeing a total loss of a whole 3 stones since the start of my CD journey and that is something I will have to celebrate!

I had a little chat with my CDC about my worries about visiting my grandma and I think that I might try and explain CD to her. She's a very smart woman so she might surprise me and be very understanding but she's just as likely to go all 'feeder' on me. I think if she does insist I eat, I will just have to eat, as sensibly as I can at the time, but I don't think I will be able to get out of it. At least I know now from my burger experience last week, that it will only take me 2 or 3 days to get back into ketosis, and with the help of a bit of careful eating, I'm sure I can do it without going completely mad.

Day 68

First thing this morning I stepped on the scales so I could get a rough idea of what to expect at tomorrow's official weigh-in and the result was not too bad, 16st 1lb. I'll probably weigh a couple of pounds more at my CDC meeting as I get weighed in the early evening but it should still show a reasonable weight-loss for this fortnight, despite my burger madness last week. I probably could have lost a little more if I'd behaved myself a little better but I don't think I've done badly enough to seriously jeopardise my chance of reaching 15st by family visiting time.

I'm already starting to feel a bit anxious about the visit even though it's over a month away. Some of my family; my siblings and my dad, know about my diet but others don't and I don't know how I'm going to wriggle out of eating while I'm there, especially at my granny's house. If I could think up an excuse to avoid the starchy components of whatever she feeds me I'd be OK but she isn't the type of person to take no for an answer when it comes to food. For example, I'm mildly lactose intolerant, I can have a certain amount of milk every day but if I exceed it I am quite unwell, but if I ask for a black coffee or no butter on my toast she'll just scoff at me and do it anyway. I have no idea how I can explain CD to her without freaking her out, I can't even think of a way to work around it. Any suggestions more than welcome!

My kitchen has been out of bounds again today, apart from the odd 5 minutes to get a cup of peppermint tea, but I didn't mind at all, I had no appetite whatsoever and there was magic going on in that kitchen. I even forgot to have breakfast until about 5pm! I'm off to have my last sachet of the day in my beautiful, lime-green, freshly redecorated kitchen.

Day 67

Some friends of mine have been decorating my kitchen today, they started on Saturday and they have a little more to do tomorrow. It's very exciting indeed, my kitchen has been semi-decorated for a couple of years. Originally I had asked for some help to do it myself seeing as the boyfriend is too busy either being at work, exhausted or sleeping to help me with the heavy stuff. I just needed an extra set of strong hands, but the friends decided that as I had saved their computer's life a couple of times, they would do the whole thing for me to return the favour. Gawd bless 'em!

Not only is my kitchen looking awesome, the decorating is having the added advantage of keeping me out of the kitchen, so all those little Quorn pieces and fillets of Hake in the freezer are safe. I've kept myself busy preparing for some work next week and I've almost finished a couple of my crochet projects off today too, plus I've had a perfect SS day. What surprises me is the complete lack of hunger today, I still don't understand how I can be so hungry some days and have no hunger at all others. I thought it might be to do with levels of activity but it doesn't seem to bear any relation. I've had days when I've been busy but still fighting off the need for food and other busy days when I've almost forgotten to have all my CD meals, I've also had lazy days when I've had pangs of hunger all day and lazy days when I've had to force myself to have all 3 sachets. I just wish I could settle into some sort of routine like I did on 810kcals and SS+.

Days 65 + 66

I did a ketostix test first thing yesterday morning, before I'd even had my coffee and was relieved to find I was back in ketosis. It was still tricky stopping myself from eating though as I'd had food every day for a few days in a row and I'm back in the habit again, but I just decided to be a good girl and gritted my teeth and got on with it. I did allow myself an extra CD meal (in the form of a lovely peanut bar) last thing at night as I was feeling quite hungry but I figure that was better than just eating conventional food and I'm quite proud of myself really.

Sunday was a totally different sort of day, I was feeling so hungry I wanted to cry so I had some chicken breast, a bit too much to tell the truth. I don't know why I'm struggling so much today, I don't understand why one day I'll feel so positive and find it easy to stick to the plan but the next day I struggle and fight to get through the day without eating everything in sight! I'm not sure if I would have a better chance of keeping it together if I went on to SS+ again or if I should just keep on going as I am now. I'm going to have a chat with my nice CDC about it when he comes over on Wednesday and see what he says.

Days 63 + 64

I've had a really tough couple of days, I'm still not back in ketosis after my burger and chip foolishness and I've been feeling ravenous and so fed up today. I thought about calling my CDC and suggesting I go onto SS+ again for a while until I can get back into ketosis but I've decided not to bother him as I've been doing SS+ on Wednesday and Thursday anyway and I'm planning to get right back onto SS as soon as I stop feeing so horrible. I don't feel too guilty about it because I've been eating sensibly and well within the SS+ rules and it's got me through this difficult couple of days without completely falling off the wagon.

Earlier today I had a sort through some of my clothes to figure out what I can still wear and what has to go. I've now got 5 pairs of trousers, 2 dresses, 2 skirts and 3 tops that I can't wear any more. Some of these clothes have not been worn much so I plan to sell them on Ebay, a couple of items haven't been worn at all, they may even still have tags on them so hopefully I'll get enough cash for them to go towards some clothes to wear when I get down to my target weight. Because I haven't been that small for many years, I don't have many smaller clothes left but I do have plenty of clothes in all the sizes in-between so I'm not too worried about that. I also have a few ideas for modifying some of my favourite clothes when they get too big. I do love to make my own clothes but modifying existing clothes is just as much fun and can save lots of money too. My taste in clothing has always been, lets just say 'unique', and being a larger lady, there was a really poor choice of odd clothing in my size, even when I modified horrible fat clothes to look more interesting, I didn't really feel like being exuberant at that size so I didn't want to stand out particularly. I'm really looking forward to looking as odd as I feel again, without feeling shy. I've already made myself a few lurid accessories for the winter and I've planned to make a crochet cardigan/jacket for the spring in hot pink and black. I'm going to have lots of crafty fun!

This evening I've been feeling really cold and the hunger is becoming slightly less overwhelming so I'm hoping this is the start of ketosis. I know it's pretty cold this evening, but I shouldn't still be shivering with the heating on, a blanket around me and fingerless gloves on should I?

Days 61 + 62

I've had no work so far this week and I've been at a bit of a loose end. I was hoping to use this time to relax and let my painful knees recover a little before my Thursday and Friday appointments but it's not really worked out that way and I've found myself feeling quite bored, despite all my half finished crochet projects. I'm just finding it hard to get motivated which is a shame as I have lots of reading and research to catch up on and lots of arty/crafty stuff to do. I think it's my lack of energy, and I know that is to do with the menstrual problems I'm having (still). I have an appointment with my doctor but it isn't for a couple of weeks so I'll either have to put up with feeling horrible and exhausted all the time or try and blag an emergency appointment which is like trying to get blood from a stone! You have to phone the surgery at 8:30AM sharp and be prepared to see whichever doctor can fit you in, which may involve seeing a locum who I've never met before or seeing the rude old fart doctor who thinks everyone should just 'Snap out of it!'

After Monday's positivity, I really let myself down on Tuesday. I was feeling hungry for carbs, I've never had a craving for them on CD before, I've always had meat or veggie cravings but that day all I wanted was pasta or noodles or chips and it was making me feel really miserable and slightly unhinged. I did a Ketostix test and I was still very much in ketosis as I had expected but the hunger was so strong it was really preoccupying my mind so I decided to go to our local Zavvi with the boyfriend and treat myself to a DVD to cheer me up. We had a nice little stroll around, visited the local second-hand bookshop and then had a look around Zavvi. Boyfriend bought himself a couple of good books and I bought 2 series of 'On The Buses' (only 2 more series to get then I have the complete collection!!) and we strolled home at a leisurely pace. On the way back I manage to talk myself into feeling OK about having a cheeseburger even though I knew that it would knock me out of ketosis, I don't know how I let myself be so stupid. I was even daft enough to steal some of boyfriend's chips! I just can't understand how one day I can be so well behaved and then talk myself into thinking that something so daft is an OK thing to do.

This morning, no surprise, I wasn't in ketosis any more and I've spent the day feeling really hungry and a bit embarrassed. I thought a good way to soften the blow would be to have a Sole Source Plus sized meal so I had a portion of tuna sashimi and some dry fried mushrooms, which worked out at about 90kcals for the lot, and it does seem to have helped me because I got through the rest of the day without going near the cheese in the fridge. I also gave myself an unofficial weigh-in and I've lost 3lbs since last week which is not as good as some weeks but not too bad for a glutton.

I'm off to get an early night now and hope that I can get my act together tomorrow. I have to go out to see a client in the afternoon and might gawk at some hideous granny shoes on the way home, that should keep me away from the food.

Day 60

For some odd reason, I slept for a whole 12 hours last night! Looks like the last few weeks of poor sleep have finally caught up with me in a big way. I woke up at Jeremy Kyle o'clock feeling confused and disorientated by the daylight streaming in through my window. I'd been waking up before it got light for so long I had taken to leaving the curtains open when I went to bed lately but I really wish I hadn't this time. Despite my extra long sleep, I was feeling so run down and tired today I had to go out to stop myself from going back to sleep after lunch.

In other news, I'm back on track with the CD after my bad weekend. I had a lovely cappuccino mousse as a breakfast treat, a peanut bar for lunch as I was out and about and a lovely leek and potato soup (with a big spoon of psyllium) for dinner. I spent a rather nice afternoon with a good friend and with her help, and various types of herbal tea I stayed on the straight and narrow all day.

While I was digging through the recesses of my wardrobe for some clothes that wouldn't fall off, I found a pair of size 18, grey jeans I hadn't worn for a couple of years that I had completely forgotten about. I remember wearing them only a few times before I got too large for them and I remember how disappointed I was with myself when they became too tight to wear. I'm going to keep thinking of my size 18 jeans and just keep on with the diet. I'm feeling really positive today, I really feel like I can do this!

Days 57 - 59

On Friday, as soon as boyfriend left to go away for the weekend I decided to go out and do something useful so I went out shopping. As anyone who knows me personally or reads this blog regularly will know, I absolutely hate shopping, but I've been after some smart-ish clothes to wear when I go and see new clients because turning up with ill fitting jeans and battered sneakers doesn't exactly inspire feelings of trust. I found a good cheap pair of trousers a few days ago which are a little tight on me at the moment but quite wearable and I already have a few plain, nondescript tops I can wear but my main problem is shoes. I have really wide feet, always have had and also my taste in shoes is a bit over-the-top to put it mildly. My favourite shoes are bright (almost neon) lime green, huge, chunky, Swear-Alt trainer/boots and apart from a pair of 7 year old olive green and orange sneakers, the rest of my footwear collection is pretty outlandish too. What I need to find is something simple, flat and comfy, in an extra wide fit and are suitable for a couple of miles of walking (so no slip-ons and no pointed toes) but don't look like 'granny shoes'. I quite fancy red or dark pink but anything will do really as long as they are affordable on my tight budget and not too hideous. But can I find anything suitable? Can I heck!! I came home with some Chas and Dave records and rather nice sleeveless blouse that will hopefully fit me when I reach my goal weight from a charity shop, and few other bits and bobs, but no shoes. Ah well, at least I can have a proper cockney knees up now if I want to....

Saturday was a day of pointless shopping, feeling rubbish and horrible cheating, I don't know if the cheating caused the feeling rubbish or the other way around but I did eat a fair amount (although no carbs!) and my digestive system went completely crazy in the evening, to the point that I had been a bit scared to go to bed and be on a different floor from the toilet!

The afternoon hadn't been too bad though. I had spent a couple of slightly nostalgic hours at East Street market, just around the corner from where I used to live in Camberwell. It's a great market, really cheap and cheerful with loads of different types of stalls. I actually found one pair of little red ankle boots that I rather liked, they looked foot shaped and comfy. The guy only had 1 pair left, they were about my size and they were only £5 so I tried them on. Unfortunately, they were just a little bit too small for me, they were a bit tight width-wise and I could feel my toe touching the end of the shoe. It didn't feel too bad but I knew it would become very uncomfortable after a bit of walking so I left them and stomped off bemoaning the difficulty of buying half sizes.

Much later that evening, while I was laying in bed, drifting off to sleep, I realised that on both Friday and Saturday, I'd only had 2 CD meals! What a fool! No wonder I'd succumbed to food so easily on Saturday. It was the same sort of food as last time, red meat and dark green vegetables. I'm still having my terrible TOTM problems and had decided it was probably an OK thing to do. I'll just have to be more careful really because I find once I have allowed myself food, it's hard to stop again and after my recent weight-loss progress, I really don't want to mess this up.

This morning (Sunday) I woke up at about 5am after a glorious 8 hour sleep, the first one in weeks, feeling like a different person. It's the first time I had felt like I'd actually had enough sleep in a long time and also my stomach had settled right down, so all in all, I've had a fairly restful day. After going out walking 2 days in a row, my bad knee is so bad that every time I have to walk anywhere, even across the room, I want to cry! For some reason my normally good knee is really hurting too which is like adding insult to injury really. I'm back on track with he CD though and my ketosis is still going strong

Day 57 - AM - Some mini goals

I'm up incredibly early again today for no real good reason, although I did get so sleep about 9pm I only managed to sleep for 5 hours which is not ideal. I tried my best to get back to sleep but at, 3am, feeling fully alert, I decided to have some coffee and start my day. Although I'm a bit disappointed by my lack of sleep, I am quite fond of this time of the morning. I love the peace and quiet and I like being on my own , it gives me time to ponder, plan and generally potter about.

While pondering this morning, I've come up with a couple mini goals, some things I'm really looking forward to achieving on the way to my ultimate goal weight:

• To fit back into my favourite black jeans by mid December, I think they are a generous size 18 (or possibly a small 20) but I'm not sure as I got them second hand and they have no label.
  
• Get down to 15 stones before I go to see my family just after Christmas.
• To be slim enough to climb out through my bedroom window onto the roof of my flats to watch the New Year's Eve fireworks over central London.
• To be able to use my nifty little electronic body fat monitor without it giving an error message. I'm not sure how long that'll take because I'm not sure what it's limits are, but it works on my family so it would be very useful if it worked on me too.
  

I think I have a good chance of achieving all these goals as long as I put in a bit of consistent effort and stay focused.

Day 56

Well, I managed to sleep for just over 4 hours last night, that seems like quite a good night compared with the last week but it still isn't great. I have another very busy day lined up, I had to rescue a sickly computer this morning then in the afternoon, a friend came to visit me bringing lovely gifts for my spoilt cats. I was also planning an exciting visit to the local council office with a jar of Pharaoh ants but boyfriend went for me in the end.

Although I do feel little let down that I didn't get past the 2 stone lost mark at my weigh-in yesterday, my CDC just wouldn't let me feel sore about it. He's always so positive about my losses that even when I feel I could have lost a little more, he'll remind me of the bigger picture and how far I've come, it helps me feel good about my progress and it really keeps me focused on my goal. We had a little chat about my plans for the coming months as I'm now around a third of my way to my goal weight, he thinks it would be good for me to have a plan. I've decided to do 810kcals per day for the week over Xmas as I'm only allowed to do a VLCD for 12 weeks anyway, then I have to take a break for a week and then I'm allowed to do another 12 weeks on SS if I wish. Ultimately I'm planning to have reached my goal and eased myself back on to proper food by my birthday (25th April in case anyone fancies sending me prezzies!). Not that long ago I was a quite reluctant to make plans this far ahead, it seemed so far away and I was not sure I would be able to stick to CD for that long, but time seems to be slipping past so quickly that my birthday no longer feels that far away.

Day 55 - Meeting with CDC

I managed to stay awake long enough to see my CDC today even though I only had about 3 hours sleep last night and had a pretty productive day at work somehow too. I was actually busy enough to stop me feeling too tired all day but I will be having an embarrassingly early night tonight and I really hope I get some sleep this time.

My CDC meeting went great, well I haven't imploded but I am very happy. Here are my lovely new stats:

• Weight: 16st 8lb
  
• BMI: 36.7

I didn't get below 16½st but I have actually lost 2st and that's nothing to grumble about!

I'm too tired to type this evening, I'm going to slope off to bed and save my ranting for another day.

Day 54

I had another afternoon nap day today. I did manage to grab 3 hours sleep last night and tried my best to get back to sleep but I failed miserably. I thought if I could get through the day and get a really early night I would be OK but I couldn't do it and by lunchtime my eyes were rolling back in my head and I was as good as useless. Because of my 'broken' day I've had to work hard to make sure I had enough water and sachets. I think I had an extra one some days and other days I may have been one short but how can I know for sure when every day in the last week has been a different length?

Ah well, at least I'm still in ketosis and my weight is still creeping downwards. I'm quite confident that tomorrow my official weight will be below 16½st and if it isn't, it won't be far off. I seem to lose about 7 - 8lbs or thereabouts every 2 weeks which is a decent loss as far as I'm concerned. I do wonder if it would have been any more if I hadn't had the little sneaky protein and iron rich snacks but I'm hoping that seeing as I stayed in ketosis, it hasn't made too much impact. I'm absolutely sure that the tiredness, sleeplessness and iron-rich food cravings are all very closely linked and I'm quite surprised that the iron tables didn't help me, I just hope my doctor can do something because I refuse to go through this on a regular basis.

Day 53

Apart from having no sleep at all last night and a 4 hour nap this afternoon, I think today has gone OK. From a dieting point of view it's been fine, no cheeky bits of food, plenty of water and a couple of miles of walking. Now if I could only get my sleep under control that well I would be laughing. I don't have any work tomorrow so it'll give me a chance to get things back on track for Wednesday when I have a full 9 - 5:30 work day and a meeting with my CDC straight after.

I'm quite looking forward to seeing CDC, not just because he'll be bringing me more yummy bars either. I'm fast approaching the 2st lost mark and I'm getting so excited about that I've been jumping on the scales every single day, sometimes more than once. As soon as I woke up today, before I'd drunk all that heavy water, I weighed less than 16½st but now I weigh a couple of lbs more. I think tomorrow I might go for a nice long walk and try and burn off as much flab as I can because if I weigh less than 16½st at my official weigh-in on Wednesday, I'll be so happy I might implode.

Days 50 - 52

My plan for Thursday night/Friday morning went a bit wrong, I failed to stay awake much past 7am and then only slept for 4 hours. I was feeling so tired I ended up passing out a few hours later and having a 3 hour nap. I did get a fair amount of crochet done though, I've made a decent amount of progress on a little handbag that has been sitting half made on my coffee table for months and I also did a a few rows on a blanket I started making late spring. I got half way through it in the summer and then got bored, I figured now is a good time to finish it seeing as I'm so flipping cold all the time these days. I didn't quite get round to doing any actual work though. There isn't a fixed deadline on this project, but I need to just get on with it because I find it easy to lose the flow of creative things when I don't just get on with it.

By about 1am Friday night/Saturday morning, I was feeling exhausted so I went off to get a bit of sleep. It was an almost normal time to go to sleep and I was feeling quite pleased, but when 7am came around and I still hadn't had a wink of sleep I started to get a bit annoyed. Eventually, boyfriend got bored of watching me pacing up and down and went out for a walk and I finally managed to get to sleep at around 8:30am. I planned just to nap for a couple of hours so both my alarms were set for 10:30 and I managed to sleep through them both again and eventually woke up after lunchtime to find the boyfriend had fallen asleep on the sofa. I spent most of that afternoon trying to think of something fun and distracting I could do without causing further damage to me knee but eventually I just left the house with no plan as the smell of boyfriend's roast dinner was sending me insane. I really should have thought it through a bit better because I was out for ages and ended up eating some prawns. What a fool! I guess it could have been worse, I managed to bypass all the sandwiches and just had the prawns and some extra water to try and balance out the saltiness.

While I was out, I also managed to find a rather nice pair of cheap and cheerful, smart-ish trousers that were just slightly too small for me to replace the ones I usually wear which are now at that almost falling right off stage. I don't want to buy too many clothes in my in-between sizes but I can't really get away with wearing jeans all the time, especially when I go and see new clients. I need to at least have a veneer of respectability, even if the bright green hair is a dead give-away! I do have a few smart skirts to wear but they aren't very good when I'm on my knees with my bum in the air, crawling under desks and fiddling with computers.

On Sunday morning I managed to get 3 hours sleep and woke up at 8:30am with an uncontrollable craving for rare steak. Red meat is one of the most common menstrual cravings I have, along with spinach, kale and other dark greens. For me it's more common than craving chocolate and seeing as my TOTM has been going on for a couple of weeks now I though it would be a good idea to try and fulfil this particular craving so I had an iron tablet. Unfortunately it didn't make me feel any better at all and I ended up having a small piece of griddled rare steak a few hours later which really hit the spot. I'm going to have to go and see my doctor very soon about this, I think I might be getting as bit anaemic around my TOTM, they seem to be going on for ages and unnaturally heavy too. I'm sure it's not caused by CD because it's been a problem on and off for many years but the last 3 months has been worse than ever before, I've been feeling really tired but not getting enough solid sleep and the food cravings I'm getting are totally uncontrollable.

I had to take a nap in the afternoon again and I slept for about 5 hours I think. I woke up late in the evening and had to work hard to remember where I was with my sachet and water consumption. This last few days have been so confusing, I think I've had more than enough to drink but I get the feeling I'm a few sachets behind but I can't be sure. I've just had a broccoli and cheese soup sachet and sneakily added a nugget of frozen spinach to it to try and calm my iron craving. I checked the packaging carefully and each of those little nuggets of chopped spinach contain about 5kcals and o.14g of carbs so I think I can safely get away with this without it really counting as a cheat.

Despite all my cheating and messing about this weekend, I've still been in ketosis the whole time and I've lost 2 or 3 lbs since my unofficial weigh-in on Wednesday. Imagine how much weight I could lose if I actually stuck to the plan properly!

Day 49

My sleep pattern is all messed up now, I managed to get to sleep at 7am and woke up about 1pm today, same kind of hours as the day before. I only had one job today and it was at 5pm so that wasn't a problem but if I can't get my sleep the right way around it's going to make things very complicated soon. So the plan for tonight is to drink plenty of coffee and stay up all night and try not to sleep until late afternoon or early evening tomorrow. I've got a nice fun creative work project that I can get on with or I can get on with one of my unfinished crochet projects so I definitely won't be bored. I'm not quite sure how I'll space my sachets out though, I guess as evenly as possible would be best but seeing as I don't know how long my day will be, I'll just have to do my best to be sensible. I know the next day will have to be very long too, if I'm going to sleep early evening, I'll probably wake up in the early hours of the morning. I think if I try and have 5 sachets altogether before I go to sleep tomorrow then 4 the next day that'll probably be about right.

In my pre-CD-life, in these situations, I would just eat when I wanted to which frequently ended up being a bit of binge. The problem is that when I'm tired I may not always be able to sleep but I know I'm tired and my body knows it needs energy so I tended to feel really hungry. I'd crave lots of meat and veggies and proper food as well as sugary things and usually I would just eat whatever I wanted. This is the first time since CD I've tried to 'loop-the-loop' my sleep in this way and I'm a bit worried about it to say the least. Luckily, the only sweet things in the house are my CD shake sachets, so that should help.

I've been sleep juggling on and off like this for many years now, since I was about 12 years old. School was a horrific experience because of it and full time work was really difficult too. I did manage to work regular full time hours for a few years although I favoured unskilled work because my brain turns to custard when I haven't had enough/any sleep and I tended to do agency work so I could chop and change my hours around when things got tricky sleep-wise. These days, because I am self employed and work from home, I can choose which projects and clients to take on, decide my own hours and generally work around the sleep problems when they arise AND I get to use my brain for things that interest me!

Day 48

Last night was hard work, especially after the positive couple of days I've just had. I went to bed just before 11:30 feeling extremely tired but at 3am I was still awake so I had a vanilla mousse. At 5am I was still awake and feeling miserable and I crumbled and ate a piece of corned beef. I know it's not a lot of food but I really feel like I let myself down after vowing to be good this week. I eventually got to sleep around 7 this morning, slept through 2 alarm clocks and woke up at lunchtime. Good job I had no work today! I'm going to blame TOTM for all this hungriness and sleep upheaval. I had a look back at my blog entries from this time last month and there is a little cluster of insomnia. At the end and beginning of each month I seem to have sleep troubles but in the middle of each month it's quite manageable. It's been going on for years and I never noticed how closely it tied in with my menstrual cycle until I saw it written in my blog!

Being my non CDC week, I gave myself an unofficial weigh-in today and the results pleased me. I've lost 5lbs in a week which takes me comfortably below the 17st mark and makes my BMI about 37. I'm so relieved that my weekend eat didn't effect this week's weight-loss. I didn't eat a massive amount but it was enough to get me out of ketosis temporarily. I decided not to bother measuring my waist, I already knew it was smaller because my very favourite trousers actually fall off me these days so I'm wearing jeans that I hadn't been able to get into for over a year.

I have been deftly avoiding having my photo taken for a couple of years now but having seen some of the 'before and after' diet photos around the CD forum I though it would be good to get some of myself as a record of my progress so a few weeks ago I got a photo taken. Next week after my CDC meeting, I'm going get another taken for comparison and I'm planning to do the same every 4 weeks. In a few months I might post them up on this blog if I feel brave enough.

Day 47

I saw a friend today who has been reading this blog (Hello Coral!) but hadn't seen me since well before I started CD and she said she could really see the difference. I was slightly surprised because although I feel a little different and my clothes are feeling more comfortable, I don't see any real difference yet when I look in the mirror. Perhaps that's just because I see myself every day and she hasn't seen me for about 2 months or maybe my brain is having trouble catching up with my body. Anyway, it was a great little boost for my self esteem and I'm going to allow myself a touch of smugness.

I've been working from home again for most of today. It was fun creative stuff rather than the usual technical stuff and even though I was pretty busy, no amount of fiddling with artwork is enough to burn up all the extra energy I seem to have these days. By the evening I was desperate to go out so I went to the supermarket to buy real actual food for the boyfriend. My local big supermarket is just over a mile away so I stomped there to the dulcet tones of V/VM on my mp3 player then stormed around and grabbed everything I needed to the merry melodies of Venetian Snares (and no, I didn't get stuck staring at pizza and pies again) I didn't have much to carry, seeing as only boyfriend is eating and I only needed some peppermint teabags for myself, so I decided to walk home. I got to the crossing outside the shop and pivoted slightly to press the button to cross and as I turned my knee gave out! I had to hobble to the bus stop and get a bus home instead. Fortunately, by time I got home the throbbing was subsiding a little and the 4 floors of stairs weren't too bad but I was feeling rather cold and despondent. I'm just glad I'd only had 2 sachets during the day so I could cheer myself up with potato and leek soup and it really worked.

Even though I'm sitting here with a really sore knee, I feel really happy with how the day has gone. I haven't been feeling hungry and each time I go out food shopping or cook, it's slightly less stressful than the time before.

Day 46

I'm not feeling so ill today thank goodness! I was so worried that being on CD had either caused my illness or would slow down my recovery but I feel much better now, not 100% yet, but pretty good. I was also quite concerned that I would find it hard to stop having food again after yesterday's dinner but it hasn't been too bad at all. I've had a few cravings for food but nothing I can't deal with and getting back on the straight and narrow has been mercifully straightforward. I did a Ketostix test this morning and I'm already back in Ketosis which was a bit of a shock to me, I thought it might take a day or 2 but I'm so relieved it didn't.

For my final meal of the day, I treated myself to the last bar I had left with a huge mug of white tea with a cinnamon stick in it. I've been quite impressed with the bars, not only are they rather tasty but they are also really easy to split up into two smaller meals or even tiny snack sized pieces, very handy. I've not decided on a favourite variety yet so I think I'll try the other flavours next time I see my CDC.

Days 44 + 45

I've been feeling quite ill for a couple of days, I've had some stomach nastiness. I don't know if it's anything to do with CD, it's more likely to be a simple stomach bug but it's really thrown things out of whack and I've not slept properly for 2 nights. It's just typical I would get all sickly right after my last positive, enthusiastic blog. I did go out for a while on Saturday to try and distract myself but it was cold, rainy and miserable and I almost wish I hadn't bothered.

After a miserable Friday night and a horrible Saturday I had a cheat on Sunday and came out of ketosis. Now I feel ill and hungry, how annoying. I'm not going to chastise myself about it too much. I know I've been a fool but I've promised myself a well behaved week and I know I can do it. Also, I've decided to stop taking the psyllium for a day or two to see if it makes any difference and I'm going to buy some peppermint tea tomorrow, hopefully that'll soothe my aching belly a little.

Day 43 - Breakthrough

Several times over the last week I've mentioned how much more energetic I feel compared to my pre-CD self and today was no exception. I didn't have to go out to work today, I was supposed to be doing a bit of research for someone but I couldn't sit still long enough to get anything done at all! I bounced around the flat randomly starting various household tasks and then getting distracted and wandering off. I started loads of things but finished nothing because I really just wanted to go out but had nowhere to go. I know a lot of ladies would go out window shopping or something but I hate real shopping more than enough and non-buying shopping is a total waste of time as far as I'm concerned.

Despite my boredom today, I wasn't tempted to eat once! I went out to the supermarket very briefly to grab a few essentials and bought some of boyfriend's favourite foods without feeling hard-done-by even for a second, I didn't even take a detour round the supermarket to look at all my favourite things that I couldn't have. I really feel like I've reached a level of comfort with this diet, it just feels normal. I remember reaching a similar mindset when I gave up smoking, it was the feeling of not having to try hard not to smoke any-more, one day I just felt like I was a non-smoker and that's not dissimilar to the way I feel about CD now. I have had the occasional panicked moment since I started CD, when I think of how much weight I have to lose but as I'm about ¼ of the way there now, I can actually see my goal in my mind's eye, and it's getting closer!

I'm a bit embarrassed about how worried and miserable I felt yesterday. I blame my hormones.

Day 42

I'd read on the www.cambridgedieters.com forum that some CDers are very sensitive to carbs and can't have the bars because it kicks them out of ketosis. I assumed that I wouldn't have this problem seeing as I went into ketosis when I was on 810kcals per day and I stayed in ketosis even after my frankfurter and toast error. I happily chomped my way through my bar yesterday without a care in the world but I woke up this morning feeling so hungry I had to have a soup sachet immediately and even that didn't help me. I went out for a few hours but I was so hungry I had to come home quickly, before I gave in and bought myself something to eat. As soon as I got home I had a mousse then did a Ketostix test and it showed that I was still in ketosis but I was still so hungry. I just did my best to keep busy and drink plenty and even though I didn't eat anything today, I still feel like I've let myself down. I know I can't control how I feel really but I feel a bit of a failure somehow.

I know that I really shouldn't let myself get stressed out about these things. When I started this diet, I really didn't think I would still be doing it 42 days later, I didn't think I would manage to lose 1½ stones in the first 6 weeks and I certainly didn't think I would ever get through a whole day without any food, let alone almost a week. The last couple of days I've been finding that I can see a difference when I look in the mirror and my clothes are getting nice and roomy too. I just need to learn to focus on my achievements when I'm finding it hard. I think I might have a bit of a surf around some on-line shops and gaze at some cute things I can wear when I reach my goal weight, that might cheer me up and stop me moping.

Day 41 - Meeting with CDC

I had another very positive meeting with my CDC today and not just because he brought me sweeties to eat either! I got an opportunity to explain my sleep situation to him properly and we came to the conclusion that in the sort of situation that I found myself in on Saturday night, the best thing to do would be to have an extra sachet instead of straying into food territories. That way things stay more controlled but I still get the extra I need for such an unnaturally long day. Although I am quite disciplined about this diet, if I chose to have an SS+ type meal in these circumstances, I might find it more difficult to go back to SS afterwards so I'll stick to the sachets and bars to be on the safe side.

I also had my official weigh in. Here are my new stats:

• Weight: 17st 1lb
  
• BMI: 38

I've lost a half stone in 2 weeks even though it's my TOTM. With any luck, I'll have have a better loss by the next weigh in as not only will I have only been on SS, but also I will have lost that little bit of extra hormonal water retention that I have now. In the back of my mind I had set myself a little mini goal of getting down to 15st by Christmas but had assumed I had no chance, I now think I have a very real chance of not only achieving this goal but I might even lose more. It's a shame I'm not planning on going anywhere nice over the festive season to show off.

As soon as CDC left, I tried one of the bars. I had recently read a very interesting thread on the www.cambridgedieters.com forum about problems some dieters had with these bars. One lady found that the first time she tried one, she lost the plot and ate about 5 in one sitting! Many people find they get terrible, painful gas problems and/or a feeling of uncomfortable over fullness but some of these people find if they cut the bar into pieces and eat it over a couple of hours, they don't have any trouble with it. I decided that as it was my first bar it was better to be safe than sorry so I chopped a Malt Toffee bar into 8 chunks and ate it slowly. The flavour wasn't too bad at all, not as sweet as I expected, and the texture was quite nice and 'fudge-ish', but it had a metallic after-taste similar to the shakes, easily remedied by a mug of white tea with a stick of cinnamon in it. I slowly chomped my way through 6 of the pieces but was feeling very full so I took a break of almost an hour before I had the last 2 chunks. I don't think I could eat one every single day but it did make a welcome change. I'm quite looking forward to trying the other flavours.

I'd just like to say a quick thanks to everyone reading this blog (including my CDC), I've received some really nice encouraging messages and I appreciate every single one. Also, I'd like to bring your attention to the Useful Links section on the right, I've added a new link to a blog by a Lighterlife dieter. It's a very similar diet to Cambridge and works on all the same principles. This particular blog is incredibly well written and is one of the blogs that helped me make the decision to start CD.

Day 40

I realised something today that made me feel very happy indeed. When I was first starting this diet, I decided that as a minimum weight-loss goal I would aim for around 12st. Although to some people this might seem quite heavy, I am a big build and I was quite muscular and fit in those days from having a physical job, more to the point, I was happy, healthy and comfortable in my own body, so that's what I'm aiming for. If I get there and I'm sill not satisfied, I can always just try and shed a few more lbs seeing as I know I can do it now, and just stop when I feel right. Anyway, being the day before my official weigh in, I decided to weight myself and see how I was doing, I'm 16st 13lbs, I'm actually below 17st! While I was being all smug about it it dawned on me that I'm already a quarter of my way to my goal weight! I know it wasn't an accurate weigh because I did it first thing in the morning, but I'VE ALREADY LOST A QUARTER OF THE WEIGHT I NEED TO LOSE!!!!! Even though the rate of my weight-loss will probably slow down gradually, I should be at my goal by my birthday, end of April and I'm starting to look forward to my first slim summer in years.

I don't really feel or look any smaller yet, but I must be because some of my clothes are a little more comfortable and none of my underwear fits me any more so yesterday I went out to Marks and Spencer to buy some cheapish new undies. I decided it would be a good idea to get measured properly for a bra but the nice measuring lady told me I actually needed a bigger size than I was wearing already! I totally ignored her recommendation and bought one 2 chest sizes smaller than the one I was wearing and stuck with the same cup size and it fitted me perfectly so I don't know what was wrong with her tape measure! I was going to buy some pants too but they seem to have stopped doing the cut I prefer, I used to buy the boy-cut shorts but they only have low rise shorts these days. Hopefully I'll have more choice when I'm a size or two smaller, I'm not a fan of the giant granny pant but I'm not ready for skimpy little frillies either.

In other CD news, I'm on my third day without proper food and I feel remarkably good. I'm feeling so full of energy, I'm actually having to hold myself back because my poor old knee is giving me some trouble, partly due to overdoing things recently and partly the terrible cold, damp weather. Hopefully I'll hear from the physiotherapy people soon, I think it my doctor referred me about a month ago but I live in a very overpopulated part of London and appointments and things always seem to take ages. A soon as I get the knee thing sorted out a little I can get a bit more active and with any luck it'll help speed up my weight-loss (or at least my inch-loss).

Day 39

My cunning plan of saving my last sachet for just before bedtime worked fine last night so I'm doing the same again today. I had my first sachet late morning and didn't have another until 10pm, I just swigged water all day and I didn't feel hungry at all, although I did gaze lovingly at every manky, fast-food chicken joint I went past on the bus. I blame my hormones.

I had a brief little chat with my CDC today and mentioned the insomniac hunger problem to him and he suggested I try out the bars this time as they are easy to split up and some people find them more satisfying. I know I've only been on SS for a couple of days but I'm already looking forward to having something CD-legal to chew on, the mix-a-mousse is good too but the more variety I can get in this diet, the more likely I am to be able to stick to it. I was thinking of asking to try the new porridge sachets but according to some posters on the www.cambridgedieters.com forum, it's incredibly sweet so I don't think I would like it, I might still try it out some day though.

Day 38

Well, after yesterday's blog, things went a bit wrong again. I managed to get to bedtime without eating or feeling hungry, I had all my sachets and plenty of liquids and was feeling so pleased with myself. I went to bed around midnight feeling tired and happy but at 2am I was still awake and starting to feel very hungry indeed. I drunk some more water but it didn't help at all, I had a cup of bouillon but it didn't make any difference and by 3:30 I was starting to feel a bit sick so I decided I had to do something about it. I mulled it over for a few minutes, I wasn't sure if I should have a small SS+ type meal or if I should have an extra sachet so I wondered down to the kitchen to ponder and my cats all mobbed me and pretty much made a decision for me. I split a can of tuna with them and had a few slices of cucumber with it and although it wasn't much, it really hit the spot. I managed to get to sleep at about 5am and got a good 6 hours of sleep, although I was a bit confused when I woke up, due to forgetting about the clocks changing.

I'm not going to beat myself up about my mini meal last night. It was a carefully thought out cheat and because I have this kind of sleep problem quite often, I'm going to have a chat about it with my CDC when I see him on Wednesday and hopefully he can help me come up with a plan of what to do on 'insomnia' nights. I know that in my pre-CD life, sleepless nights were times when I often over ate, partly because I get really hungry when it's been 8 hours since dinner but also for comfort. Ask any insomniac, it's a lonely and frustrating problem!

Things have been going a lot better today. Because I woke up late, I didn't have my first sachet of the day until early afternoon. I treated myself to a toffee and walnut, blended up with loads of ice into an ice-cream type texture. It was pretty darn delicious but I noticed there was the same grim after-taste as I had noticed with the mousses. I know it's not just with this flavour, I've had it with the chocolate and the vanilla too, but I discovered today that the flavour of white tea disguises it quite well, which is a relief as although I have more soups than shakes in general, I think limiting myself to soup only would only lead to chocolate disaster!

It's nearly midnight now and I've just had my final sachet of the day; a nice warm potato and leek soup, good fake comfort food. I'm tired and feeling quite full so hopefully, there shouldn't be a repeat of last night. I'd better nip off to bed quickly while I'm still tired.....

Days 36 + 37 - First day on Sole Source

Yesterday was actually my first day on Sole Source but I messed it up horribly so it doesn't really count. I started the day feeling really positive and raring to go, I had to go out to work late morning so I had a soup sachet and a pint of water before I went out as I wasn't sure what kind of time I would be home again. I sensibly popped a soup sachet into my bag and took a litre bottle of water with me which I drunk half of while I was out. When I got back home, 4 hours later, I put the water bottle into the fridge and noticed that there were some frankfurters in there. I knew the pack had been open for a couple of days already and started thinking about whether they would still be edible when boyfriend got back after the weekend. Unfortunately, I let my mind dwell on the food way too long and in the end I talked myself into eating them with some buttered toast and mustard. I felt such a fool, I had been doing so well with SS+ and now I had potentially knocked myself out of ketosis on my first day on SS. I spent the whole afternoon and evening kicking myself for my stupidity and feeling really hungry too.

This morning, after a soup breakfast and plenty of water, I decided to do a Ketostix test to see what kind of damage I had done with yesterday's toast idiocy. I've been told it's not a good idea to do these tests first thing in the morning because I am likely to be dehydrated, so I waited until early afternoon. The indicator went a good bright pink immediately which means I'm definitely in ketosis! The result really helped me feel better about myself after yesterday's stupidity and helped reinforce my resolve to be a good dieter from now on. I just have to take this a day at a time, every day I stick to SS is a few more ounces of fat burned. As long as I look at every day I stick to it as a success and a step in the right direction instead of allowing myself to focus on feelings of deprivation, I know I can do this. And if sometimes I am desperate to feel hard done by, I can just remind myself that it is actually my fault I have this much weight to lose and I deserve a bit of deprivation for being such a greedy fool. There, I've got it covered from both angles, I'll be fine!

My afternoon ended up being a blur of housework, computer maintenance and a much needed catch-up session on my accounts and I completely forgot about lunch so I had a toffee and walnut mousse about 7pm. I'm very fond of the mix-a-mousse but I find it has a revolting after-taste, no matter how much or what I drink after eating it. This after-taste starts off as a sort of ashy flavour and develops into a slightly metallic or bloody taste. I'm quite sure the mix-a-mousse didn't have this weird after-taste the first couple of times I had it and if my brain is not deceiving me, the taste is getting slightly stronger each time, it's quite unpleasant and a little off-putting but I still plan to get more next time I see my CDC.

So it's after 8pm now and I've still got one more sachet to get through today and because I only had my last one about an hour ago, I can treat myself to a lovely hot chocolate closer to bed-time, or perhaps a hot vanilla with a little cinnamon and nutmeg. mmmmmmm.....

Day 35

It's my last day on SS+ and I've quite enjoyed it really, but as with the other steps, I've been finding it quite difficult to fit in all the food and sachets I'm supposed to have, I'd guess that's one of the joys of ketosis. Today and yesterday were both good examples of this.

I didn't feel hungry at all in the morning so after a mug of delicious, fresh brewed, black, Columbian coffee, some iced water and a cup of white tea, I ended up having my breakfast sachet nearer to lunchtime. I cooked some dinner as soon as I'd finished work and ate a rather delicious meal of Quorn fillets which I had poached in a little low-salt stock with sage and parsley, also I placed some sprout tops on top of the fillets so they cooked in the steam from the stock. It was delicious and I drank all the herby stock too! I had a chocolate mousse for dessert and a bit later on I remembered I still had to have one more sachet so I forced down a chicken and mushroom soup and felt overfull and a bit sick..... I really hope that I don't feel overfull on SS, if I do, I'm going to have to start splitting sachets into 2 helpings

I've been feeling quite conflicted today all in all. I'm looking forward to SS but I have a feeling of trepidation because living on no food at all just isn't natural!

As this is my non CDC week, I had an unofficial weigh in today and I've lost about 4lbs in the last week. I'm quite pleased with that but I hope I lose more on SS.

Day 34

The liquid problems of the last couple of days are a distant memory now, I was incredibly thirsty all day today so I drank plenty and spent a considerable length of time in the loo accordingly.

I wasn't very hungry in the morning so I didn't have my first sachet of the day until lunchtime but after that, I was suddenly ravenous so I ate the piece of poached chicken I'd saved for today's dinner. Unfortunately, it didn't help much but I had to go out so that helped to distract me a little.

While I was out I treated myself to one of those little, battery-powered milk-frothers thinking it would help me make mousses a bit more moussey. After my mini salad (with no chicken!) I decided to make myself a toffee and walnut mix-a-mousse but it didn't go too well. First, I forgot to put mix mousse powder with the sachet before I put it into the water so it went lumpy immediately, then I found that my lovely, new, little, battery-powered milk-frother wouldn't work in something that thick anyway. I had to swiftly break out the big mixer and I managed to convert it from something resembling cottage cheese into something quite edible with just a few little lumps in.

Because I missed breakfast, I still had one sachet left so I'm sitting here right now with a lovely mug of hot chocolate shake with a sprinkle of cinnamon in it. These sweet shakes really make me thirsty usually and even more so when I have them hot so I'm probably going to have more water between now and bedtime and just hope it doesn't mess up my sleep. I'm working from home tomorrow but I'm working all day, 09:00 until 17:30 (which is quite unusual for me) so I can't afford to have sleep problems tonight.

Days 32 and 33

I've had a tedious couple of days CD-wise.

My food and sachet consumption has been OK but I've been struggling to drink enough for some reason. It's quite a surprise to me as I've always been a big fan of water and I have plenty of my favourites around here; green, white, lapsang and peppermint tea. Yesterday I just about got through the recommended 2.25 litres plus a little extra to compensate for the mousse, I think I had about 5 pints altogether but it felt like 5 bucketfuls! Today has been even worse, I've had 3 pints and I still have at least one more to get through but I already feel like I've drunk a few gallons. I feel bloated and horrible.

I'm sort of hoping it's PMS related. My menstrual cycle is and always has been horribly irregular but it could well be that time as my chocolate and cheese cravings are unreasonably strong. A couple of days ago I had a chocolate shake sachet made up as a mousse and I enjoyed it way more than I've ever enjoyed a chocolate sachet before. However, I am not usually a big fan of them so I only bought a few, I tend to prefer the toffee and walnut flavour so I have loads of them but just 2 chocolate. I'll just have to be careful and use them wisely and hopefully I'll avoid the traditional TOTM chocolate frenzy.

Day 31

After yesterday's smugness, I was bound to mess up today really. At least I only did it to the tune of a couple of spoonfuls of duck and orange pate. I managed to ignore all the bread and oat crackers in the house that would have gone so perfectly with it, so I don't feel too bad. I'll just forget about it and get on with my diet. I did a Ketostix test a few minutes ago and I'm still in ketosis and I'm relieved!

Day 30

I know I don't usually blog on a Saturday, but I just wanted to have a quick gloat about how well my CD day has gone. Most of the day went boringly well. I had a couple of soups with a little added psyllium husk, some green tea, black coffee and about a litre and a half of water - textbook stuff.

For dinner I cooked some turkey breast pieces with celeriac, mushrooms and some broccoli. I browned off the turkey with some 1kcal oil spray then poached it in a little water with diced celeriac and some sage and rosemary. When that was almost cooked, I put in the sliced mushrooms and the broccoli cut into small pieces, stirred it all together and then pulled out the meat and kept it on a warmed plate. When the rest of the veg was cooked, in just a couple of minutes, I removed it from the cooking liquid then reduced the liquid down to just a few spoonfuls. I dished up the meat and vegetables, a small portion for me and the rest for the boyfriend, then I poured the reduced cooking liquid over my helping. It was one of the nicest dinners I've had for ages!

And as if that joy wasn't enough, I cooked some oven chips for the boyfriend but misjudged the quantity and made enough for both of us. After we had eaten our meal, I was looking at the still warm leftover chips. I picked one up and thought 'I could just eat a couple of these, what harm could it do?' just as boyfriend came in and saw me standing there, chip in hand.

"I really want to eat these," I said " I think I will."
"I'm sure it'll be alright" he replied "there are only a few, it'll be fine."

I was just about to put it in my mouth then I remember those starving days last weekend when I was close to tears and ready to eat my own pets. I turned around, put the chip back on the plate, put the plate out of sight and left the kitchen feeling so damned pleased with myself.

A little later, I managed to make a perfect toffee and walnut flavour mix-a-mousse too. I think maybe the water wasn't cold enough the first time I tried it or something. It came out a perfect, quivering, gelatinous dessert of joy this time and it was delicious too! I guess that's my reward for not going chip crazy. I've found I need to have some water handy when I have mix-a-mousse though, it seems to dry my mouth out more than the shakes usually do. It's not a problem though, in fact it's quite useful really.

Day 29 - First day on SS+

A few days ago I bought a whole kilo of psyllium husk for a bargain price from a very reliable trader on Ebay and it arrived yesterday. I don't usually suffer from constipation and I don't intend to start so I thought it was better to start taking precautions as soon as I can, rather than deal with it if when it's too late. I tried it out in one of my soup sachets yesterday and it wasn't unpleasant at all, in fact you could hardly tell it was there so I decided to have a little bit in every sachet from now on. This morning I made myself a broccoli and cheese soup sachet but made the stupid mistake of adding the psyllium before I blended the soup. Consequently, I ended up with a huge bowl of inedible, puke coloured slime! I tried to eat it but the texture was so nasty I just couldn't swallow it without it coming straight back up again, it's the first CD sachet I've had to throw away. So my tip of the day is: mix your soup/shake, THEN add psyllium and stir/whisk it in until it is just combined. DON'T BLEND PSYLLIUM HUSK!!!!!

I decided to treat myself to some better scales today. The scales I already have seem to be increasingly unreliable. When I was weighing myself on Wednesday, you could see the needle on the scales moving as I shifted my weight and even when I sighed! Also, my sister and one of my friends told me that they show a completely different weight from their own scales at home, so seeing as I had to go to Argos anyway, I bought some big, solidly made, mechanical, doctor's type scales. As soon as I got home I excitedly unpacked them, carefully calibrated them, stepped on and I sort of wish I hadn't. I weight about 6lbs more than I thought I did! I really don't know what to do about it, should I start using them or stick to the rubbish ones I've been using so far? I think I might sulk about it for a while before I make up my mind.

Apart from the morning's slimy mishap and my horrible scales shock, the rest of the day went fine. No hunger, plenty of water and my tiny little 200kcals meal was shockingly filling, in fact, I struggled to finish it. I'm going to see how I feel over the weekend and if I'm still struggling with SS+, I might go right onto SS and see how that goes.